FTM C*ck

[pinkajl]

Oh my, at the risk of derailing this thread before it even truly begins, some of the posts remind me of a comment made during a workshop I facilitated this weekend at a women's festival.

The workshop: Butches and the Femmes Who Love Them

The question: What do you call a femme who straps on?
The answer (provided by a stone butch attendee): A lesbian

Seriously, would an FTM or a butch truly embrace femme cock? I'm not talking about competition or size. I'm not even talking about Dom/sub roles. I'm talking about identity, emotional safety, and the whole dynamic.

Pink

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by pinkajl

Oh my, at the risk of derailing this thread before it even truly begins, some of the posts remind me of a comment made during a workshop I facilitated this weekend at a women's festival.

The workshop: Butches and the Femmes Who Love Them

The question: What do you call a femme who straps on?
The answer (provided by a stone butch attendee): A lesbian

Seriously, would an FTM or a butch truly embrace femme cock? I'm not talking about competition or size. I'm not even talking about Dom/sub roles. I'm talking about identity, emotional safety, and the whole dynamic.

Pink

My femme cock is embraced quite well thank you very much!!

[apretty]

Originally Posted by pinkajl

Seriously, would an FTM or a butch truly embrace femme cock? I'm not talking about competition or size. I'm not even talking about Dom/sub roles. I'm talking about identity, emotional safety, and the whole dynamic.

Pink

Emotional safety, from what? We are talking about female-bodied people, are we not? How does butch-emotional safety from cock differ from anyone else who's been conditioned from birth to "act female"?

It's a little disturbing to think that you're facilitating a workshop where someone might come away thinking that femmes can't have a cock, or that a butchs' pleasure comes from taking 9 -loving inches from their femme and now they question their validity as "butch" because they're quite fine with their personal safety...

It's strange, for me, that you're defining butch out there, some place when personally, I've seen/read/experienced a decade of butches that are pretty much undefinable--Especially NOT by how they like to fuck or get fucked.

[pinkajl]

apretty,

Since we've never met and you've never attended one of our workshops, I'll share that we preface every single workshop we facilitate with the fact that we are not telling anyone what is "right" or "wrong". There is no single definition to being butch or femme. It is a spectrum and a personal journey unique to every individual.

We simply come to our workshops with a series of questions and at least one introspection activity. We work hard to create a safe space for sharing. And, we do our best to encourage a healthy discussion on a particular topic.

With that said, I referenced the Q/A from our latest workshop because I found the exchange interesting and relevant to this thread. Our topic was butch cock, trans dick and the phantom penis. Someone else brought up femme cock in our workshop, as well as this board. In the workshop, the exchange I posted generated some light as well as nervous laughter, but it led to a very good discussion. I came to understand what the sense of the 25+ people in our workshop was regarding the topic. I was hoping to do the same here.

As for emotional safety from cock... We seem to share the same question. Is that an issue for butches and FTMs? Since I am neither, it's not my place to answer; so, I will wait to see if someone else chooses to share their perspective.

Pink

[DamonK]

Originally Posted by pinkajl

apretty,

Since we've never met and you've never attended one of our workshops, I'll share that we preface every single workshop we facilitate with the fact that we are not telling anyone what is "right" or "wrong". There is no single definition to being butch or femme. It is a spectrum and a personal journey unique to every individual.

We simply come to our workshops with a series of questions and at least one introspection activity. We work hard to create a safe space for sharing. And, we do our best to encourage a healthy discussion on a particular topic.

With that said, I referenced the Q/A from our latest workshop because I found the exchange interesting and relevant to this thread. Our topic was butch cock, trans dick and the phantom penis. Someone else brought up femme cock in our workshop, as well as this board. In the workshop, the exchange I posted generated some light as well as nervous laughter, but it led to a very good discussion. I came to understand what the sense of the 25+ people in our workshop was regarding the topic. I was hoping to do the same here.

As for emotional safety from cock... We seem to share the same question. Is that an issue for butches and FTMs? Since I am neither, it's not my place to answer; so, I will wait to see if someone else chooses to share their perspective.

Pink

Ohhhhh good question!

I love the male/male relationship. Even though I am female bodied, which I find very insulting, I have no problem with the right FTM...using and abusing me. It would largely depend on who it is. It equates as gay male sex in my head.

And, in my opinion, its fucking hot as hell..... and I quite enjoy it.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Queer vulva & cock is awesome!!!!!

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by pinkajl

Seriously, would an FTM or a butch truly embrace femme cock? I'm not talking about competition or size. I'm not even talking about Dom/sub roles. I'm talking about identity, emotional safety, and the whole dynamic.

I'm a bit confused about what you mean by emotional safety. This isn't me trying to give you a hard time or anything, I just don't know exactly what you mean by it.

