Bringing It Up: Describe The Butch You Are

[StoneOne]

I see that the person I have become is the person I have always been. Thanks again for this thread..........

[rande]

For years I knew no name for my personal gender identity, and actually swung back and forth between stone butch and hetero-femme during a personality crisis....but when it all settled down and sorted out the message was pretty clear. I am a stone butch.

I believe in chivalry, in listening, in loving honestly and completely.

Presently I have no partner, but a few years back I had a 12 year relationship with a woman. I called her my wife.
...sexually I was the giver and liked it that way, she never wanted to touch me beyond kissing and holding. We had some great kissing/hugging marathons.

At first things were great. Fantastic. Or so I thought.

After 12 years she left me to find a "real man," sending me through the fires of emotional hell. We managed to remain friends somehow.
For years I couldn't bring myself to function as a lesbian at all, let alone as a butch or stone butch....I felt neutered. Devoid of self determination. I phased into another persona, a heterosexual girl. I'd done it once before and got pregnant. Sheesh.

So eventually I met a man and formed an interesting bond....and stayed in touch with my former wife.
I watched her go through one crappy relationship after another...abusive men.
I always tried to make sure there was space to take her in should it be needed but she refused.
She died of ovarian cancer three years ago....I saw her the day before she died and whispered "I love you." to her. She was too weak to speak, but her eyes told me she loved me too.

My 20 year relationship with the man is more like two brothers living together than a couple - no sex between us, separate rooms etc.
He is disabled and I am his home health care person. I live my own life, have my own friends and am living as butch full time once more.

I never felt comfortable trying to be a man's wife, or feminine at all for that matter. If it was available to me and if the science was perfected I'd go for the full sexual reassignment surgery including removal of ovaries and all.
If wishes were horses we'd all have a ride.

If it ever gets possible I'd like to have top surgery. Then I'd feel a little more comfortable.

I don't like being touched in/on my genitals....for some it's okay. For me it's just too much. I have yet to find a woman who can melt my stone to that capacity....I'll keep looking.

Sometimes it feels like my stone was hammered and fired repeatedly, tempered 'til it turned to steel.

I stand proud of our herstory/history/hystori....and am always mindful of the personal sacrifices made by those who've gone before us...courageous, beautiful souls all who gave their lives so we could be free.

I am a "long haired" stone butch, preferring to keep my locks long - although usually pulled back in a "biker's tail" or "freak flag." I usually wear blue jeans and t-shirts, clean but not formal... but I do clean up well and like a good three pieced suit with a hat and shiny shoes for steppin' out fancy.

I lead when dancing.

Believe it or not, I go to a "straight" bar in my neighborhood and for the most part am loved and accepted...many even defer to the proper pronouns....him/ze that sort of thing.

What kind of Butch am I?
A work in progress as are we all...defined as stone/sometimes steel, but with a great big heart bursting with love for the right femme.

[rockstar lover]

I put the soft in soft-butch (kind/gentle hearted).
I am a jeans & t-shirt kind of butch (big surprise!).
I can be shy & socially awkward at times. But after about 3 drinks...watch out!
I am an old fashioned kind of butch...opening doors & bringing flowers
I am a minimalist...I don't like to clutter my life with expensive possessions that don't mean anything.
I have no sense of style! I'll wear what's comfortable and the decor..(what's that?!). I need a femme's touch to decorate lol.
I've worked hard all my life and I always have stable employment.
Friends and family are very important to me.
I am passionate & compassionate to others, kind, sweet, and romantic. But if you dare hurt someone I care about....watch out! This kitten can turn into a tiger!
I am organized, methodical, and a planner (typical capricorn).
I am working on being more spontaneous & learning that I can't always know what's going to happen.
I love music and am a singer (in a choir). I don't do the solos or karaoke!
I am affectionate & loving. I want the woman I'm with to feel like she's the most important person in the world.
I love kisses, snuggles, cuddles, backrubs, etc. Touch is very important to me. It expresses how we feel without any words.
Only in the last year I've been able to express & explore different aspects of my sexuality. It's an exciting journey & I've got lots of time to make up for!!
Oh, and I'm a quick learner!
Don't be afraid to ask for something. You'll more than likely get it.
I am open minded and always willing to try something new.
There's not much I wouldn't do for someone I care about. I'd give you the shirt off my back...then promptly cover up lol.
I have a weird sense of humor. Things seem to be more funny in my head lol.
I have a big heart with a lot to give. I hurt big...but I love big too.
Should anyone decide to trust me with their heart...it will be safe with me...

