Single Butches & Femmes Cafe

[Inked_Trinity]

WOW! I just found this thread! I'm happy now!

[Sachita]

I want to date and have fun. I'm not sure what I'm looking for except to be treated well by someone and enjoy nice moments, conversations and playful exchange.

I'm feeling a bit disappointed in people these days. I'm not so sure why I am drawing such insanity into my life here lately but I'm sure there's a reason. But I'm definitely open to it.

[ScandalAndy]

Hi everyone!!! Wandered over to see what trouble you were getting into over here!

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Are trans folks invited too?

I did start the thread because there is a distinct FtM/Trans and Femmes singles thread and a general singles thread for all folks which includes trans folks. There wasn't one for just plain old butche and femme singles that that want to seek one another out.

Actually, I wish that the general for all singles one was the only single thread, but distinctions started to happen so I thought this was fair for both femmes and butches to find each other on the site that really do seek only each other in terms of romantic relationships.

Ugh... gets so complicated sometimes. But, I don't think any member of any identification can actually be "banned" from any thread. Seems like that would be against the TOS. I sure don't want any one to be offended in any way.

There are other singles/relational threads too- like Daddy/Girl, and D/s specific. Geez... we have so many distinctions! which is one of the things I like about the site over all. Yet, I am not a good candidate for a woman/femme that prefers transmen. And I don't have any problem at all with women/femmes that find that they prefer transmen in terms of romance and dating. Some like both, too.

[Sachita]

I think its ok to break down sub cultures without seeming prejudice.


Anyhow, good morning all the hot butches and beautiful femmes! Its going to be a fantastic Sunday.

[msW8ing]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

I did start the thread because there is a distinct FtM/Trans and Femmes singles thread and a general singles thread for all folks which includes trans folks. There wasn't one for just plain old butche and femme singles that that want to seek one another out.

Actually, I wish that the general for all singles one was the only single thread, but distinctions started to happen so I thought this was fair for both femmes and butches to find each other on the site that really do seek only each other in terms of romantic relationships.

Ugh... gets so complicated sometimes. But, I don't think any member of any identification can actually be "banned" from any thread. Seems like that would be against the TOS. I sure don't want any one to be offended in any way.

There are other singles/relational threads too- like Daddy/Girl, and D/s specific. Geez... we have so many distinctions! which is one of the things I like about the site over all. Yet, I am not a good candidate for a woman/femme that prefers transmen. And I don't have any problem at all with women/femmes that find that they prefer transmen in terms of romance and dating. Some like both, too.

So many labels and ID's now and days. I remember when you either a Dyke or a Femme. Now there are so many sub categories. Makes me dizzy lol. I always just get that deer in a headlights look when I'm asked (usually by the younger crowd) "What kind of femme are you"? I never really know quite how to answer that. Reminds of that line in Wizard of Oz.."Are you a good witch or a bad witch" lol I usually smile politely and answer "Iam me".

[T4Texas]

]

Originally Posted by MsW8ing

So many labels and ID's now and days. I remember when you either a Dyke or a Femme. Now there are so many sub categories. Makes me dizzy lol. I always just get that deer in a headlights look when I'm asked (usually by the younger crowd) "What kind of femme are you"? I never really know quite how to answer that. Reminds of that line in Wizard of Oz.."Are you a good witch or a bad witch" lol I usually smile politely and answer "Iam me".

Kudos to you for that! I remember when labels weren't so necessary either, having been out for 34 years now. Still, I think it's interesting how people do identify and their reasons for that indentification. I applaud a person's right to be themselves, but I remain an old school butch, plain and simple.

[msW8ing]

Originally Posted by T4Texas

]

I applaud a person's right to be themselves, but I remain an old school butch, plain and simple.

And thank goodness there are still "old school butches" out there!

[WolfyOne]

Sipping coffee while reading this thread
Thanks for putting it up ALH

Not sure I'm ready for romance, but new friends are always welcome in my life
Besides, I think getting to know someone before romance plays a part, is a must
I'm old school and taking it a step at a time is the only way for me
I'm not sure about falling in love again, but I know I can love again
Really though, one never knows until it happens
Anyhow, I'm not going out of my way to look, if it happens, it happens
Sometimes searching for that right person can be maddening
I just want someone to accept me for me and not want to change me into someone they want me to be
If you have to change a person to accept them, they must not be your ideal match for a relationship
Taking the good, bad and ugly is all part of accepting that person
Relationships take work and understanding in order to last
I'm not going to lie, I have failed miserably in the past, but am learning from my mistakes

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone

[msW8ing]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

I'm not going to lie, I have failed miserably in the past, but am learning from my mistakes

I've always told my kids that if you learn from your mistakes then they are "life lessons" they happened for a reason. Sounds a bit corny but it has gotton us through alot.

[*Anya*]

Since am new to this, I would like some feedback please:

How do you handle it as a femme if you find yourself attracted to the mind/intellect/politics, etc., of a butch on the planet (and their picture doesn't hurt)?

If you are a butch do you send a pm or wait to see if the femme sends you one?

Do you tell them you would like to get to know them better?

Do you wait to see if they respond to you?

What if they give you quite a few reps on your posts but nothing beyond that?

Do you read between the lines that they just have no interest in getting to
know you better beyond appreciating your posts?

I am rather old school, kind of shy & in no way needy & would hate to be perceived as such.

Thanks,

Anya

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia

Since am new to this, I would like some feedback please:

How do you handle it as a femme if you find yourself attracted to the mind/intellect/politics, etc., of a butch on the planet (and their picture doesn't hurt)?

