Loving a Transman Isn't Easy

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan

Agree with both of the last two posts so much! The term 'transphobic' gets tossed around so much lately - likewise, the term misogyny is coming up more and more often, directed at transmen. A person is not transphobic because they choose to leave, when a partner chooses to transition. A person is not transphobic because they choose not to date a trans person. A transman is not misogynistic because he chooses to transition. When I think transphobia or misogyny, I think hate and bias. I think, as a community, we're too critical of one another, and WAY too quick to throw these terms at one another.

It's not throwing around transphobia needlessly when the word "tranny" is used by cis people to talk about a group of trans people, or when transphobia is depicted as something that trans people throw at cis people to make them feel guilty or negate their feelings. Sorry, but I continue to see her two statements as transphobic. I don't find her feelings over her husbands transition transphobic, nor would I find it transphobic if she left him. In fact, I think it's probably a good idea for a relationship to end if a cis person can't deal with their partner's transition. If they find their partner "hard to love" because of their transition...maybe a break up is better for both, because I know I wouldn't want to be "harder to love" just because of who I am.

And this is where I get back to the questions I was trying to ask before:

At what point does being angry or hurt stop justifying the use of transphobic language. Does it ever? Or is transphobic language always something that trans people should just have to put up with if the person using it is "hurting" or dealing with a partner's transition.

This, to me, is what support groups have always been for. Getting out negative feelings in an SO-only environment without projecting it onto a whole group or a certain individual out of a marginalized group.