I don't think she's out there

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

Originally Posted by tapu

Well, you're right. Your perfect partner isn't out there. A "perfect partner" doesn't exist.

I've had a tendency to get together with a lover after having known her for a long time, even a couple of years. I never thought of these women as potential partners when I met them but as I got to know them, we negotiated love and friendship and passion and comfort together in our two selves.

Someone who would make a loving partner for you is probably floating around out there (more than one, by my beliefs). You might miss her if you're just looking for the "perfect" one.

I have to agree with tapu....perfection does not exist. When we get so focused on finding THE "one" with the exact characteristics that we seek, we lose sight of a lot of other folks who are wonderful, whether they wind up partners or not.

I do think you should keep some major things in mind....for example, for me those might be a Stone Butch or TG Daddy who likes X, Y and Z....and put it out into the Universe. Write it down and burn it if it helps. Let someone else take care of it, as this stuff tends to drive us to the brink of insanity.

In the meantime, you be the best you that you can be. Positivity brings positivity. Negativity brings trouble.