As far as identity and dynamic, I think that depends on the person and where their own boundaries lie. Some femmes aren't into receiving penetrative sex, and same for any other identity. For me, the reason is not because I find the idea of femme cock offensive, I just know what freaks me out and triggers my dysphoria...which isn't limited to femme cock, but any cock or object attempting to enter any part of my body. But there are tons of transguys and butches out there who have no problem with getting fucked by a femme with a cock or various other cocks. Buck Angel is far from being the only one, lol.

That's the beauty of this dynamic or the queer dynamic as a whole, is that there is no "this dynamic." Everyone has their preferences. Some butches like femme cock, butch cock, trans/transguy cock, all sorts of cock, some like it some of the time, others like it all of the time, others not at all. Same with every other identity. I don't think we can make a sweeping generalization that says all butches/transguys don't like certain things.

[pinkajl]

Originally Posted by EnderD_503

I'm a bit confused about what you mean by emotional safety. . . For me, the reason is not because I find the idea of femme cock offensive, I just know what freaks me out and triggers my dysphoria...which isn't limited to femme cock, but any cock or object attempting to enter any part of my body.

EnderD,

I think in this case emotional safety = trigger for dysphoria, which is probably a better term for what I was asking about.

I do hear what you're saying and agree with you that there is quite a bit of diversity and no one single way to define the butch femme dynamic.

Thanks for sharing.
Pink.

[DanieClarke]

don't call it my lil pinky

[kannon]

Originally Posted by pinkajl

Oh my, at the risk of derailing this thread before it even truly begins, some of the posts remind me of a comment made during a workshop I facilitated this weekend at a women's festival.

The workshop: Butches and the Femmes Who Love Them

The question: What do you call a femme who straps on?
The answer (provided by a stone butch attendee): A lesbian

Seriously, would an FTM or a butch truly embrace femme cock? I'm not talking about competition or size. I'm not even talking about Dom/sub roles. I'm talking about identity, emotional safety, and the whole dynamic.

Pink

Femme cock has never been part of my sexual proclivities. I think I would have to feel secure and safe to freely experience something so foreign. So, I understand the emotional safety thing.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by kannon

...I think I would have to feel secure and safe to freely experience...

Me too. I don't think safe feelings are gender specific, is the point I was trying to make earlier.

[kannon]

Originally Posted by apretty

Me too. I don't think safe feelings are gender specific, is the point I was trying to make earlier.

True. I guess I've always assumed it's more emotionally stressful for the FTM, butch or male ID individual.

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by kannon

True. I guess I've always assumed it's more emotionally stressful for the FTM, butch or male ID individual.

I agree with what apretty said on this one, as far as it not being gender-specific.

I don't think its always more emotionally stressful for certain identities than others. Even if many non-feminine identities suffer from dysphoria or are stone and don't feel connected with their physical anatomy that way, there are trans and other male, masculine or neutral identities who aren't dysphoric or have minimal dysphoria. I also think in these convos we tend to forget about pre-op transwomen (whether butch or femme) who are also a part of the b/f dynamic, and the dysphoria they might feel. Or stone femmes, not here meaning stone femmes who id as such because they prefer to be with stone butches, but stone femmes who don't like being touched/penetrated.

I don't think that it's because these women or feminine identities are more "rare" than non-feminine counterparts, but because sometimes, as a community, we focus too much on the struggles of non-feminine (here meaning gender neutral, gender fluid, third gender or male identities) identities. Not even as a community here, but as a greater lgbtq community. Like why aren't there as many books written on that form of female/woman/feminine sexuality as there are about male/masculine/gender neutral/fluid?

I'm also not sure these perspectives are easy to change. I've definitely heard what I'm saying here brought up many times before in this community and elsewhere, but it doesn't seem to change the subject of the majority of the discussions. So how do we change that?

[chefhmboyrd]

i think the discussion about safety can cover so many difference perspectives. whether you are butch, femme, stone, ftm, mtf, genderqueer, intersexed, cis, or gender fluid.
It boils down to trust.
do i trust this person with my most vulnerable moments, to completely submit to them and open myself to them?
are you going to allow them to penetrate you physically, mentally, spiritually, metaphorically, partially, or completely?
can you count on this person to use discretion, and not tell your innermost passions to others, or use them against you in the future?
do i feel safe with this person?

@

[Nadeest]

I can say, as a preop tranwoman, that we vary, just as much as any other group does. Some do enjoy using their 'Original Equipment' while they have it, and for others, it is a complete turnoff. I have heard of some that prefer using a strapon, though I am certainly not one of them.
For me, using my 'original equipment' or a strapon triggers my dysphoria, and would be very uncomfortable. Others, however, are different.