Loving a Transman Isn't Easy

[julieisafemme]

Ender I went back and read the article again. I also read the comments section. There is some good discussion on her use of tranny. It seems that her husband uses this word quite deliberately and so her using it could not be seen as a mistake or not knowing better. In that case it could be seen as deliberately divisive. I think she chose her words carefully and so she does have to be responsible for offending some transpeople.

I still support her speaking out. Much of what she said rang true for me. Sometimes it is hard to know where we fit in. Some think my partner can no longer claim Butch as an ID.

This is a hard subject to talk about. I do not want to offend anyone and yet I feel and understand her frustration.

You are right though that the word was used intentionally and so therefore is offensive to you and lots of other people, even though her partner chooses to identify as a tranny.

Originally Posted by EnderD_503

Oh yeah, I definitely understand that when people are new to something it takes them time to learn. I'm pretty sure all of us have unknowingly made some pretty horrible statements in our time. I know I've said some things that I've regretted just because I didn't know better.

I guess to me it comes down to how willing or sensitive people are to learning. Her comments just don't sound at all like she wants to learn, they seem directly in response to the criticism of these "rah rah trannies" whoever they were.

It just makes her sound like she was wronged by some trans people who criticized the way she was dealing with her husband's transition, and so she took that opportunity to rail against them using derogatory language.

I know emotions can be high when you have to deal with a loved one's transition. But, for me, the question here is when is going too far, really going too far? How many derogatory things can a person express out of anger before it becomes officially hurtful and crosses the imaginary line?

I get that some people use this sort of language without bad intent. One of my roommates who's trans uses the word tranny to refer to herself all the time. That's her identity, but she respects others' identity at least. I just didn't get that from her article, and on to of that those aren't words, to me, cis people should be saying.

And its not that I'm not supportive of SOs who are dealing with their partner's transitions. It's not that I don't understand that sometimes people need to express what they're feeling about a tough situation without judgement. I really think it's important for family and loved ones to get support and counseling, too. It seems that she wasn't getting the support she needed and that truly sucks. At the same time, if someone's unapologetically saying things like those two comments she made...that I find really, really hard to accept. I don't think I can. Basically...I support her until she starts railing against an already marginalized group...