Stone Femme?

[cinderella]

Hey, lilith - I've hi-lighted in your paragraph what I'm addressing in my response. I don't believe I've contradicted myself - when I said it was 'right', I was saying that it was right 'for me', not that it is THE right way for everyone. If it came across that way, I apologize for the confusion. I never intend to speak for anyone but myself. I thought it was understood, that when someone expresses an opionion, it is their 'own' sentiment/belief - that goes across the board for any postings on threads. Anyway, that's the way I read posts - as someone's personal opionion.

Originally Posted by lillith

Hey, cinderella. Thanks for your comments. You are getting feedback on your personal opinion. This thread was started because I find that a lot of focus tends to be on Stone Butch, and what that means; I wanted to discuss what it means to be a Stone Femme. Like a Stone Butch ID, I think that being a Stone Femme is just as open to personal interpretation. You are right when you say that there is no right or wrong answer; however, you go on to contradict yourself by saying your way is right. All I know is that my stone fluctuates and changes depending on my partner's needs, wants, and desires. I do have one hard no, and that is vaginal penetration (giving). I am open to the possibilities of everything else (and goodness there is a ton of everything else). Let me make this also very clear, my identity is not based on my partner's. It is important to me that I be proactive in my own needs, wants, and desires because I am a giver, a pleaser and want to share as much intimacy and sex with my love as much as possible. I am stone, but not made of stone.

[Soft*Silver]

I have come to realize I am the femme version of a stone butch. I dont think there is a label for this. lol.

I have no desire for my partner to give to me unless I dictate how and when. And I have my own boundaries, just like a stone butch would. I am by no means frigid. I am hot as hell in bed and my submissive can tell you that. I use to call myself an aggressive femme but that was when i was trying to mold myself into the role of submissive femme. It SO didnt work for me. Now that I am into FemDom and pack and take the Dominant role, I think and act more like a Stone Butch, but am absolutely Femme...

[ScandalAndy]

Originally Posted by softness

I have come to realize I am the femme version of a stone butch. I dont think there is a label for this. lol.

I have no desire for my partner to give to me unless I dictate how and when. And I have my own boundaries, just like a stone butch would. I am by no means frigid. I am hot as hell in bed and my submissive can tell you that. I use to call myself an aggressive femme but that was when i was trying to mold myself into the role of submissive femme. It SO didnt work for me. Now that I am into FemDom and pack and take the Dominant role, I think and act more like a Stone Butch, but am absolutely Femme...

I love this. The way you live and describe yourself really makes me think outside the box. I like how your unique traits fit you, and you're really okay with the fact that there is no label.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by softness

I have come to realize I am the femme version of a stone butch. I dont think there is a label for this. lol.

I have no desire for my partner to give to me unless I dictate how and when. And I have my own boundaries, just like a stone butch would. I am by no means frigid. I am hot as hell in bed and my submissive can tell you that. I use to call myself an aggressive femme but that was when i was trying to mold myself into the role of submissive femme. It SO didnt work for me. Now that I am into FemDom and pack and take the Dominant role, I think and act more like a Stone Butch, but am absolutely Femme...

There is indeed a label for you. It's called Stone Femme. If you are a stone sexual top and you are femme, you are a Stone Femme. Yes, this is a maddening double meaning, and it really sucks.

[DamselFly]

i am a queerstonefemme. i'll go term by term:
First of all, i use lowercase to refer to myself. i learned to do so from an old-school forum that used lowercase to refer to bottoms/submissives (which i am) and Uppercase to refer to /Tops/Dominants. This usage was considered common courtesy, and i still follow it.
i use the term "queer" b/c i am not conventionally heterosexual nor conventionally lesbian. i do not desire biomales but neither do i desire feminine women. indeed, those who have been my partners in the past have usually ID as Butch (not female) or have been Transgendered.
i use the term "stone" b/c i am most comfortable with the Stone Butch/stone femme dynamic. This is not to say that i am a passive partner in any sense. i participate fully in the relationship in all respects, but my participation is both different from and highly respectful of the boundaries of my partner.
i use the term "femme" b/c i am feminine as opposed to Butch. i value my femininity and those who help me do so, both in terms of other femmes as well as Butches. Being femme does NOT make me inferior nor superior to Butches; rather i am their equal complement.
so i am a "queerstonefemme." i also use "QueerStoneFemme" just b/c it is easier to read.

damselfly

[ScandalAndy]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

There is indeed a label for you. It's called Stone Femme. If you are a stone sexual top and you are femme, you are a Stone Femme. Yes, this is a maddening double meaning, and it really sucks.

I hesitate to do this because I think the backlash is going to be horrendous, but:

Stone Femme is your label for her, not her own. It's dangerous to classify others based on our personal interpretations of what a label means.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by ScandalAndy

I hesitate to do this because I think the backlash is going to be horrendous, but:

Stone Femme is your label for her, not her own. It's dangerous to classify others based on our personal interpretations of what a label means.

Well, I certainly hope there's no backlash for saying something so reasonable. You're right that I should have asked more questions or explained the terms better as Toughy did in the above post.

I'm too quick to talk about this because I'm so dissatisfied with the terms we use.

[ScandalAndy]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

Well, I certainly hope there's no backlash for saying something so reasonable. You're right that I should have asked more questions or explained the terms better as Toughy did in the above post.

I'm too quick to talk about this because I'm so dissatisfied with the terms we use.

I agree wholeheartedly with your dissatisfaction and appreciate your feedback on the matter. I was just having the "self identification" discussion with a friend the other night and we were expressing our displeasure that it needs to be done at all, but then how can we represent ourselves while avoiding being classified by the labels others apply to us?

Thank you for being so honest and facing your fears about talking to your partners. I feel like people who are brave like that should be thanked more often. In my mind, discussing intimacy boundaries is often like coming out, over and over again. My bitter side is also saying that there aren't enough people who address things like comfort, boundaries, and pleasure.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by softness

I have come to realize I am the femme version of a stone butch. I dont think there is a label for this. lol.

I have no desire for my partner to give to me unless I dictate how and when. And I have my own boundaries, just like a stone butch would. I am by no means frigid. I am hot as hell in bed and my submissive can tell you that. I use to call myself an aggressive femme but that was when i was trying to mold myself into the role of submissive femme. It SO didnt work for me. Now that I am into FemDom and pack and take the Dominant role, I think and act more like a Stone Butch, but am absolutely Femme...

I just want to tell you that there are other StoneFemme Top/Domme in this world.....if you mean that you don't allow vaginal penetration and pack. The ones that I know call themselves StoneFemme Top/Domme. They are also pretty cock identified.

If you are just talking being a Femme Domme/Top who packs, is dominant, is (or not) cock id'd, and allows vaginal penetration, oral sex, etc, well you are not alone in that respect either..