What is Forgiveness?

[christie]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I am interested in forgiveness being a trainable skill. I would love to train myself to forgive.

Don't get me wrong, anyone who has ever asked me for forgiveness has gotten it...in general I would say I am a very forgiving person. And I am not talking about smallslights... I am trying to learn to forgive someone who gaslighted me all my life and is no longer around.

People say so many things about how I have to just let it go, and I have no idea how.

Yes, I am in therapy.

This is a tough one.

For me, the crux is forgiving when it hasn't been asked for - when the offender may not have a bloody clue as to the impact of the words, the actions, the inactions or nonwords.

I think that when we don't freely forgive these "trespasses" that we wind up just bottling that hurt up inside and I do think, as others have wisely stated here, that WE are the ones suffering for it. We stuff that hurt, anger and betrayal down and the negativity usually manifests in our health or in our interactions with the world.

Sometimes, when I can't just seem to "get over it", I put it on paper. I write a letter as if I were going to send it to that person. Once its on paper (or in Word) I get rid of it. I've been known to burn the actual paper (not to be confused with setting an ex's stuff on fire at the edge of her yard. Enough bourbon and it SOUNDED like a good idea - but that is another thread about the follies of youth). If I typed it out on the PC, I delete it.

Its symbolic for me in that I am making that decision to be done with it - either in the pressing of the delete key or by striking that match.

I've also been known to ask for a cathartic "scene". Its been quite a while since I've needed that level of purging of the negative energy, but who knows, maybe its something I need.

I'm sure others have their own ways in letting go. I'd be interested to hear them.

((((((((((((((((jen)))))))))))))) I've missed you posting!

Christie