Coming out as trans

[Linus]

Hey Braedon,

I came out to my family in a mass email. It was the best way to hit so many family members (we're kinda spread out between the US and Canada). The closest family members (my mom's relatives) were, for the most part, open and supportive even if they didn't understand it all. My grandmother was dead set against it and swore she'd never refer to me other than my birth name but still loved me.

A cousin of mine (were the same age) was very supportive. We have similar queer backgrounds and she said it made sense. An aunt of mine who is only a few years older than me was supportive enough to go to a support group to understand. She and my other aunt both said it would take some time to get used to (which I agree with since they've been used to calling me something one way for nearly 37 years -- at the time I came out).

My father and his wife never responded and seemed to have started to ignore me. This is kinda fine since we never were close and didn't meet until I was in my late teens. They are both lower case "c" conservative Christian types (he **LOVES** Harper and thinks he and Bush are awesome! --- that should tell you lots about him). It's kinda sad as I miss out on half of my family but..

As time has passed, things have changed. My aunt and her now-husband got married last summer and wanted to ask me to be their best man at their wedding. At this same wedding my grandmother called me by my chosen name. She looked at me and said, "you're happy.. that's all I ever need to know.".

Now, it hasn't been without other challenges. My half sister (my mom's second daughter) was born with a variety of aliments and mental challenges. As a result, my aunt (the oldest of my mom's siblings) asked that I not use my chosen name with my sister as she likely won't comprehend all this (she was born with schizophrenia and slight mental disability -- not quite Down's but close). This is something I respect and when I send gifts, I use my birth name. There are some battles that are ok to give up on because it doesn't affect me in the long run. I do know that I will never see her again in person because of the physical changes but I know that she is happy in her world and if she remembers me the way I was and is ok with that, then that's a good thing.

[alex k]

I waited til I was thirty seven before coming out to my family as trans tho most of my partners have known since i was seventeen. Only told mum and my brothers so far and they've all been great. One of my brothers said the only time he would have an issue is if i get hairier than he is

[Allison W]

I got lucky. When I came out, my family didn't approve at all, but they didn't outright reject me or throw me out or anything of the sort, and that I appreciate.

Though there was initial resistance--misunderstanding, anger, lack of concern, attempts to keep me from going through with it, etc.--when I actually did it, and my family was able to see that it really was for the better, they came around.

I can't say how your sister will take it (especially given her stated disability and difficulty with change), but I rather feared the reactions of my own younger brothers, whom I didn't get along with the best at the time. Strangely, they seemed to have the least trouble of anyone with it. Or, if they did, they didn't express it.

Good luck, Braedon. I hope your family is open-minded, and that any initial difficulty they have will be resolved once they see you come out the other side, new and improved.

[Jet]

Good luck Braedon. I know it's hard. I've already been in a fist fight with a bio male family member and disinherited just for my sexuality—let alone transition. I'll be glad to hear that your family receives this well—if not now—later. Keep us posted.

[Allison W]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

I've already been in a fist fight with a bio male family member

I hope you kicked his ass.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Allison W

I hope you kicked his ass.

I started it because I punched him in the stomach for a remark he made. Then we ended up on the floor kicking and punching each other. This lasted for about 10 minutes until my aunt came home and broke it up. I have a terrible temper when it comes to these matters, and I will never go back home because of being TG. A couple of months ago, I came out to another aunt about being male. She was amazingly supportive and didn't bat an eye. I haven't decided how I will break things to the rest of my family.

[Allison W]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

I started it because I punched him in the stomach for a remark he made. Then we ended up on the floor kicking and punching each other. This lasted for about 10 minutes until my aunt came home and broke it up. I have a terrible temper when it comes to these matters, I will never go back home because of being TG.

I don't blame you. I can be rather temperamental about these matters, too--which is problematic, because some people think it's fair game for "friendly ribbing" when they really need to not go there.