Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[Nina]

I consider myself a Lady...I use my own definition of that word, as I do many words...I am unsure I could meet, or want to meet, a definition which included the rejoinder that I "conduct yourself like a lady"...that to Me, and this is all a me-me-me commentary, feels more like being spoken to like a petulant, misbehaving little-girl...

since I Am a Lady I really don't need to be told how to conduct myself...

I will assume that my interpretation of the comment is wrong and chalk it up to my intrinsic problems understanding the sophisticated and complicated courting rituals shared between gentlemen and ladies...

I do SO love NinaLand where all things make sense to me

Originally Posted by Invictus

Ladies, if I may...

A gentleman is a gentleman is a gentleman.

Please conduct yourself like a lady, which should go without being said, but included due to past dating disasters.

One never gets a second chance to make a good impression on a first date.

[Soon]

I liked that Invi would take into consideration the woman's preferences in the planning of a date.

Invi,

I do take issues (as you can tell I am sure, so do others) with the whole, "Please conduct yourself as ladies" comment.

Perhaps you will clarify what you meant as it is a bit archaic and belittling.

[Softly]

1st date (couple years ago) ended with me taking my pants off and asking her to watch me.

she fell in love and stuck around.

I am SUCH a lady.


(I was informed that I scared the hell out of her that night, but not that much apparently)

FOR ME - there are no rules.
Just have fun and do what you want to do.
The best way to get to know someone is to be yourself.

oh - do not get me flowers. I have allergy triggered asthma and will be busting out my inhaler and THAT is not too sexy

[dixie]

I don't require extensive or expensive dates. I'm a casual kinda girl. Yes, fancy restaurants/theatre/etc are fine for special occasions, but I prefer the more simple things. Picnics in the park, hiking to a waterfall, touring a museum, strolling thru the historic district...those are much more my style. Hell, take me bowling or playing miniature golf, both of which are great for laughing and enjoying a more playful time together. Any date is perfect if I am enjoying the company, no matter the location or expense of the date. Also, don't bring me flowers. For the most part, I hate flowers. If you want to give me a gift, pick something thoughtful that reminded you of me (if you know me well enough). Truth of the matter though, I don't need nor want gifts. All I'm interested in is enjoying your company.

[princessbelle]

Oh Dixie that reminds me. One of the best dates i was ever on was a picnic with a blanket and a fire and soft music and it was in her living room. Wow how special is that. Took so much effort and forethought. I felt like a true princess.

It really takes so little to bring that wonderful feeling of being special in someone's eyes. No feeling in the world like being someone's everything, even if it is just for a couple hours.

[Lynn]

For this femme, were I dating: act like an adult and treat me like one. If the door presents itself to be held, go ahead and hold it, but don't fall over yourself for the sake of chivalry. To me, that would be contrived. I might hold the door for you, too, if it seems right. More importantly, listen well, communicate openly, and show that you care. Flowers are OK, but eye contact is even better. Don't put too many obstacles in front of actually meeting and spending real time together (vs. texting, chatting, email).

[betenoire]

if i get to the door first (and I always get to the door before Nick because I am taller than Nick is and by extension of that walk faster) I get to open it for myself.

door opening is okay, i guess, but unnecessary. and in situations where there are two sets of doors (which there often are when entering a restaurant) the "holding the door dance" is incredibly awkward.

must I REALLY stand there inside of the first door while you scurry toward the second door to get that one as well? how incredibly tedious and time-wastey!

I don't mind car doors held for me when I am getting IN the car, but when getting out it's just obnoxious. I don't want to just sit there waiting for you to run around to my side of the car to release this poor simple bird from her four-wheeled cage. Jesus, we could be halfway to our destination if I didn't have to sit around waiting for you!

[atomiczombie]

Femmes, all your answers are great and exactly what I was looking for. Thank you so much for your honesty and openness! It certainly drives home for me just how diverse all you femmes are, not that I didn't know that before, hehe. Being a good listener is something that I keep thinking about as I read the various posts, that and being respectful (both of which are a given, as far as I am concerned).

To all the non-femme-identified persons who have posted here about their wants and needs on a date: I am, as the OP, asking that you all let this thread be just for the femmes. Another thread or 2 can be started for butches and trans guys and others to say what they like on a date. I put this in the femme zone because I wanted the femmes to have the exclusive voice here.

Again, all you beautiful, amazing femmes, a big THANK YOU to you all! Please feel free to keep sharing. I am learning a lot!!

[tantalizingfemme]

Please do:

Keep it casual
Be respectful
Ask questions you want ME to answer
Be honest

Please don't:

Treat me like a delicate flower
Assume you know what I like, what I want
Bring me a gift
Brag about how chivalrous you are
Not let me get the door, buy a drink
Take me to a movie or show... If this is a new dating situation I am still deciding whether this may have potential as you should be, and I don't want the bulk of the time not interacting.
Ask me a question because your really dying to tell me what you think
Don't go overboard. Someone who is trying too hard makes me feel icky and there will not be another date. Same with the gifts... I don't want to feel like I have to owe anyone.

For me, someone who is secure in themselves does not have to bring pomp and circumstance to every date. If I feel that someone is always trying too hard, it feels desperate and that is unattractive.

Obviously, I am out of the dating pool, but when I was still doggy paddling, I appreciated simple things... you can't go wrong with that.

[Invictus]

I deeply regret any remarks that may have offended anyone in any way, that certainly was not my intent.

Perhaps I should have provided some of the more noteworthy disasters...

