Lessons Learned: Would You or Would You Not.....

[Tawse]

Having been in both positions. (really is there a person who has NEVER asked another persons opinion about someone??? really????)


I like Gemma's approach - both in giving and receiving.

I've had my best friend have an all out feud with someone and yet I befriended that person despite that.

I'll listen to what you have to say - and then I'll use MY brain to see what I think. But I do appreciate being warned that XYZ enjoys smoking pot... because I have issues with that and would probably wonder why a friend failed to mention that fact to me if they knew my issues with the subject matter.

[*Anya*]

This situation always feels set up for failure to me.

Do they really want the truth as you personally see it and have personally experienced it?

They may not really be asking for truth, just validation of what they have already decided to do or what they want to keep on doing.

I would only share what my personal experience was- not gossip.

I remember playing the "telephone game" as a kid and what the last person heard was never what the first person said.

[Chancie]

I wouldn't be having this conversation at all with someone I did not know very well, and who did not know me very well.

I would share information about someone I knew well, but not someone with whom I had merely interacted a few times online.

I would share my impressions of someone I interacted with online, but I would be clear that I had never met the person and that I was just relating what I knew of them superficially.

I would not filter what I shared based on my personal interpretation of what I thought that person needed to hear. That's none of my business.

In most cases, if someone wants to know something specific, I usually encourage them to ask the other person directly.

But, if I have concrete first hand knowledge of behavior which I believe to be dangerous to others, I would certainly take the risk of sharing that information, regardless of whether I had been asked, and regardless of the potential fall out.

[Shadownthemind]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

This situation always feels set up for failure to me.

Do they really want the truth as you personally see it and have personally experienced it?

They may not really be asking for truth, just validation of what they have already decided to do or what they want to keep on doing.

I would only share what my personal experience was- not gossip.

I remember playing the "telephone game" as a kid and what the last person heard was never what the first person said.

I agree with you. When asked what I think of someone I only speak what I know from first hand experiance not from what others have told me

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

This situation always feels set up for failure to me.

Do they really want the truth as you personally see it and have personally experienced it?

They may not really be asking for truth, just validation of what they have already decided to do or what they want to keep on doing.

I would only share what my personal experience was- not gossip.

I remember playing the "telephone game" as a kid and what the last person heard was never what the first person said.

Most of the time, I think it is a set-up, too. Yes, the "telephone game" remains!

If I have actual, personal information about something like a person being dangerous (physically or emotionally), I would disclose it. But, the thing that I am more interested in with this whole matter is the "motovation" behind the question(s).

Even when I have had a falling-out with someone, I still keep whatever we may have shared confidential. It's called having honor and integrity.