Scaring straight women.. rawwrrr... lol

swan · 06-19-2011, 11:20 PM

One of the funniest/saddest straight moments for me was when I accidentally came out to a friend of mine. We weren't super close friends, but we're okay. You know, wouldn't invite her over for movie night, but we hang together sometimes when we see each other at work functions and friend's parties and such. I was out with a couple of my gay male friends and went to a drag queen show at a gay bar. When we left the bar and were walking down the street the car, I hear "Swan! Hey Swanee! Hey Swan!" and I look up and here she comes.

She hugs me, gets all gushy and then she says "I wasn't sure it was you because I saw you come come out of That Bar with the guys!" I introduced her around and she realized all the men in the group were queer.

The next day at work, she says "It was weird seeing you with all the gay dudes, how come they let you hang with them?" I said "well, I checked "other" in the Penis box on my application and they let me in. They don't care, as long as you're still queer."

She looks me up and down and says "But you look like a girl! I would've never guessed you're a lesbian."

Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?

She's nice enough and not intentionallly offensive, just kind of ignorant and she has a faulty brain/mouth filter, so she asks the most outrageously funny/weird/sad questions about "What it's like to be one of you". I find myself avoiding her sometimes because I find it difficult to deal with her when I have to be the Tour Guide on the Gay Safari Tour of Planet Gay. I wish she'd just forget about my sexuality and go back to being her ditzy clueless self. When she realized I was avoiding her, her feelings were hurt. She couldn't decide if it was because I wanted to date her or not. When I explained to her that I generally don't go for the Girly Girls, and I NEVER go for straight ones, she wasn't offended or anything. She just said "yeah, it's easier to get a date when you stick with your own kind." Again, not intentionally offensive but I couldn't believe that came out of her mouth. She's one of those people who's going to be a teenager until she's 80.

Starrynightaw · 06-20-2011, 06:06 PM

I think the scariest moment to me was when I told my best friend at that time I was Queer. She seemed completely okay... til she realized what it meant. You would have thought I saw I slapped her mother how she acted. Now I realize it was fear, for her to not know anything and never be around anyone other than straight friends she had no idea how to handle what I said. Now when I tell someone, I am sure to explain anything so we both don't freak out.

TxBelle · 06-20-2011, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swan

She looks me up and down and says "But you look like a girl! I would've never guessed you're a lesbian."

Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?

.

I get this all the time! But you look so 'normal'. I do my nails, have long hair, often wear make-up, and dresses... I am normal, I just happen to normally like butches!

ValKyrie · 06-08-2012, 11:00 PM

My best friends husband is terrified that I'm going to "steal" her away from him, now that they know I'm gay. I told him, "honey, I don't have the same taste in women as you do." Gah!

yotlyolqualli · 06-09-2012, 12:56 AM

It's nice to know that this has happened to other people.

When I came out to myself, and subsequently to my family, church and friends, it wasn't like everyone was in the same room and I only had to say it once. There were many phone calls, many times I had to repeat this over and over and over again.

Growing up, one of my best friends, ultimately became my sister-in-law, for about a year, lol. Now, I would often spend the night at her place, or her at mine and we would share the same bed. So, I have her on the phone, I come out to her............................................... ................................. there's this long pause and I know what's coming, so I said.. "no cathy, I've never thought of you in that way." .................................................. ............. another long pause and then, "why not? Don't you think I'm pretty?" I was between a rock and a hard place. No I did not find her pretty. She was not my type and even if she HAD been my type, the whole fucking and marrying my brother, well................. ew. I simply ignored her questions and asked how my niece and nephew were doing.. lol.

Another friend who was married, approached me with a proposition. Seems her husband wanted to "watch her and I" have sex.

Ok, here's the deal and I DID tell her this, "Tracy, I am not into casual sex, I am not interested in married straight women, you are not my type and while some people boldly go where no man has gone before? I will not go where man HAS RECENTLY gone before!" We both laughed and she was cool with it, but I still felt offended that she would even approach me to ask someting like that.

As for the entire femme and what defines a femme?

Even here, the idea that I've done the things I've done, throws some butch women off. I designed and built a deck for my ex. I dug and poured the footers, cut the boards with a circular saw, even leveled off the cement footers with a concrete blade. I fixed the gas line on my sisters van, I replaced car doors, the front door to our house. I chopped wood for many many years before moving into my apartment. I miss the country but I do NOT miss having to build a fire in the mornings!