The dinner plate is not meant to serve as storage for chewing gum, which by the way was "re-used", also, it is not an ashtray.

Flatulence has zero entertainment value, I will not pull your finger, no matter how loud you ask at dinner.

I am glad that you are proud that you can "burp the alphabet", I believe you, there is no need to prove it.

Public casual dining does not include Miller Beer pajama bottoms and a Winni the Pooh night shirt.

Again, I regret having offended anyone.

[Greco]

Invictus,

I've been considering beginning to date, and this just gave me chills, and not in a good way.

Ladies, this was not an attempt to derail this thread, just had to respond to this post.

Greco

Originally Posted by Invictus

I deeply regret any remarks that may have offended anyone in any way, that certainly was not my intent.

Perhaps I should have provided some of the more noteworthy disasters...

The dinner plate is not meant to serve as storage for chewing gum, which by the way was "re-used", also, it is not an ashtray.

Flatulence has zero entertainment value, I will not pull your finger, no matter how loud you ask at dinner.

I am glad that you are proud that you can "burp the alphabet", I believe you, there is no need to prove it.

Public casual dining does not include Miller Beer pajama bottoms and a Winni the Pooh night shirt.

Again, I regret having offended anyone.

[blush]

Invictus, I appreciate you coming in and clarifying your comment. Your examples sound like horrible behavior, whether butch or femme. It makes me twitch when a butch insists on how femmes should act, especially in a thread for femmes.

Originally Posted by Invictus

I deeply regret any remarks that may have offended anyone in any way, that certainly was not my intent.

Perhaps I should have provided some of the more noteworthy disasters...

The dinner plate is not meant to serve as storage for chewing gum, which by the way was "re-used", also, it is not an ashtray.

Flatulence has zero entertainment value, I will not pull your finger, no matter how loud you ask at dinner.

I am glad that you are proud that you can "burp the alphabet", I believe you, there is no need to prove it.

Public casual dining does not include Miller Beer pajama bottoms and a Winni the Pooh night shirt.

Again, I regret having offended anyone.

[msW8ing]

Originally Posted by Invictus

I deeply regret any remarks that may have offended anyone in any way, that certainly was not my intent.

IMHO I wasn't offended. It was the same as me asking for you to act as a gentleman. We all have our preferences and thats what makes life interesting to me. Personally I'm appauled to see how some people act and are completely mannerless(if thats a word) and tactless. Now and days one cannot just assume thier date will have manners or tact. I've had similiar nightmare dates. Just my .02 cents.

[*Anya*]

Many of us growing up had that shit drilled into our heads: girls have to wear dresses-not pants; cover your knees; sit up straight; act with decorum at all times (no laughing too loud, only lady-like giggles allowed), etc. It is a button-pusher for me, to be told to act like a lady whatever the heck that means!

Using good manners, well that is another thing. Anyone with manners doesn't belch or worse on a date with someone you are not intimately involved with already! I used to read Miss Manners regularly & know to act appropriately on a date or whatever social situation I am in.

How to be treated on a date: use human good manners (Applies to all genders); don't get drunk- more than one or two (tops) glasses of wine/beer on a date or I am going to worry you need to be in recovery. Don't whip out a joint and tell me how much you love pot (see glass of wine above) or pills, or whatever your drug if choice is.

Just common courtesy, that's all for all of us, how about that?

[Martina]

Because people exchange versions of their life stories on these things, i have had folks expect me to relate my sexual history to them. They casually will ask me about long term relationships etc. i can see why someone might want to know that info before they get too involved with someone, but it's not info that people are entitled to. i am so shocked when i get these questions. i deflect them semi-politely, and the sensible date will get the point.

[girl_dee]

I've been thinking about this thread, and even though it's fluff there is so much to learning about people based on dates.

I saw a show once where they did *productive* dating.. the couples that were unadvised shared small talk, sillyness and basic awkwardness around each other, basically at the end of the night knew nothing much about each other.

The couples that were advised had a much more *productive * date. There were advised to ask real questions around conversations that most would never ask normally. For instance, religion, politics, family, children. If one of the couple never ever wants kids and you do, why would you want to have a second date if you are looking for a future?

I guess it all depends on what you are looking for.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

I've been thinking about this thread, and even though it's fluff there is so much to learning about people based on dates.

I actually don't consider this a fluff thread. I put it in the femme zone and not the "fluffy stuff" because I do take this seriously. What femmes want is important to me, and imho, it should be to anyone who wants to date a femme.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia

Many of us growing up had that shit drilled into our heads: girls have to wear dresses-not pants; cover your knees; sit up straight; act with decorum at all times (no laughing too loud, only lady-like giggles allowed), etc. It is a button-pusher for me, to be told to act like a lady whatever the heck that means!

Using good manners, well that is another thing. Anyone with manners doesn't belch or worse on a date with someone you are not intimately involved with already! I used to read Miss Manners regularly & know to act appropriately on a date or whatever social situation I am in.

How to be treated on a date: use human good manners (Applies to all genders); don't get drunk- more than one or two (tops) glasses of wine/beer on a date or I am going to worry you need to be in recovery. Don't whip out a joint and tell me how much you love pot (see glass of wine above) or pills, or whatever your drug if choice is.

Just common courtesy, that's all for all of us, how about that?

I think for me there is a big difference between expecting someone to act like a lady, and treating that person like a lady. Good manners for me mean trying to make someone feel as comfortable as possible, and show appreciation. If I open a door for you, it is not because I don't think you are perfectly capable of doing so yourself; I do it to show my appreciation and respect.