Much Maligned Christmas Accoutrements

[ButchEire]

I always begin with the appropriate tinseling intensions, placing one or two carefully chosen and gently pulled strands for each branch. After ten or fifteen of these however I want to cut out my eyeballs with an ornament hook. At that point, I become reckless and grab fistfuls of the no longer shiny, but agonizingly gleaming strands, casting them in the general direction of said tree. Many make it to the tree, in random clumps that I invite guests to identify as their favorite manger animal. The strands that don't make it to the tree are deemed not worthy of a holiday and are relegated to the vacuum bag in shame.

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

Tinsel is somewhat problematic. It’s not so much that I don’t like it. It’s more that not everyone can be trusted to use it properly. I think you need to be tad OCD in order to decorate a tree with tinsel. Often people just clump the shit on. That’s not acceptable. My mother always put the tinsel on one strand at a time. I don’t have the perseverance to do it exactly like that, at least not a whole package, but I do it as singularly as I can. To me that’s the only way it looks good. I’ve never been with anyone who had the patience to do this. People seem to think if you put a clump on the end of a branch it’s adequate. Clumping tinsel is an incompetent way to decorate a tree. It just doesn’t look good. No matter that it’s a pain in the ass you have to take it a couple of strands at a time. Either one should use tinsel correctly or one should just eliminate it from the repertoire.

And if you have pets you might want to just forget tinsel altogether. It’s bad enough that one ends up finding this stuff clinging to furniture and out of the way places way past July, but if your pet eats it you will pulling it out of their ass for months. Nothing more delightful than a strand of tinsel sticking out your Fluffy’s A-hole.