What bothers me is the whole perception of what a femme can and cannot do. If you're seriously questioning if my tool belt is bigger than yours? Then maybe I am not the femme for you. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty, not someone who worries about her nails, not someone who wears dresses and heels all the time, if ever. But all these things do not make me any less femme than any other femme out there.

always2late · 06-09-2012, 01:20 AM

I posted earlier in the thread about my experience with one straight female co-worker which was much like the experiences others in the thread have described. I call it the "Now that I know you're gay, I'm going to loudly proclaim my heterosexuality in every conversation...and yet get offended if you don't find me attractive" reaction.

That was just one experience with one woman...however, I have begun to realize that I have become the "resident lesbian" at work. Apparently I am now the spokesperson/fountain of all things gay. I have co-workers ask me the most bizarre questions...concerning lesbians, sex, gay men, etc... Has anyone else experienced this? Random questions that you could not possibly know the answer to, but are apparently SUPPOSED to know just because they concern some aspect of homosexuality? Don't get me wrong...I have nothing against curiosity, or a sincere desire to learn...but seriously, some of the questions are totally off the wall!

morningstar55 · 06-09-2012, 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by always2late

I posted earlier in the thread about my experience with one straight female co-worker which was much like the experiences others in the thread have described. I call it the "Now that I know you're gay, I'm going to loudly proclaim my heterosexuality in every conversation...and yet get offended if you don't find me attractive" reaction.

That was just one experience with one woman...however, I have begun to realize that I have become the "resident lesbian" at work. Apparently I am now the spokesperson/fountain of all things gay. I have co-workers ask me the most bizarre questions...concerning lesbians, sex, gay men, etc... Has anyone else experienced this? Random questions that you could not possibly know the answer to, but are apparently SUPPOSED to know just because they concern some aspect of homosexuality? Don't get me wrong...I have nothing against curiosity, or a sincere desire to learn...but seriously, some of the questions are totally off the wall!

what are some of the bizarre questions??

always2late · 06-09-2012, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morningstar55

what are some of the bizarre questions??

Well...the questions that I find most bizarre have to do with other people, or generalizations. For example, I get questions about Lindsey Lohan's sexuality, questions about Chaz being transgender, etc.. And the questions are usually something that NO ONE, except the subject of the question, could answer! But because the topic falls under the LGBT umbrella...they seem to think that I SHOULD have the answer simply because I'm gay.

Quintease · 06-09-2012, 04:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yotlyolqualli

"I am not interested in married straight women, you are not my type"

Oh me too! I am not into straight women of any type! I have only once accidentally tried to chat up a straight woman. They just don't do it for me at. all. Which would make it even more astonishing that they would automatically assume I fancied them.

And I agree, they are disrespectful. The amount of women who have tried to tempt me into bed while telling me I'm just going through a phase/ all girls fancy other girls, it doesn't make me gay/ they're sure I'll find the right man one day/ sleeping with women isn't really sex. Pah!

Mr Nice Guy · 06-09-2012, 04:17 AM

I don't scare straight women. I attract them. Sometimes I wonder if I have a sign on my head that says, " all straight women or want to be a Lesbian apply here". This has been my life and I'm not interested in bringing you out.

swan · 06-21-2011, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swan

Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?

Note: this was not intended as a slam towards KD Lang or Ellen, or their "types"... I happen to think they're all Hottie McHottersons...

imperfect_cupcake · 06-21-2011, 12:29 PM

ugh god. this has happened plenty of times. Though I'm pretty vocal about being a big ol queer, I still have people suddenly reacting like "WHAT? you... omg." and getting angry about because I snuck past their radar for five minutes. Like I invaded some inner sanctum as a destructive spy. The other part is when later, they come on to you after a few drinks. gosh, that's fun.

Tbh, I get more comming onto me that being horrified. But they get really insulted when you aren't interested. Though one friend when she grabbed me in an alleyway and snogged the hell out of me (????!!! eh. ok. I'll wait for it to stop) when she finished I couldn't help but burst out laughing. She got a little indignant and said "WHAT?"
"oh c'mon, s, this is completely ridiculous, don't be silly. lets go back in and get another beer."

I think by far the worst has been when I was in some cabins when I was doing field research. I was in a room with 7 other girls. One was a navy gal who was serving part time and doing part time studies. When she found out I was lesbian (not like I *hid it* I openly talked about my partner at the time) she refused to get changed around me. To their benefit most of the other girls just rolled their eyes at her but some took up the same vigilant stance.

I came in once, to hose off after being in the mangrove swamp and she was in her jungle stained cotton sweaty knickers and she covered herself and *screamed*. I recall yelling "oh for god's sake. you wouldn't be my type if you were the last one alive" and sat down. She got all upset I was still there and went into the bathroom.

I left and I went into the court yard and bitched about it to one of my colleagues I was getting along with who stayed in a small two floor cabin. four guys on the bottom, four girls on the top. She said "oh. well that sucks. why don't you come and stay in our cabin? We're the naked bisexual cabin. we don't give a shit." That was SO nice. So I went and stayed with them.

and I became very good mates with the guys downstairs. it was a very happy ending indeed.