[rustedrims]

Had a flash mob of hungry catz at the sliding door.They were hungry..Hummm i dont understand the urgency..I fed them yesterday..

Anyway..
My dad passed away in feburary so i have been spending alot if time helping mom at her house and my stuff is not getting done.We were not allowed to clean,pick things up,throw things away and dont pull weeds..Now we are..My sister,brother and i are getting things done at the house..We are on 3 different times so we go over when we can..Kinda funny how that works out cause we are never there at the same time but we are getting things done for mom..We are now allowed to clean,pick things up,throw things away and i am pulling weeds and getting poison ivy..It is looking good around there..Mom is happy when we come and happy when we leave and espically me..I wear on her nerves..I approach "projects" like a bulldozer..I am aware that i do that and i have reduced my bulldozer energy to Tonka Truck size..Mom is happy about that..The thing is i do things when she is sleeping and when she isnt there..She says "Yeah when i got home i saw the burn barrel smoking"...I say "Yeah i found some junk/trash i wanted to get out of the way BUT.!! None of it was GOOD.!!!.Then she glares at me and i smile back..I told her friday that i wasnt going to do any more than mow the yard cause i want to get back to digging up my back yard for my patio..That is what i wanted to do this weekend..She said ok..
Sooooo The phone rings 9:30am saturday..Its mom.."Lowes just called Hey my bathroom is in.!!."ok give me an hour i'll come and get the reciet..Left my house at 10:30am and got all her stuff and stacked it neatly in the garage..Ok what about the shelf thing..??.{she ordered that from another store}..Ohh that is in to..Ok i will go get it..Could you drop off my perscription while you are in town to yeahhh..Did all that and walking to the truck to leave..Mom says when you come back i have another project for you..I stopped walking..Tell me what it is..The day was already shot..Change a lightbulb in the hall..My sister made an attempt and couldnt figure out how to get the globe off..Turn that little screw the whole things comes apart..I told mom to tell my sister having all that college education didnt help her change a light bulb..shaking my head..Ended up changing the other one also and whiping it off..Finally got home at 5:00pm..Well not digging in the dirt today..The day is gone..

Looking in the garage..Bought 2 sparkplugs oil and filter for the bike on friday..{almost walked out of that store with another bike}..Ok i will do the bike stuff before dark..Cant be that hard..Take out and replace..Ummm no..Gotta take the seat off and gas tank..Pull all the hoses..That tank was giving me a real hard time..Spent a while trying to get that thing off..Made 1 phone call to my brother and told him what i was doing and he said i was right to keep doing what i was doing..Still couldnt get that thing off..I kept stepping back and thinking i need help cause i dont know what i am doing..I messed around with my other bikes but not this one..How hard could it be..??..The stubborness over rode my need for help..This thing was not going to beat me..Took a few more things off and there was a bolt i missed..Took that off and the tank was in my hands..Made me smile i got it..Started to change the plugs and that socket was a little tricky to use also..Figured that out to and i had those bad plugs out and new ones in in seconds..Put everything back on with the help of my flood light cause it is now dark..Putting that seat back on would make Jesus Christ cuss..That was tough but i got it..Hit the starter and the bike took right off..I smiled hit the throtle a few times zoom zoom on the road again..Thinking i would ride it tomorrow..Then the thing slowly quit running..Great i was thinking..What did i do wrong.??.Hummm..Stepped back looked at the bike and saw my "clippie-close-pin" still on the fule line..Great i can fix that..Hooked that up and it started back up..I got this..My brother never called me back cause he knew i would get it and i did..

