Beyond Owning It...

[Gemme]

I am a demanding bitch.

Most of the time, I'm okay with it. Sometimes I regret it. Other times, I'm extremely frustrated because others do not see things as I do.

I have control issues.

My way isn't the only way; just the best way. Being objective, I'm right about this often. Not always, but often.

I am very judgemental.

Moreso of myself than others, but everyone sees my judgement of them but rarely that of myself. I am a very harsh critic. I guess this ties in with the previous two notes.

A very simple example to give you an idea of what I mean. The toilet paper roll. When you're done with the roll, put a new roll on the thingy and the old roll in the recycling bag. Most of the time, that is not how it happens and that makes for an unhappy me. See, I can't just let the empty roll sit there on the counter or wherever it's been put. Everything has a place and there's a place for everything and that place is not on the fucking counter. So, I move it to the recycling bag. In the process of doing that, I bitch to Ebon about it not being put in the bag in the first place. He says it would have made it there eventually. I say why not do it then, when you changed it over? He says "I dunno" and I drill holes in his back with my eyes and stew in judgemental juices.



It's a good thing he thinks I'm cute.

[julieisafemme]

I am sassy. I am always right. I am stubborn. I will take you on directly if I feel I have been challenged. All of my siblings are the same way. My task for the past many years has been to learn when to keep my mouth shut and to realize that just because I am telling someone the truth about how I feel does not make it acceptable! All it does is relieve my anxiety about lying. That is not an acceptable reason to unburden myself. I have to sit with the anxiety it causes, the itch to speak.

[MissItalianDiva]

Hmm well where should I start....

First of all I can be overly critical of folks especially those who may be someone I am interested in. Things will be fine and it is almost as if I look for a reason to not be interested. It is a major flaw and issue that I am currently working on.

Another one which somewhat ties in with the first is my resistance to share my life with anyone on a personal level. I am very protective over what is mine and my world. Too much so. I realize there is a healthy limits on boundaries and it is good to establish them in order to protect ourselves but I have realized this year I have taken it way to far. I throw myself in work or my family life and lock out any potential existence of a romantic relationship. Once again I am currently processing it all and probably overthinking it but this is something I am aware of and attempting to make a conscious effort at not doing.

[deb_U_taunt]

I have expectations of myself, I would never think of placing on someone else.

I am loyal to a fault to people who haven't earned it.

I can live alone too well. (hermit)

[SoNotHer]

I hear myself in some of the words of Debby, Claybabytwo and Scandal Andy. People have and can affect me deeply, so I have begun to cultivate a way to live that does not get me clover picking down a road of "They love me. They love me not." There is work yet to be done.

I question some of my feelings and reactions now as part of that work. And when I have a nagging urge to get on a bicycle and ride an hour, like tonight, or dance around the house, or just do what my soul-that-would-be-happy wants me to, I do. And I am learning to do that regardless of whether or not I think someone is demanding my attention. Spending a lot of time alone has helped me pick up on my own clues.

And in that vein, I take on people's problems and responsibilities. I know why I'm a "fixer," and I think recognizing and acknowledging that is part of the changing process. I also believe that with self awareness comes trust. The body directs us to what we really need, like, want, desire, crave. I believe that. I just have to live that belief on a more consistent basis.

Thank you for this thread, ER. It's a good one. :-)

[Soft*Silver]

I only give verbal venom when I am backed into a corner. I wont apologize for it and wont even pretend that I want to change this. It has kept me a survivor.

what I will own is that I am hardened now, heart wise. I dont say this as reverse psychology or to lay blame or to gain pity. Not at all. I am just done with subjecting myself to further pain and relationships are where I get myself in trouble. I love what Blade said awhile back...his picker was broke. Mine is too. And I looked up picker fixers in the yellow pages and there are none. So, being hard is a safety net. Kinda like duct tape on a muffler pipe...

I am also getting stuck in my ways. I dont like change. I like what I like and how I like it. I dont want to go to the newfangled restaurant. I like where I get to eat out once in awhile. And I almost always order the same thing. Its a sure thing...

when I want something, get out of my way and dont try to talk me out of it or point out that how I am going about getting it is a bad idea. God help you if it has anything to do with horses and you stand in my way. I have had to lease back the horse I had, with the option of picking her back up again in the future. I just couldnt swing it financially. BUT, by god, I will do that. Somehow, someway. Once its a dream or a passion, I will obtain it...sometimes foolishly...