Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by labete

Thanks for this thread, Sassy. It's timely for me.

My honey identifies as butch, but she is very strongly female identified and somewhat tentative about the butch part. We've known each other casually for over a decade, and she's seen a few others I've had relationships with and has a butch friend of many years who tends to remind people of a lumberjack. She's compared herself with them and feels "less butch" because she doesn't like getting 'sir', owns some women's clothes, has a short but androgynous hairstyle, etc. Her decorating style is a lot more feminine than mine, but her walk is a lot more masculine.

To me, I think the way a person moves is one of the bigger indicators of a more masculine or feminine energy. The single biggest factor for me in initial attraction, though, was chemistry. I know that might not be the case for folks whose relationships start off differently, but we'd known each other for so long that one night I stayed too late after a bonfire in her backyard and fell asleep in her arms as a friend. I was high for a week after that and knew I wanted that feeling again.

And, I've also had brains be the initial attraction, or personality expressed through writing anyway, long before I had the first clue about appearance. My last relationship started online after I developed an attraction to a butch I knew only from forum postings. Yes, I did see a couple of photos before we met, but they weren't especially flattering. Luckily I found her quite attractive in person, and she felt the same about me.

there is so much to be said for chemistry. meaning, sometimes our bodies/brains have their own agenda and we have no idea how it happens! maybe you had no idea that you might have that feeling with her because she was always considered only a friend and not someone you would have sought out? was is about her appearance at all? just curious...

i've had amazing chemistry with some folks over the years based purely on sexual attraction and some because i was so intrigued by their brain...but all of them have had a certain appearance.

i guess i do have a "type"

[imperfect_cupcake]

I met inks at a squat party. When she came in I was floored, smacked stupid, by how gorgeous she is. Tall, blonde, dutch, well built, alternative stylish half quiff/half spikey hair and the cockiest, trouble making smirk I'd seen in a long time. So it was a cross between, her very good looks and her physical attitude - by that how her personality played through her body language.

So I was instantly interested enough to investigate how much futher that attraction went. What followed was one big huge CLICK. I knew I had met someone incredibly important in my life, attactions be damned, this person has just made me feel like someone on the planet shares everything I need to be shared with someone else.

first though, before I spoke to her, I listened and watched. and she was obnoxious, mouthy, loud, opinionated, stubborn, firey, but in a way that was fucking funny and non-threatening. she took the piss. I love that.

I then sat next to her, bought her a beer and talked to her - there was no effort to the conversation. neither of us was shy or nervous (nervous came later). She then said all the magic words and phrases that ticked every single box and tickled every single place of joy and whispered to every single place in me that desperately needed to find understanding.

so with inki it was in the order of "PHWAR!" (physically appealing) then "oo'er!" (the attitude and style attraction) and then "gleeful sigh and raukus laughter" (the personality/brain suprise, and that's the glue bit that bonds)

[labete]

Originally Posted by SassyLeo

there is so much to be said for chemistry. meaning, sometimes our bodies/brains have their own agenda and we have no idea how it happens! maybe you had no idea that you might have that feeling with her because she was always considered only a friend and not someone you would have sought out? was is about her appearance at all? just curious...

i've had amazing chemistry with some folks over the years based purely on sexual attraction and some because i was so intrigued by their brain...but all of them have had a certain appearance.

i guess i do have a "type"

I missed your response to me before. I never looked at her as anything other than a friend because the entire time I knew her, she was partnered (happily, I thought, though I was mistaken). I do not and will not cross that line.

The very first time I thought of her as potentially anything other than friend was when a mutual friend passed along the news that she had just broken up with her partner. Then the thought was instant and appealing, so obviously there had been an element of attraction there that I hadn't been conscious of before, and I'm sure physical appearance was part of that. She is both cute and sexy.

Usually, though, the ones that draw my eyes from across the room are big, strong, strapping butches with a swagger. My honey is shorter than I am, smaller than I'm used to, and doesn't particularly swagger, but the chemistry is definitely there and very real.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

so with inki it was in the order of "PHWAR!" (physically appealing) then "oo'er!" (the attitude and style attraction) and then "gleeful sigh and raukus laughter" (the personality/brain suprise, and that's the glue bit that bonds)

I loved your whole story, but more than anything....I want to HEAR you say this!

I just noticed your engaged heartline. Congrats if it's recent and congrats if it's not and I'm just obvilious.