That was kinda lenghty but i think that describes what kind of Butch i am..I am always there for my Mom what ever she wants i will set my stuff aside to help her and always did over the years and espically now..
Put anything in front of me and i can figure it out..I like fixing stuff and seeing it work when i had no idea how to tackle the task at hand..Makes me feel kinda smart and also an ego booster..I love the challenge..

Thanks for reading..
s..

[stonewalldog]

Rustedrims-

I am sorry about your dad. I lost mine awhile back. Good for you for being there for your mom!

[rustedrims]

Originally Posted by stonewalldog

Rustedrims-

I am sorry about your dad. I lost mine awhile back. Good for you for being there for your mom!

Thanks for the kind words..I appreciate it..
My relationship with my dad was not good at all..My last conversation with him was loud and angry..My mind is busy trying to get past that day and it is tough..Thanks again..

s..

[~ocean]

(((( rusted )))) its a tough part of life .. I hope this is comforting to u , we never know when our demise is going to be .. everyday life ppl cry together , laugh, argue, we share so many emotions daily , esp w. ppl that r close to u . i'm positive the words that u 2 had were forgiven , now forgive urself. you didnt do anything wrong, no sense in feeling guilty for a common emotion esp . shared btwn parent and child. guilt can own u . u dont have to own the guilt ..

[rustedrims]

Thank you very much for showing your concern..I appreciate it so much..I lost 3 people that day and it is real hard to get past.Crazy story.
I like comming here and reading..Gets my mind off things for a while..
Thank-you again..


s..

[clay]

the Butch I am

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Those 5 letters are just a "description of me...and in NO WAY makes who I am inside or in my heart!
I am a true southern gentlewomyn...with manners, courtesy, respect, and gentleness abounding.
I am of the old fashioned, old school breed...one who will open doors, pull out chairs, walk on outside of and offer arm to a lady, help her with her coat, even helping to get her hair out from under the collar and prettily displayed against her soft shoulders.
I will wait for her....patiently..never rushing her., as she gets dressed for our date. I will look at her with tears in my eyes when she emerges from her room...seeing how stunningly beautiful she looks!!!
I will shop with her for hours, carrying her parcels. I will rub her feet as we sit in the food court sipping an ice cold beverage while she regains her momentum to "shop til she drops" again!
I will order for her if I am acquainted with her likes and dislikes, OR if she tells me what she would want, and I will give the whole order.
I am attuned to her at all times.
I will always appreciate her...as she is an incredible gift...she has given of herself to me..and I can be entrusted with that awesome gift!
I "get", comprehend, and validate Her feminine mystique!
I wil always acknowledge her, validate her existence, and put her above all else.
I will watch chick flicks with her, wiping away tears at the sappy parts, and handing those same tears back to her as diamonds. I will be teary eyed and sensitive along with her.
I will cherish her like a true and priceless trasure she is.
I will never take her for granted!
I am a best friend...to many
I am a confidant, one that keeps those things sacred!
I will hold her sacred in all ways..sharing intimacy only between ourselves!
I will lay down my life for the woman I love and who owns my heart!
She will have my undying loyalty and committment should our hearts beat as one.
I will treat her like an equal, always..and we will walk side by side...never "owning" one another....yet connected by our hearts!
I can cook, clean, mow a lawn, fix a flat, iron a silk piece (steam it rather) mend a boo boo with a kiss and a bandaid, and I can fight fiercely for our lives. I have won many battles on the battlefield of life..and that is who I am today..a culmination of love past..love lost..and love remains a constant in my heart..never making me jaded, cynical, or bitter. I chose those pathways, and I walked them...I took lessons from them, and made changes from them..positive changes....
So I am many things....an incredibly devoted friend, a loyal companion, a soft hearted, sensitive, compassionate gentle womyn...and it is nye impossible to "describe" one's self..for in the end..what really matters is who you are when with another person...words are just descriptions..so I am a human being with an amazing heart and I have moral compass, and turpitude. I am old fashioned, and old schooled...as I will always, always put the ladies first..and when I meet HER..she will decide for herself what kind of a BUTCH I am..as she will see deeply inside and know my heart..that is where my "butch" lives.