*Anya* · 06-23-2011, 12:18 PM

I always speak for myself when I post: I have had this happen so many times! Because I am femme and "pass"-they always assume I am straight. When I correct that assumption, straight girls either act like somehow I betrayed them because of their assumption or it changes the dynamic of the friend relationship because they assume I am then looking @ them sexually. Maybe I should make a pin to wear: I am a lesbian & only attracted sexually to butches! Femmes are my buddies, chat, gossip,go shopping with.,etc; not to bed!

06-09-2012, 12:56 AM	#5
yotlyolqualli Member How Do You Identify?: submissive femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: moving forward and not looking back... anything is possible! Join Date: May 2012 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 242 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,206 Thanked 1,272 Times in 184 Posts Rep Power: 21357560	nice to know It's nice to know that this has happened to other people. When I came out to myself, and subsequently to my family, church and friends, it wasn't like everyone was in the same room and I only had to say it once. There were many phone calls, many times I had to repeat this over and over and over again. Growing up, one of my best friends, ultimately became my sister-in-law, for about a year, lol. Now, I would often spend the night at her place, or her at mine and we would share the same bed. So, I have her on the phone, I come out to her............................................... ................................. there's this long pause and I know what's coming, so I said.. "no cathy, I've never thought of you in that way." .................................................. ............. another long pause and then, "why not? Don't you think I'm pretty?" I was between a rock and a hard place. No I did not find her pretty. She was not my type and even if she HAD been my type, the whole fucking and marrying my brother, well................. ew. I simply ignored her questions and asked how my niece and nephew were doing.. lol. Another friend who was married, approached me with a proposition. Seems her husband wanted to "watch her and I" have sex. Ok, here's the deal and I DID tell her this, "Tracy, I am not into casual sex, I am not interested in married straight women, you are not my type and while some people boldly go where no man has gone before? I will not go where man HAS RECENTLY gone before!" We both laughed and she was cool with it, but I still felt offended that she would even approach me to ask someting like that. As for the entire femme and what defines a femme? Even here, the idea that I've done the things I've done, throws some butch women off. I designed and built a deck for my ex. I dug and poured the footers, cut the boards with a circular saw, even leveled off the cement footers with a concrete blade. I fixed the gas line on my sisters van, I replaced car doors, the front door to our house. I chopped wood for many many years before moving into my apartment. I miss the country but I do NOT miss having to build a fire in the mornings! What bothers me is the whole perception of what a femme can and cannot do. If you're seriously questioning if my tool belt is bigger than yours? Then maybe I am not the femme for you. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty, not someone who worries about her nails, not someone who wears dresses and heels all the time, if ever. But all these things do not make me any less femme than any other femme out there. __________________ ~Love is a verb~

06-09-2012, 01:20 AM	#6
always2late Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: m'lady Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 2,000 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,834 Thanked 6,231 Times in 1,462 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I posted earlier in the thread about my experience with one straight female co-worker which was much like the experiences others in the thread have described. I call it the "Now that I know you're gay, I'm going to loudly proclaim my heterosexuality in every conversation...and yet get offended if you don't find me attractive" reaction. That was just one experience with one woman...however, I have begun to realize that I have become the "resident lesbian" at work. Apparently I am now the spokesperson/fountain of all things gay. I have co-workers ask me the most bizarre questions...concerning lesbians, sex, gay men, etc... Has anyone else experienced this? Random questions that you could not possibly know the answer to, but are apparently SUPPOSED to know just because they concern some aspect of homosexuality? Don't get me wrong...I have nothing against curiosity, or a sincere desire to learn...but seriously, some of the questions are totally off the wall! __________________ Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there ~ Rumi

