Jokes and things that made you laugh.

asphaltcowboi · 08-12-2011, 02:12 PM

The Gay Cowboy...

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand..

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

Two o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her..

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

Janstevie · 08-28-2011, 06:28 AM

Do you know someone who is alive today simply because you can't afford a hitman?

WolfyOne · 08-28-2011, 05:08 PM

Donald Duck's on a dirty weekend, calls reception & asks for condoms.
Receptionist says shall I put them on your bill?
"Don't be thuckin thupid I'd thuffocate!"

Guy · 08-29-2011, 08:42 PM

On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.

(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy)

Guy · 08-30-2011, 03:32 PM

I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if the seal is broken." So I opened the box and sure enough.

deb_U_taunt · 08-30-2011, 04:21 PM

A teacher gave her kids lifesavers. The children began to identify the flavors by the colors - red/cherry, yellow/lemon, green/lime, orange.. Finally the teacher gave them all Honey lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste. She said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spat her lifesaver out and yelled, "Oh my God, they're assholes!" The teacher had to leave the room.

JoSchmooze · 08-30-2011, 05:04 PM

Watching The Closer last night and seeing Capt Rader
fire off her bean bag shotgun at a suspect.....
And then complaining that even though she got the guy
right between the eyes, saying it was a lucky shot...
"the recoil on these things are atrocious"!!

I almost fell outta my recliner I was laughing so hard!

08-12-2011, 02:12 PM	#1
asphaltcowboi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: butch Relationship Status: HAPPY Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: ..... Posts: 1,509 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,367 Thanked 3,297 Times in 1,042 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	The Gay Cowboy... A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired." __________________

08-28-2011, 05:08 PM	#3
WolfyOne Magically Delicious How Do You Identify?: Gentle Butch Relationship Status: Single and content Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 6,558 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,052 Thanked 15,392 Times in 4,138 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Donald Duck's on a dirty weekend, calls reception & asks for condoms. Receptionist says shall I put them on your bill? "Don't be thuckin thupid I'd thuffocate!" __________________ Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage --- Lao Tzo

08-30-2011, 05:04 PM	#7
JoSchmooze Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He, hym, mister or "sir", like I get called by strangers! Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Right here, surrounded by technology Posts: 1,830 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,267 Thanked 10,989 Times in 1,627 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	*Watching The Closer last night and seeing Capt Rader* *fire off her bean bag shotgun at a suspect.....* *And then complaining that even though she got the guy* *right between the eyes, saying it was a lucky shot...* *"the recoil on these things are atrocious"!!* *I almost fell outta my recliner I was laughing so hard!* __________________ *Live your life in such a way that* *when your feet hit the floor* *in the morning,* *Satan shudders and* *says, "Oh God, he's up!"*

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08-28-2011, 06:28 AM	#2
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Do you know someone who is alive today simply because you can't afford a hitman?

08-29-2011, 08:42 PM	#4
Guy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 1,858 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,258 Thanked 2,574 Times in 889 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy)

08-30-2011, 03:32 PM	#5
Guy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 1,858 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,258 Thanked 2,574 Times in 889 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if the seal is broken." So I opened the box and sure enough.

08-30-2011, 04:21 PM	#6
deb_U_taunt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: May 2011 Location: ....... Posts: 1,748 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,324 Thanked 5,255 Times in 1,361 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	A teacher gave her kids lifesavers. The children began to identify the flavors by the colors - red/cherry, yellow/lemon, green/lime, orange.. Finally the teacher gave them all Honey lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste. She said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spat her lifesaver out and yelled, "Oh my God, they're assholes!" The teacher had to leave the room.