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Old 12-15-2011, 10:01 AM   #1
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I believe the school district's intention was the child's safety. IMO, part of the problem with many of our social ills is that "parents" do not take a committed and active part in the parenting, raising of their child. The system alone cannot give the young ones love, support, guidance, safety.

Adults were telling my mother I was gay when I was about 11 or 12 years old. I said nothing. I was just being a typical tween filled with angst. Again at the age of 18 I was outed but this time, I did step up to the plate and told my mom the truth, Yes I am gay. I like girls.

I suspect the school district is in a position of "Damned if you do; Damned if you don't." The young person's safety is the priority. How can one stay silent about the very reason the child is being bullied? The parents could spend years trying to provide safety for their gay son while believing the bullying is promted by something completely unrelated.
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Old 12-15-2011, 10:13 AM   #2
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One question...did the school also notify the parents' of the bullies to tell them that their children are hateful and ignorant? Did they speak to those parents about what they can do to make their children better human beings? It would seem to me that if you want to prevent harassment, you should go to the source not the victim.
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Old 12-15-2011, 10:20 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by woodstock View Post
One question...did the school also notify the parents' of the bullies to tell them that their children are hateful and ignorant? Did they speak to those parents about what they can do to make their children better human beings? It would seem to me that if you want to prevent harassment, you should go to the source not the victim.
Me personally and I've done this in the past, I get one sniff or hint my child is being harrassed, you bet your ass I am gonna be at that school, waiting, insisting that me, my kid, the kids, and the kids parent, along with school officials have a little talk, and it will be made clear if the child or children that are fucking with my kid continue to do so, I won't stop until something is done be it a charge, expulsion, change of school something better be done or it's gonna get publicly ugly... I feel in these particular times as parents of school age children it is our duty to show up at that school and make some noise...
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Old 12-15-2011, 01:54 PM   #4
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Such great responces everyone...very thoughtful, and thought provoking as well.

Do I think the School District was wrong in outing the student...If the outing did not include bringing in the parents of the children doing the harrassing, then yes I think they were wrong. Maybe school wasn't the best place for this boy to come out, but with the attention being put soley on him as "the problem", I believe the the School District is sending the wrong message to the parents, school, community, and to the child himself.

He "agreed" to the school telling his folks? At 14 I did everything I was told to do by those in "authority"; that was the way I was raised. So did he agree because he thought it was the best option, or was it given as his only option to stop the harrassing?

I am also a parent, so I want to know everything happening with my child...but I was a safe person for my daughter to tell that she thought she was bi-sexual...did the School know what they could have done? The child is out of school this week...being "re-educated" by the parents and Church? I had a friend that was dragged from therapist to therapist in search of a "cure" when she was young; she tried to kill herself several times because her Mom said it was better to have a dead daughter than a gay daughter.

At what point, and in what circumstances should our children expect to be protected without feeling as though they have caused the bullying and harrassing?
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Old 12-15-2011, 02:58 PM   #5
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Our schools and classrooms have many tasks and responsibilities. Outing a child is not one of them.

There are a significant number of ways that that conversation could have been worded to let the parents know that bullying behavior was going on without revealing that information.

Someone mentioned that maybe it's not a good idea since the child was fine with peers knowing but not his own parents. I agree. I also think, in this day and age, that there's more to be worried about than if they are going to throw him out on the street. Families keep a lot of secrets.

How would those who were so gung ho about outing him feel if they found out that he'd had his ass beat for it? That he was thrown out? That his parents were sending him to a church ordered facility to de-gay him?

Inappropriate.
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Old 12-15-2011, 03:29 PM   #6
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Wow what a great discussion.

It is really hard to know how best to deal with this and at first glance and i went back and forth. But, after thinking about both ways and how to deal with it, i believe, like the ones that posted this already, the school did what they thought was best.

Like Kobi said, what if he had committed suicide due to the bullying and no one had told the parents, then who would be "up the creek". The teacher knew....it's either do something or stay silent. As with any profession, there is an inherent responsibility to step forward, even when it is uncomfortable or you are not sure if it is best. With good intensions, it is best practice not to stay silent when you feel someone may be in danger (talking about the bullying here).

What if those bullies had beat that kid to death or anything like that. Again, who would be the fall guy? The teacher who knew the "why" and did nothing.

As someone else said, the teacher could just say the child is bullied and left it at that, but I still feel it was good for the school to explain what they knew (as the child made it public at school). It may have been diff if the child had told a teacher in private or the teacher suspected. He didn't seem to want his parents to know but did want the school peers to know. It would have got back to the parents eventually anyway. Come on, like me, many have been on school boards and the PTO. Nothing is a secret.

IMO at least it is being discussed, handled the best that they (school officials) can. The child is a minor the ultimate responsibilty for that child is the parents and if they mess this up, the state.

I think the school did right. Again, MHO
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Old 12-15-2011, 05:52 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemme View Post
Our schools and classrooms have many tasks and responsibilities. Outing a child is not one of them.

There are a significant number of ways that that conversation could have been worded to let the parents know that bullying behavior was going on without revealing that information.

Someone mentioned that maybe it's not a good idea since the child was fine with peers knowing but not his own parents. I agree. I also think, in this day and age, that there's more to be worried about than if they are going to throw him out on the street. Families keep a lot of secrets.

How would those who were so gung ho about outing him feel if they found out that he'd had his ass beat for it? That he was thrown out? That his parents were sending him to a church ordered facility to de-gay him?

Inappropriate.