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

06-19-2011, 11:20 PM	#1
swan Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: I see cactus... all around.... Posts: 225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 583 Thanked 727 Times in 198 Posts Rep Power: 10751732	One of the funniest/saddest straight moments for me was when I accidentally came out to a friend of mine. We weren't super close friends, but we're okay. You know, wouldn't invite her over for movie night, but we hang together sometimes when we see each other at work functions and friend's parties and such. I was out with a couple of my gay male friends and went to a drag queen show at a gay bar. When we left the bar and were walking down the street the car, I hear "Swan! Hey Swanee! Hey Swan!" and I look up and here she comes. She hugs me, gets all gushy and then she says "I wasn't sure it was you because I saw you come come out of That Bar with the guys!" I introduced her around and she realized all the men in the group were queer. The next day at work, she says "It was weird seeing you with all the gay dudes, how come they let you hang with them?" I said "well, I checked "other" in the Penis box on my application and they let me in. They don't care, as long as you're still queer." She looks me up and down and says "But you look like a girl! I would've never guessed you're a lesbian." Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types? She's nice enough and not intentionallly offensive, just kind of ignorant and she has a faulty brain/mouth filter, so she asks the most outrageously funny/weird/sad questions about "What it's like to be one of you". I find myself avoiding her sometimes because I find it difficult to deal with her when I have to be the Tour Guide on the Gay Safari Tour of Planet Gay. I wish she'd just forget about my sexuality and go back to being her ditzy clueless self. When she realized I was avoiding her, her feelings were hurt. She couldn't decide if it was because I wanted to date her or not. When I explained to her that I generally don't go for the Girly Girls, and I NEVER go for straight ones, she wasn't offended or anything. She just said "yeah, it's easier to get a date when you stick with your own kind." Again, not intentionally offensive but I couldn't believe that came out of her mouth. She's one of those people who's going to be a teenager until she's 80.

06-20-2011, 06:06 PM	#2
Starrynightaw Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme. Queer. Submissive. Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Girl, Honey :) Relationship Status: Single! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Southern Alabama, But I can also be found in surrounding areas. (Travel Alot) Posts: 89 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11 Thanked 168 Times in 55 Posts Rep Power: 745055	I think the scariest moment to me was when I told my best friend at that time I was Queer. She seemed completely okay... til she realized what it meant. You would have thought I saw I slapped her mother how she acted. Now I realize it was fear, for her to not know anything and never be around anyone other than straight friends she had no idea how to handle what I said. Now when I tell someone, I am sure to explain anything so we both don't freak out.

06-08-2012, 11:00 PM	#4
ValKyrie Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: Over the moon Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 12 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39 Thanked 75 Times in 11 Posts Rep Power: 1068895	My best friends husband is terrified that I'm going to "steal" her away from him, now that they know I'm gay. I told him, "honey, I don't have the same taste in women as you do." Gah!

06-09-2012, 04:17 AM	#10
Mr Nice Guy Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Kind, sweet, loving, romantic and a rare Butch. :) Relationship Status: I don't drive a Uhaul. :) Join Date: May 2011 Location: Another New Englander Posts: 1,768 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,035 Thanked 4,894 Times in 1,307 Posts Rep Power: 0	I don't scare straight women. I attract them. Sometimes I wonder if I have a sign on my head that says, " all straight women or want to be a Lesbian apply here". This has been my life and I'm not interested in bringing you out.

06-21-2011, 12:29 PM	#12
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,709 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	ugh god. this has happened plenty of times. Though I'm pretty vocal about being a big ol queer, I still have people suddenly reacting like "WHAT? you... omg." and getting angry about because I snuck past their radar for five minutes. Like I invaded some inner sanctum as a destructive spy. The other part is when later, they come on to you after a few drinks. gosh, that's fun. Tbh, I get more comming onto me that being horrified. But they get really insulted when you aren't interested. Though one friend when she grabbed me in an alleyway and snogged the hell out of me (????!!! eh. ok. I'll wait for it to stop) when she finished I couldn't help but burst out laughing. She got a little indignant and said "WHAT?" "oh c'mon, s, this is completely ridiculous, don't be silly. lets go back in and get another beer." I think by far the worst has been when I was in some cabins when I was doing field research. I was in a room with 7 other girls. One was a navy gal who was serving part time and doing part time studies. When she found out I was lesbian (not like I hid it I openly talked about my partner at the time) she refused to get changed around me. To their benefit most of the other girls just rolled their eyes at her but some took up the same vigilant stance. I came in once, to hose off after being in the mangrove swamp and she was in her jungle stained cotton sweaty knickers and she covered herself and screamed. I recall yelling "oh for god's sake. you wouldn't be my type if you were the last one alive" and sat down. She got all upset I was still there and went into the bathroom. I left and I went into the court yard and bitched about it to one of my colleagues I was getting along with who stayed in a small two floor cabin. four guys on the bottom, four girls on the top. She said "oh. well that sucks. why don't you come and stay in our cabin? We're the naked bisexual cabin. we don't give a shit." That was SO nice. So I went and stayed with them. and I became very good mates with the guys downstairs. it was a very happy ending indeed.

06-23-2011, 12:18 PM	#13
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,443 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I always speak for myself when I post: I have had this happen so many times! Because I am femme and "pass"-they always assume I am straight. When I correct that assumption, straight girls either act like somehow I betrayed them because of their assumption or it changes the dynamic of the friend relationship because they assume I am then looking @ them sexually. Maybe I should make a pin to wear: I am a lesbian & only attracted sexually to butches! Femmes are my buddies, chat, gossip,go shopping with.,etc; not to bed!