What every Femme should know...

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by JAGG

What every femme should know- truck drivers in semi's can see everything you are doing in your car, we can read the gum wrapper on the floorboard behind your seat. We can see everything. Everything! And yes when you pass by they ARE looking and you can bet you're being talked about on the CB. Thought you should know that.

Sometimes, that's the whole point.

This coming from someone who's been in the car as well as the cab.

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

Now that's creepy!

Crap.

You all fussed so long and so much that the page that this was referencing is too far back for me to figure out what in the Hell I was addressing for Quirky.

I'll have to check it again and come back to finish my thought.

Originally Posted by Vonni

As one who is also new to this site, I can easily understand why JistMe felt somewhat attacked. I think that I would have felt that way too. This thread should have been a safe place to share well intended, simple and sweet words.

I do think however that this created a very valuable and worthy discussion (thank you JistME) that should continue elsewhere without the OP's intentions being the center of the discussion. I truly feel as if I have gotten quite a bit out of it and I would like to see it continue.

As someone who is finding her voice and her place on this site, I do have to say that I am a bit disappointed and somewhat intimidated by the very occasional rude comment I see made, not against JistMe, but towards others that are simply sharing their point of view or even just asking for clarification. I'm not talking about the humor, such as JAGG's lovely list of "DO NOT DO'S". I think that throwing in that bit of humor is awesome, appreciated and a necessary means to keep any conversation or debate lively. I'm talking about the personal attacks. Respect and honor each person's opinions and if you so vehemently disagree that you can't be at least kind, step away and go find something else to do. It's those kinds of attitudes that cause drama and dissuade others from wanting to get involved in these discussions and oftentimes cause them to miss out on the value of being a part of such a wonderful and diverse community.

Hi, Vonni!

Posting in emotionally charged threads CAN be daunting for those who are new to this particular group of people. It would be so easy if everyone who ever got upset would put their big boy/girl shorts/panties/etc on and either walked away or dealt with things in an 'adult' manner. Some of the time, we do. Sometimes, we don't. We're all human and all of us have different spheres of reference from which to draw.

So, don't lose faith or think poorly of us. We get it right more days than we get it wrong.

Originally Posted by Tawse

I think we should be careful about the your filters versus my filters and who has responsibility issue.

And I say that for one reason.


All the sexual harassment classes I've ever gone to.


The guy says sweetheart. He means nothing by it. But if the woman interprets it as harassment - then it is. If she's ok with it - then it's not.

It has nothing to do with his intention, and 100% with the way it is received.

And that is a very polarized example - and yes it could be argued rather easily that it's wrong and completely different.

So I'll pull up another point - dealing with difficult people in the work place. If someone has a problem with you and you're pulled to DEO - you better not say "it's his/her fault because of their filters, I didn't intend..." or "this is just the way I am, if he/she doesn't like it they are the problem..." It won't get you anywhere and may even see you lose your job.

Now we're in a casual laid back atmosphere here - but I have to say, maybe due to corporate / legal brainwashing, that anytime someone says 'it's your fault if you hear me wrong' - it makes me want to grab my documentation and get ready to head to a mediator.

Just a thought...


edited to add: oh shit I just realized this long thread is because of the way something was received instead of intended.

kinda makes you go hmmmm

Exactly. Perception is key.

Ebon and I can be the biggest, most hateful, sexist asses to one another but it's okay. Because it's coming from us and we know us. Many a time, we've made our friends cringe from the things we say to one another.

Originally Posted by starryeyes

I was following the title of the thread.... sorry for the confusion.

I'm going to let you in a secret that I've learned a few years ago. Never do I post without reading not only the first couple of posts, to see what the intention of the thread is, but I then jump to the last page and read the last few posts to see what the thread has actually turned into.

It just seems to me that you saw the heading and posted. It's not the end of the world!

For the record, I used to love gels and like the handpainting of the gel coating. I like manicures. I love having my toes done too and they are almost NEVER the same color as my fingers. Because I can.

Also for the record, I do maintenance on my golf carts at work as well as climbing ladders and taking down and installing 8-9 foot lighting bulbs. I don't do it because it's fun and I am quite afraid of, not so much the height, but the hard landing should I fall. But I do it. Because I can.

Also also for the record, I feel most comfy in jeans and a shirt that makes my breasts look bigger. I wasn't blessed with an ample bosom, so I'm making lemonade out of this batch of lemons I have (extra weight). It just so happens that the best clothing for this is maternity clothing. My current favorite pair of jeans are maternity and they hug my hips in a delicous manner. Because I can.

Also also also for the record, I am the epitome of Gemini, but I am often clumsy and/or careless with my words. But I think that everyone can understand when I say that I am femme. Not the 'every' kind of femme, but the 'only' kind of femme I can be. I like and do the things that I do, sometimes because I am femme and sometimes because I am me. I can do things that aren't 'femme' and I'm still 'me' while doing them but find no joy in doing things just to 'be' femme if it's not 'me'. I enjoy things that 'some' femmes enjoy but not 'all' femmes. Not 'all' femmes enjoy the things that 'I' enjoy.

Quantified expressions are hard to handle sometimes. It's good for us all to have a reminder that we ALL speak from our 'me, myself, I' place. Things get hinky when folks start talking from the viewpoint of others. That's not good.

I love that we can have multiple discussions and multiple viewpoints going on within the same thread at the same time. It's makes my Gemini multi-tasking heart beat a little faster.

However, I thought that the dialogue between Kobi and Julie went really well. It felt like a real time discussion in which they hashed things out and really LISTENED to one another. Is it really so bad to wish that that happened more often?