The part about being gung ho on outing him is where I think we fail our children by not being invested in them like we should be. (I bet if this was a dog story more folks would put their noses in it) If the child starts showing signs of abuse, or if he suddenly *disappears* ANY sign that the news was received in a negative way, as counselors, teachers, school workers neighborswe should pay attention to what is happening to our children. CPS, the Police, any official that has knowledge of a child that could possibly help any child out especially our gay youth since they seem to end up on the streets so much.

I also think that *facilities* or any kind of religion mumbo jumbo that is used in an abusive way, manipulative way, hostage forming way should be SHUT DOWN and they should be charged with some form of crime against the children..

No amount of electro shock praying is gonna take the gay away, we are who we are, the devices, methods, lies that are used to try to do so should be against the law.....

There's my rant on that thank you for listening
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Old 12-15-2011, 06:01 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow View Post
The part about being gung ho on outing him is where I think we fail our children by not being invested in them like we should be. (I bet if this was a dog story more folks would put their noses in it) If the child starts showing signs of abuse, or if he suddenly *disappears* ANY sign that the news was received in a negative way, as counselors, teachers, school workers neighborswe should pay attention to what is happening to our children. CPS, the Police, any official that has knowledge of a child that could possibly help any child out especially our gay youth since they seem to end up on the streets so much.

I also think that *facilities* or any kind of religion mumbo jumbo that is used in an abusive way, manipulative way, hostage forming way should be SHUT DOWN and they should be charged with some form of crime against the children..

No amount of electro shock praying is gonna take the gay away, we are who we are, the devices, methods, lies that are used to try to do so should be against the law.....

There's my rant on that thank you for listening
You may be right about the dog part.

I pretty much agree with your whole post. I just think the school should have handled it a little differently. I AM glad, though, that they were intent on helping him and not ignoring the issue of bullying. Very glad. Sadly, they seem to be in the minority on this subject.
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Old 12-15-2011, 03:06 PM   #9
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i've read the responses and the articles and i agree that the school was in a difficult position and probably did their best in the situation. could they have done it differently/better? i think they could have. i believe that there is a good possibility that the child was coerced (whether that was intent or not) into allowing them to tell his parents.

it seems that people are saying that because he came out publicly in one are of his life, that gives the school (or anyone else for that matter) the right to out him somewhere else? i disagree wholeheartedly with that. i am out in all areas of my life, but I get to choose to whom, where and how i come out. i also allow my daughter to choose with whom, how and where she comes out. she has never been out at school and has selected a few friends to be out to, and i fully support her choice.

i believe it's the same in this situation, the child knows better than anyone else where he feels safe. i believe they could talk to the parents about the bullying and even the content of the bullying without confirming or denying the child's sexuality. they could approach it from the standpoint that the child is being bullied based on other children's perception of him (it doesn't matter whether the perception is accurate), and make a plan for safety based on that.

i think that what the school did was better than sticking their heads in the sand, and i think the outcome would've been greatly improved if they had contacted an lgbt group like glsen prior to taking action. hopefully they will take this as a learning/growth experience and see it as an opportunity to do better next time.
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Old 12-15-2011, 03:58 PM   #10
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Ms Tink, you ask very pertinent and difficult questions.

I didnt get the impression from the article that this child was being singled out in any way. He made the decision to out himself in various ways. The school discussed his decision with him which to me is the supportive thing to do.

The school then acted when he started running into negative reactions. To me, that is protecting a child. I suspect, being 14, he didnt have a clue as to the potential consequences of his decision. The school did. And the consequences affect a lot more people than just this one child.

There is a lot here we dont know. As is common with news reports, things are written in such a way as to evoke a reaction with a paucity of necessary information to fully understand what all was involved and to form a considered opinion based on fact rather than conjecture.

For example, we dont know what actions the school took against those exhibiting the negative behavior. The fact they moved to protect this child as best they could in a no win situation makes me believe they do take bullying and protecting children from bullies seriously. Yet we do not know what specific actions they may have taken. Nor do we know exactly what negative reactions were occuring.

We dont know what the school discussed with this child, what his reaction was to it or what was fueling his "reluctance". They do, we dont. And given that this child chose to make an advertisement about being gay that he wanted publicly displayed in the school, but was reluctant to tell his parents, makes me think there is more to this story than meets the eye.

In the same vein, we dont know why his parents decided to keep him out of school for a week. Did they drag him off to a debriefing center? Need more than a week for that. Did they decide they needed some family time to absorb this and reconnect with one another? Did the school suggest, for his protection, that he remain at home while they dealt with the perpetrators and the potential for backlash while they did so? Dont know.

As someone who has often had to make difficult decisions in situations where others where unable or unwilling to protect themselves, this isnt something anyone acting in a professional capacity should take lightly. The risks are too high. Thus, if one is going to make an error, even after careful consideration of all the options, one should err on the side of caution. Deciding what is caution versus what is risk is often a judgement call.

What is confusing me in this particular situation, and this may just be because of the way the article is written, is whether the school was acting based on what was actually occuring or based on what could potentially occur.




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Old 12-15-2011, 05:43 PM   #11
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What is confusing me in this particular situation, and this may just be because of the way the article is written, is whether the school was acting based on what was actually occuring or based on what could potentially occur.
I snipped a bit...

I also had a hard time with the wording of quite a bit of the story...from what I got from the story, PRIOR to his outing himself there had been some negative attention from his peer group in regards to his possible orientation. Was his outing of himself an attempt to call attention to the harrassment already occuring in a way that the School/School District would "have to do something", or a somewhat misguided attempt to give his peers a greater insight into the whole person he is, rather than the label they were attempting to give him?

I too wonder how the story will unfold, and if there will be anything further that is "newsworthy". I hope for his sake he has wonderful and loving parents, I did...but so many do not.
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