If you are a butch do you send a pm or wait to see if the femme sends you one?

Do you tell them you would like to get to know them better?

Do you wait to see if they respond to you?

What if they give you quite a few reps on your posts but nothing beyond that?

Do you read between the lines that they just have no interest in getting to
know you better beyond appreciating your posts?

I am rather old school, kind of shy & in no way needy & would hate to be perceived as such.

Thanks,

Anya

Having been in the BF community almost 15 years here is my take...

It seems that so many butches wait to be approached. You heard the saying 2 X 4? (hitting them over the head with a board) Well that is very much true, or so it seems. Personally I don't chase anyone. I may be flirty but I will not chase or settle for dribblings or attention. lol- Maybe why I'm single? But when I do find someone who is interested they appreciate my high expectations. They are mature enough to know that a woman like me is an investment in time, a bit of work and consistency.

I think that if you wait around for them to approach you you might be waiting a while. I think it takes a bit of flirting to let them know you are interested. If they dont grab the bait wait for one who will.

My advice on this probably sucks. lol

[Sachita]

But sense I mentioned it..... lol


how come it seems like so many butches here don't approach femmes? Is it just me? How come so many of you seem scared or like your waiting for someone to do back flips? If you're interested in a femme why not tell her, make a plan to woe her and win her affection? This seems the natural order of things. Shall I give lessons boi's?

[WolfyOne]

A/G and S, both of you ask valid questions
I can only answer for me

Not wanting to get my heart ripped out again would top my list of reasons why I don't look like I'm interested even if I am
Second on my list for the time being, not financially able to woo anyone at this time
Perhaps when my work hours are FT I may consider it


S, I could use lessons in learning to not be a 2x4 butch
I rarely ever know when a femme is flirting or interested in me
I'm usually the one on the sidelines with admiration or some might say crush
I look at a person from the inside, the head and heart first
Looks can be deceiving, if that's what one first admires in another


So, if someone wants to get to know me better, put it out there
I may never know otherwise because I may not be looking at you

[Sachita]

more from me... lol

ok here is a novel idea- BAM upside your head- pay attention!!!! lol

I love starting as friends. In fact I can easily have a butch as a buddy, go fishing, hang out and not have the pressure of dating. Let's face it, I'm pretty damn cool. lol (I'm in that kind of mood today) I always say "friends first". If something happens, great! if not, thats ok too. I enjoy butch company. I don't have to do the "jump your bones then call uhaul". In fact I might be slow to commit for some.

lez be friends, shall we?

[bigbutchmistie]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

A/G and S, both of you ask valid questions
I can only answer for me

Not wanting to get my heart ripped out again would top my list of reasons why I don't look like I'm interested even if I am
Second on my list for the time being, not financially able to woo anyone at this time
Perhaps when my work hours are FT I may consider it


S, I could use lessons in learning to not be a 2x4 butch
I rarely ever know when a femme is flirting or interested in me
I'm usually the one on the sidelines with admiration or some might say crush
I look at a person from the inside, the head and heart first
Looks can be deceiving, if that's what one first admires in another


So, if someone wants to get to know me better, put it out there
I may never know otherwise because I may not be looking at you

I am the same way Wolfy I am a huge 2x4 butch. I never know when a femme is flirting or interested. I just crush from a far. And yes if someone wants to get to know me she is definitely gonna have to make the first move

[Invictus]

Wishing everyone an enjoyable sunday....

[Sachita]

Ok Wolfy and BBM

Unfortunately you'll need to step out of this. In my last post I mentioned friends. I think you both could learn a lot being just friends with femmes and letting your guard down. BUT don't do the passive aggressive drama rama thing. Take relationship completely out of the equation. If the chemistry is strong enough you won't be able to do anything about it, but don't give unwelcome advances. Let things flow naturally.

Wolfy you made a comment in a rep and on my wall that was so flattering. It was just beautiful. You spoke from the heart and I would have loved to just spend the day with you talking and hanging out. Dating doesn't have to be hook, line and sinker.... its can be a simple exchange of like minds coming together to experience a dynamic. Maybe its just not meant to go any further then that and thats really ok. At least in my book. If a butch wants to hang out with me as a friend and charm me a bit then I say "hell yeah- bring it on!"

[WolfyOne]

Originally Posted by Sachita

more from me... lol

ok here is a novel idea- BAM upside your head- pay attention!!!! lol

I love starting as friends. In fact I can easily have a butch as a buddy, go fishing, hang out and not have the pressure of dating. Let's face it, I'm pretty damn cool. lol (I'm in that kind of mood today) I always say "friends first". If something happens, great! if not, thats ok too. I enjoy butch company. I don't have to do the "jump your bones then call uhaul". In fact I might be slow to commit for some.

lez be friends, shall we?

Ummmmm, now paying attention, lol

I'd go fishing with you, if I was in the neighborhood...heck, I'm even good for hanging out

I'd be more of a lets have a non date and just talk kind of person

Being pretty and damn cool works

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

Ummmmm, now paying attention, lol

I'd go fishing with you, if I was in the neighborhood...heck, I'm even good for hanging out

I'd be more of a lets have a non date and just talk kind of person

Being pretty and damn cool works

awwww now you're talking! Polite, a little flirty but genuine. It keeps the doors of friendship open. You can flirt with me anytime love muffins and should you find yourself in my neck of the woods I'll even take you fishing. Don't count on my going to OK- never was on my list.