[clay]

I am that butch who will wrap you inside my presence, affording you that warmth, security, sense of protection that you desire.
I am that butch who will leave you a single rose on your windshield just because...I wanted you to know I was thinking of you...
I am that butch who will get out of bed at 300am, drive to the store to get you that chocolate covered, creme filled doughnut and coffee...just because you wanted it..and come back and feed it to you...
I am that butch who will hold you when you are frightened, scare away monsters, and cover you, whispering to you til you fall asleep again...and watch over you while you sleep
I am that butch who will admire your fierceness and independence yet respect the babygrrl in you and your need for me....
I am that butch who will slay a thousand dragons, make you a s'mores by a campfire, who will run you a hot bath with candles and soft music, bathe you, pamper you, and kiss you all over...
I am that butch who will provide a shelter for you when you need it...with my big butchness...
I am that butch who will write you silly love letters in the sand...on the mirror with your lipstick, make you a peanut butter & jelly sandwich...to comfort you if need be...
I am that butch who will walk by your side..for life...when we are One Heart, One Love joined...
I am that butch who will seek comfort in your arms when my world is all jumbled and I am having a bad day
I am that butch who will seek your arms to hold me when I cry (Yes, butches do cry, too)
I am that butch who will hold you when you cry, grabbing your tears in my hands and handing them back to you as diamonds...
I am that butch who is mesmerized by you..each and every time..who will acknowledge, validate, and resonate within you....
I am that butch who knows and respects that a femme can bring me to my knees...with her feminine mystique, sensuality, and her mysteriousness
I am that butch who will never profess to knowing what makes my femme tick BUT I will damned respect that and be her all..in every way..
I am that butch....a hopeless romantic, passionate lover, devoted companion, and wait for you...here and now....

[SoSousMe]

I am a Texan Butch... Country through and through... but can hang with the best of the city Boys.
I hold doors open for the elderly, the disabled, the old, the young, men and women, whoever happens to be behind Me, or whoever just seems to need it.
My mother is My hero.
My son is My world.
My lady is My life.
I don't like being called Miss, or Ma'am... I am Sir, He, or Him, boy, not girl.
I was born in the wrong body.
I can shoot like nobody's business, or write poetry on a whim.
But, I treat a woman like a lady, and know when to hold My tongue.
I love to dance... country, hip hop, tejano, or waltz. And lead My lady around till she's dizzy and sweaty.
I can hang with My high school buds, head bangin' and BBQ'g on July 4th.
I can hang with the 20 somethings, and teach them a thing or two about respect, but show them this Old Dawg has some new tricks for them to learn.
I help My customers daily, and show them respect and offer them solutions.
I tell My momma I love her.
I say please, thank you, may I, and yes Sir and yes Ma'am.
I offer My seat to women and men.
I play with babies, and speak their language.
I take My hat off when I meet someone new, when I'm in church, when I pray, and when I eat.
I change My own oil, tires, and do My own laundry.
I cook My ass off, and love to see My family's faces when I've created a masterpiece.
My downfall is chocolate..... and... her eyes.
I don't tolerate discrimination in any form.
I don't do windows.
I do dishes though
I drive an old truck, and wait for the day that I can afford a new one, just to hear the engine roar.
I love her touch, her hands on My skin, the way she looks at Me, and when she says Amorcito to Me.
I can walk for miles, and not be tired.
I have remorse for every bad thing I have done.
I have hope that I will be forgiven.
I have little time on My hands.
I have a lifetime of love left in Me.

