Femme Led Relationships and Trans/Butch/Femme Bottoms

[Isadora]

All though we joke about it, they are not all femme led...just as all relationships are not butch/male/masculine led. I think I am just me. The oldest of ten children who had a very ill mother and I took charge. Is it innate? Probably. Was it necessary for me and my siblings to survive? Definitely. Did it make me skilled at organizing and socializing? Why, yes it did. Did it make me bossy? Why, yes it did that, too.

But it also made me listen, nurture, kiss boo boos, fix skates, hammer forts, go to parent/teacher conferences and feed 11 people on 2 lbs of hamburger. (Think "Shameless" without the sex, alcohol or drugs.) I had to set priorities early...do I go to prom and spend money on a dress or do I pay for Tom's math tutor? We always talk about leadership like it is dominant. Leadership is many things and many many studies have been done on what it means...but being a leader in my relationship is not about dominance it is about openess to serve with the skills that are both innate and learned. I provide the direction, the social calendar, the emotional support, make important decisions but my partner is not like a minion waiting for my next command. LOL Leadership is more than bossing people around or telling them what to do. Leadership is listening. Leadership is coaxing. Leadership is laying down. Leadership is admitting skills (both held and lacking). Leadership is realizing that people are complicated and messy.

Leadership in a relationship also is about love and loving. Love is not a rigid board of perfect design. Love is part of how I am. I am not perfect at anything, but Love makes my femme led relationships a playful dragonfly of grace in a field of sweet clover.