Original Bad Prose or Stories!

Hollylane · 01-22-2012, 02:29 AM

I drank the Patron
I licked the lime and the salt
But still got shivers

WomenMoveMe · 01-22-2012, 08:30 PM

Never tried Haiku...therefore...writing bad Haiku should be a snap!

She sits idly by
never to let herself live
what's a girl to do

SoNotHer · 01-23-2012, 09:10 PM

From -

http://theverybadpoet.blogspot.com/2...n-19-easy.html

1. Iambic Pentameter can go f%#@ itself

2. Always use clunky words you don’t really know (e.g. incorrigible & verisimilitude)

3. Try to fit a knock-knock joke in whenever possible

4. If you must Haiku, please clean up after yourself

5. Irony isn’t dead but it has been hit on the head with a frying pan

6. Inappropriate rhyming will always save you (e.g. moose and Jews)

7. The good news is no one else knows what e.g. stands for either

8. If you run into writer's block, try writing in a foreign language you don’t speak. It's de rigueur

9. If you write a ‘concrete’ poem, try to use actual concrete or cement

10. If you accidentally use ‘alliteration’ simply type the letter A for the
duration of the poem. This gives it much more meaning.

SoNotHer · 01-23-2012, 09:13 PM

11. Contrary to popular belief, people really do want to know what you had for breakfast as long as it’s in verse form

12. If you’re worried about meaning in your poem, don’t. We’ll all be dead soon enough

13. When making a ‘list’ poem, be sure add toilet paper to it. No one likes to drip dry or use your clean hand towels next to the sink

14. Poems to imaginary childhood friends will most likely win you a Pulitzer

15. Don’t worry about your ‘audience.' They don’t give a crap about you either

16. The best poems are the ones you plagiarize (see previous blog entry)

17. It helps if you were dropped on your head as a child

18. Things you should know as a poet: Along with Leaves Of Grass, Walt Whitman also wrote several Motown hits for Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

19. If you've been looking for your ‘voice’ as a poet and can't find it, there’s a good chance someone stole it on purpose

Hollylane · 01-25-2012, 03:57 PM

Two words, three words, tops
Really full conversation?
Should we grunt instead?

Truly Scrumptious · 01-25-2012, 04:11 PM

Oh yes, grunt away
Conversation hurts my brain
Please skim the surface

Hollylane · 01-25-2012, 04:15 PM

So there I was. My tongue touching the bottom of my glass, and using it to stir the cherry around the bottom and looking seductive as all hell at the object of my desire. She was leaning up against the juke box, one hand on her crotch the other tipping her cowboy hat at me. Swoon. Her bulging biceps were hanging down over her elbows, and I just wanted to swing on her arm like Jane confusing Tarzan for a swinging vine. But I played it cool with my tongue still teasing that cherry at the bottom of that glass. Who could resist this tongue flirtation? I was hot that night, and I did end up leaving with her. It only excited me all the more when I woke up the next morning hog tied in the garage with the door up, with the neighbor’s boy staring at me in admiration, and her phone number written in lipstick on my naked ass cheek. Thank god for the full length mirror I had marked for the garage sale, ‘cause anyone who respects a gal like that, I’m gonna ask out to bingo right away.

01-23-2012, 09:10 PM	#3
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,735 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	How to write bad poetry in 2 parts, 19 steps and one sigh: From - http://theverybadpoet.blogspot.com/2...n-19-easy.html 1. Iambic Pentameter can go f%#@ itself 2. Always use clunky words you don’t really know (e.g. incorrigible & verisimilitude) 3. Try to fit a knock-knock joke in whenever possible 4. If you must Haiku, please clean up after yourself 5. Irony isn’t dead but it has been hit on the head with a frying pan 6. Inappropriate rhyming will always save you (e.g. moose and Jews) 7. The good news is no one else knows what e.g. stands for either 8. If you run into writer's block, try writing in a foreign language you don’t speak. It's de rigueur 9. If you write a ‘concrete’ poem, try to use actual concrete or cement 10. If you accidentally use ‘alliteration’ simply type the letter A for the duration of the poem. This gives it much more meaning.

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01-22-2012, 02:29 AM	#1
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	I drank the Patron I licked the lime and the salt But still got shivers

01-22-2012, 08:30 PM	#2
WomenMoveMe Member How Do You Identify?: I just wander about and be! Relationship Status: Caution: Dead End Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Kentucky Posts: 561 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,473 Thanked 2,099 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Never tried Haiku...therefore...writing bad Haiku should be a snap! She sits idly by never to let herself live what's a girl to do

01-23-2012, 09:13 PM	#4
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,735 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	11. Contrary to popular belief, people really do want to know what you had for breakfast as long as it’s in verse form 12. If you’re worried about meaning in your poem, don’t. We’ll all be dead soon enough 13. When making a ‘list’ poem, be sure add toilet paper to it. No one likes to drip dry or use your clean hand towels next to the sink 14. Poems to imaginary childhood friends will most likely win you a Pulitzer 15. Don’t worry about your ‘audience.' They don’t give a crap about you either 16. The best poems are the ones you plagiarize (see previous blog entry) 17. It helps if you were dropped on your head as a child 18. Things you should know as a poet: Along with Leaves Of Grass, Walt Whitman also wrote several Motown hits for Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell 19. If you've been looking for your ‘voice’ as a poet and can't find it, there’s a good chance someone stole it on purpose

01-25-2012, 03:57 PM	#5
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	Two words, three words, tops Really full conversation? Should we grunt instead?

01-25-2012, 04:11 PM	#6
Truly Scrumptious Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: She's my mirror twin, my next of kin Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Entre Lajeunesse et la sagesse Posts: 667 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,047 Thanked 1,780 Times in 557 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Oh yes, grunt away Conversation hurts my brain Please skim the surface

01-25-2012, 04:15 PM	#7
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	So there I was. My tongue touching the bottom of my glass, and using it to stir the cherry around the bottom and looking seductive as all hell at the object of my desire. She was leaning up against the juke box, one hand on her crotch the other tipping her cowboy hat at me. Swoon. Her bulging biceps were hanging down over her elbows, and I just wanted to swing on her arm like Jane confusing Tarzan for a swinging vine. But I played it cool with my tongue still teasing that cherry at the bottom of that glass. Who could resist this tongue flirtation? I was hot that night, and I did end up leaving with her. It only excited me all the more when I woke up the next morning hog tied in the garage with the door up, with the neighbor’s boy staring at me in admiration, and her phone number written in lipstick on my naked ass cheek. Thank god for the full length mirror I had marked for the garage sale, ‘cause anyone who respects a gal like that, I’m gonna ask out to bingo right away.