[Jean_TX]

This is an interesting thread. Rather than describe who I am and listing my strengths (I do have some!) and my foibles (I have lots of them!), I want to respond by describing the role that I attempt to fulfill in a relationship. I may not always succeed, but I do give it my most sincere and best effort.

I aspire to be the Butch...

…Who will sometimes walk behind you,
To allow you to pursue your own dreams, to give you space,
To let your light shine brightly without being blocked by my shadow,
To provide you with a safe retreat if needed.

...Who will sometimes walk ahead of you,
To protect you, to guide you when needed,
At other times, to follow my own dreams, find my own space.

…Who will mostly walk along side you,
To be your friend, lover, and partner,
To be connected, yet each of us retaining our individualities,
To help you, me, and “us” make it through the hard times,
To revel with you during the special times, to contentedly share all the ordinary moments,
To support you, honor you, and cherish you.

[chris1life]

Bumping this

I'm the kind of butch That confuse a lot of people. I'm strong physically and mentally yet I can be soft and vulnerable. I wear men's clothes but love a good sexy bra. I bind sometimes and sometimes I love the way my breast look in some shirts. I walk hard and have my own swagger and sometimes I shake my ass Because I know she is watching. I love short masculine hair but love mine shoulder length. Some times I pack and sometimes I don't. I love to be the top but have no problem being the bottom. I'm the bug killer but am terrified of mice. I'm sometimes hard and kick ass Then sometimes I'm soft. I know who I am and some times I confuse myself. I am a confident, strong, hard working, sometimes insecure beautiful/handsome butch woman. Ill take shit from people but not allow someone to disrespect the woman in my life. I don't fit in any box Because I've worked most of my life to get out of one. I'm just me

[Rockinonahigh]

I am called a stone butch,not a tag I put on myself but from others who say it's the one that fits.Sometimes it dose but most times not a chanch,I don't like labels cause they are very restricting.I'm a mother,daughter,grand daughter with a strong female line in my family.I'm a lover not a fighter unless it's nessary to bring out the sword and sheild...then whoever started this had best watch out.Most of the time I can just get along in this old world just fine
I wear mens clothes and have for years,I use to have some ladies things but over the years they never got worn cause I never needed to use them so I donated them to good will.I can be very out spoken or I can just sit and listen,I love to cook but also dont mind anyone else in my kitchen helpeing me whip up a meal.I collect lots if things and go to estste sales,garage sales and what have you,I love western art or mostanything horse related but also will pick up something else if it calls to me,I play a violin,electric guitar,a zyloharp aswell.Yep I do all sorts of stuff that I havent even posted hear.It keeps life intresting because witout something intresting to keep me chalenged I would be watching syfy more than I do.

[Loren_Q]

Hm, describe the butch I am...

I'm the kind where butch is an adjective, and loves the cis-female body I was born in.

Where I have my hairdresser use a number 4 clipper and wear knit boxer briefs. I'm the type that wears either Hawaiian or button down shirts at work.

That shaves her legs and armpits and sings show tunes while cooking dinner.

I pack when I'm in the mood and like eyeliner.

The kind that shouts "That's MR. Dyke to you" when asshats yell things from their car.


I'm the one who's been told "you're not that butch" and respond with a snort and raised eyebrow.

Where it's attitude, not size or profession or wardrobe. Where my butch energy makes me taller than the 5'2" I am.

The kind of person I am is the kind of butch I am.

Loren

[puddin']

i'm a queer boi muse...

and may i borrow: "i'm the kind where butch is an adjective, and loves the cis-female body i was born in."

[Loren_Q]

Originally Posted by puddin'

i'm a queer boi muse...

and may i borrow: "i'm the kind where butch is an adjective, and loves the cis-female body i was born in."

By all means.