Ask a trans person!

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by Hunter Green

[B][COLOR="Blue"]Here are my questions:

If you are an FTM, and consider yourself a man, ID as a man and live as a man:

And here's where the problem begins

Not everyone who is trans, who is born "female"-bodied or with XX chromosomes, who has "transitioned" to "male"-bodied or who is unable/does not want to "transition" (here meaning hormones, surgery etc.), but who identifies as male or transguy or any similar identity, considers themselves an FtM or even "a man." That is a huge problem when it comes to understanding the trans community. For myself, I use the label FtM only to find supportive environments (though, luckily, irl, simply "trans" is most often used so I never have to do the whole "FtM" thing in most places) where I might find like-minded people or people with similar experiences. But when it comes down to it I don't (and can't ever see myself) identify as Female-to-Male or as transsexual. I was born into a body that was assigned female, but as far as I'm concerned I've always been male in my mind. Some would even argue that because a person has always identified as male internally, that any body attached to them is technically male, even if it doesn't fit accepted physical definition (which seems to be changing, anyways). The more research is devoted towards trans people and the reality of their minds/bodies, and the exploration of sex differentiations beyond what is clearly visible, the more the binary appears to not be all encompassing. While male and female do exist, I don't see various trans folks and intersex folks falling into that binary, or at the very least seem to blur the lines fairly thoroughly.

When it comes to my own identity, yes, I consider male pronouns to be the correct pronouns, and the way I've always expected my body to turn out has always been male-bodied. But I've never considered myself female or a girl or a woman, and so as far as I'm concerned I have not, and do not continue to "transition" into anything, because I've always been and considered myself a male person even if I was never fully accepting or considered that way by others. I'm simply a different kind of male or perhaps simply a different kind of human being altogether.

1. Why do you wish to hang around with dykes?

Because I am only really attracted to queer women. I was assigned "female" at birth (which at times seems both a blessing and a curse, since I abhor the body I was born into, but on the other hand wouldn't have it any other way at this point, as far as what I've had to go through in order to be recognised as who I truly am. I would never give up my experience in the butch/femme community.) Many transguys began their journey to self-discovery and acceptance through the lesbian or queer female community, and I don't think they should have to give that up, or give up their primary attractions for the sake of labels.

2. Why are you interested in relationships with gay women as opposed to straight women?

I just want to correct here and say that I'm interested in relationships with queer women. If I meet a woman who identifies as a lesbian, but who I hit it off with, and who treats me with respect as a male identified butch and transguy and I respect her identity, in turn, then I see no problem with it if she doesn't. That is what I love about the LGBTQ community. We are not often as confined by labels and rigid binaries...though we can be if we want to be

And this comes down to part of the reason why I won't date straight women. I am not a trans individual who wants to be "stealth" or appear as a "normal hetero couple." Many lesbians or queer women seem to worry that when they date a transguy/trans male/butch/masculine identity that they will lose their visibility as a lesbian. Hell, I'm equally as worried about maintaining my visibility as a stone butch, queer, transguy general individual, and I would never want to be mistaken as a hetero couple, though I know that can happen at times. For me, many straight women are from a completely different reality than I am from, and there's really nothing for me or for them in that relationship.

I was initially drawn to the lesbian/queer woman community because I didn't know where else I fit, until I started to accept what I always knew. And in the end, it turned out I fit pretty well into that queer community at its most diverse. I wouldn't have discovered my identity and accepted myself without the lesbian/queer female/woman community. Today, it has more to do with what I've come to learn about many queer women over time. Queer women do not often follow the same rigid binaries (though they can), nor are they often interested in them (though they can be). They do not rely on a traditional dynamic (though, sometimes, they can), and in such a relationship neither of us need to be dominant or assumed to "lead" the relationship (though, when a woman/couple wants to, they can...and still be queer...the beauty of being queer, really). Queer women are very good at being reliant on themselves and having a good relationship with themselves, instead of being obsessed with being defined by their partner (unless they want to be). All these things I bring up may outwardly appear to be personality-driven, but to me it really comes out in the physical appearance and presence of an individual as well. I don't want a hetero relationship, with a woman who's interested in fancy black dress dinner parties and some trophy-wife/bread winner dynamic. I want a woman who's a queer activist, who is invested in "queerness" because it's a part of who she is. And with that "queerness" comes an understanding of the beauty of gender diversity. The understanding that, no, I don't want to be a "normal straight guy," but neither am I a female/woman. And I feel that's reciprocal. Someone who I can understand as consciously happy with their own identity as a woman and/or female and/or feminine, but who's identity as a woman/female/feminine individual is divorced from what she enjoys and what she wears and what she does.

I really don't know how to explain it any better than that. Other than the simple phrase of: "I don't want a heternormative relationship or hetero environment." Queerness isn't bound by what is "acceptable" or "traditional" or "respectable" or "normal." It's simply the dynamic two people create regardless of how they identify. Anyone who even identifies as straight would defy what I look for in a relationship simply by us being in a relationship together.

3. How are you any different than any straight guy off the street, and why do you come here, to this site, which is for butch and femme lesbian women?

Well, I was born into a different situation than the average straight guy off the street. I was assigned "female" at birth, though have never identified with that marker as long as I can remember. Though I've often abhorred that fate over the span of my life, at the same time it's given me experiences I would never want to give up, even for the most awesome set of cock & balls in the world It has also led me to understand myself as simply a different kind of male/guy/whatever. Probably the most important thing is that I'm queer and attracted to queer women (and most often, queer femme women). This community/the general b/f community outside this forum's context, even, isn't one I just randomly waltzed into.

Also, the butch/femme dynamic has not (even historically) been exclusively lesbian. Many butch/femme individuals identify as queer rather than lesbian. Transguys and trans individuals have been involved in the butch/femme community, most likely, since its inception. Or at least we, today, have occasionally heard the voices/words/echos of those who were around in the early days, who were trans-identified (or using modern terminology, anyway). It may not have been the norm, but it was present.

Lastly, butch and trans are not mutually exclusive. A transguy or trans-identified male/masculine identity can also identify as butch. Butch can mean many things, not only woman and lesbian, but third gender, genderqueer/fluid, trans, transmale etc. Just look at some of those who have posted in response to you already!

[/quote]4. How do you think a straight man, who wished to join us here, would be received, in contrast to how you are received here?[/quote]

Well, I think one of the key words there is: straight

Some here use straight to define their relationship/preference, but many use queer or gay or some other word to describe their relationship/preference. Is a straight, cis guy coming in with the same background and intent? A guy who has never been involved in the queer community in the least? I mean, I can understand lesbians or queer women occasionally even pairing with gay or queer men. It's not a completely foreign occurrence. But a random straight dude? I think there's a difference there. Or maybe that's just me.


Also thought I'd drop this link here. You may be interested in reading it, to better understand how some trans people see their sex/gender as beyond the usual binary.

http://tranarchism.com/2010/11/26/no...oms-trans-101/

Sorry for the long ass answer. I've never been good at keeping shit short and sweet, and tend to ramble a lot. Hope it answers your questions anyways. Also helps me to find better ways to explain myself to people in my day to day life, so thanks for asking these questions. It's served as a mental exercise for myself as well, as far as kind of putting myself into words and putting the community/communities I love so much into words. I never quite seem done with that sort of exploration.