Click.... when we knew we were feminists

[The_Lady_Snow]

My Abuelita introduced me to her Coven, a bunch of women from the vecindades around her were all there. They were discussing politics, households and some of their families. My Abuelta refered to my Mom as a non feminista and pointed to me saying " she'll ruin la pulga" if I don't keep doing what I'm doing. My Abuelita paved that road for me..

[Nat]

My mother - who doesn't describe or think of herself as a feminist - made it pretty impossible for me not to be a feminist. My dad left when I was 3, and my (very strong) mom dealt. She moves mountains. And she talked to me about her experiences being treated as though she were stupid at work and also being blatantly sexually harrassed at her first job. After her divorce, she said she would never remarry, and although she dated, she was clear about not wanting to be serious. She doesn't suffer fools and she doesn't put up with bs. Since my first memories of her, she went from being a secretary to getting 2 masters degrees, having a full and rewarding career while researcying for and writing a book (non-fiction, history). She's also an artist who has over the years made some beautiful art and had some really interesting hobbies. She's also a musician who plays both the cello and the viola di gamba. She's interested and curious about the world and about life and nature and how things work. She's just awesome and a powerhouse.

I am not a powerhouse in the same vein, but with her as an example there was never a time when a blatantly sexist statement couldn't be counteracted by my own mother's realness.

I think the first time I remember being really offended by sexism was when my 8th grade spanish teacher stated to our class that she would never vote for a woman president because women's periods make them crazy.

The sense of indignance and feeling of betrayal that a woman, a teacher, would say that to our class - pissed me off enormously. It still pisses me off. So I guess if there was a *click* it was that.

[Julie]

My Dad... Growing up he was the epitome of misogyny. He used women as he wanted and really had no issue with it. Not until he had me. He always said, he knew I was different (then my sister) and wanted so much more for me. Not that he didn't want that for my sister -- we just had a different relationship.

He taught me to be strong and to NEVER sell my soul to the man or to the machine.

So, this sexist - this man who saw women as mere sex objects and women to fulfill his needs in his castle - taught me to be the most amazing strong woman imaginable. Perhaps I was his lesson. He died a feminist. I am proud.

[Starbuck]

Growing up I followed in the footsteps of my mother, the man brings home the bacon, you're a housewife, he has the last say, he's right, you're wrong...that's the kind of attitude that got me into an abusive marriage. I will not detail the horrors of that marraige here but I ended up with PTSD from it, have cut my wrists over that and when I've seen my dad and mom get into fights, been in the psych unit 10 (yes 10) times because of this shit. *CLICK*

I've been in therapy for over three years now and there ain't NO man gonna tell this girl what's what! I don't care if you're my father or a stranger on the street I WILL stand up to you, whether for me, or another woman I see. I don't play! Whoa...I had to take a break for a second there, I got all worked up and angry again; had to watch the birds to calm down.

[Violette]

Wow, so many times I shook my head as a child. I was raised in a house with mostly boys. I was raised *to be a girl*. I was responsible for most of the house work. I had a different set of rules I had to live by (much more restrictive). I was told that if I wanted to go to college, it would not be paid for (and my father said he wouldn't co-sign loans)...I remember my mom saying that she would never go to a female doctor...the list goes on and on.

I had several jobs to work my way through college. I remember one disgusting guy sexually harassing me and thinking to myself: 1. What a shit head, 2. I deserve better than this, and 3. It dawned on my how much I undervalued myself as a woman, person, worker, human being. I knew something had to change.

When I finally worked my way to university, I became very active in our women's center. I loved that setting. So, I guess it took something disgusting to make it finally click for me. I know I cam to the party a bit late because of how I was raised. Thank goodness something inside of me told me I was of value. It has taken many years of therapy to really know how valuable I am...and still sometimes I forget, but only momentarily.

[Violette]

Originally Posted by Starbuck

Growing up I followed in the footsteps of my mother, the man brings home the bacon, you're a housewife, he has the last say, he's right, you're wrong...that's the kind of attitude that got me into an abusive marriage. I will not detail the horrors of that marraige here but I ended up with PTSD from it, have cut my wrists over that and when I've seen my dad and mom get into fights, been in the psych unit 10 (yes 10) times because of this shit. *CLICK*

I've been in therapy for over three years now and there ain't NO man gonna tell this girl what's what! I don't care if you're my father or a stranger on the street I WILL stand up to you, whether for me, or another woman I see. I don't play! Whoa...I had to take a break for a second there, I got all worked up and angry again; had to watch the birds to calm down.

Well done, you!! You are walking a brave walk!

[*Anya*]

I had a couple of half-clicks before the full-click.

Never made sense to me as the girl child that I had to cook dinners, set the table, wash dishes, clean the house, wash the clothes, iron and my two brothers only had the take the garbage out!

Then, I got married to escape prison life only to join another. My ex-husband wanted me to wash & iron all his dress/casual shirts and hang them according to color in his closet. I asked why? Answer: "that's your job as my wife".

One day I went to the library and found a book called: "Sisterhood is Powerful". Hello!

I joined NOW, started holding Consciousness Raising groups in my livingroom, refused to accept his abuse (physical & mental) and the full-click turned in my head. Once you see-you can never unsee but nor would I ever want to be without sight again either.

[Julie]

This topic has given me much thought about how I am as a feminist and how I walk through my world. On a day to day basis, I walk among men and women. I defer to no one. I know who I am and I also know the power I wield in my world. I am a mother, who has raised 3 sons to be feminist and should they ever objectify a woman or treat her less than… I would be filled with shame.

Yet, here I am. I have had these conversations with many of my Femme sisters. Those same sisters who are strong and powerful women…. Feminist. With some of these sisters of mine, I share a similar craving. A place where I can let go of all the power I myself have created. A place where I can in fact submit and yes, be objectified by that beautiful masculine energy. To be with a partner who would never think of letting me take the garbage out – the same garbage I would take out, if I were alone.

Am I less of a feminist, when I expect my partner to fill the gas tank? Or to stand when I leave the table. To open the doors for me, and step aside as I walk in? Am I less of a feminist because I crave to dress in the most sexualizing way I can, knowing it will in fact create the exact essence I am wanting? That I might use my body to induce arousal, in a most feminizing way? I am using my body and my most seductive ways to create this.

It’s interesting to me. To be a woman who has created a great power around her, yet to be the same woman who craves one person to give it all to. To be objectified in the most delicious manner!

Is it possible to be both? (for me, I know the answer).

Am I a feminist when I know how to use my body, to sometimes get what I want? To use my wiles and manipulation… Of course, I am not fooling anyone. Those who partner with me, know I wish to be objectified. However, does this change who I am and how I demand equality and respect?

Thank you Kobi – This is an interesting conversation – One of which has given me great thought. I am curious as to how others feel. Are women in our community considered less than, because of how we might in fact choose to wear that apron with nothing on under it… While we remove the meatloaf from the oven and serve another.