Femme Invisibility?

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Not bad but i have bangs.

ohhhh we can fix that!

[girl_dee]

"FEMME" would fit very nicely there!

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Replace "DUDE" with "FEMME"

Is the Shredded Wheat-Comb over Hair style that goes with compulsory?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

"FEMME" would fit very nicely there!

In the grill or on the chin???

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Gemme

In the grill or on the chin???

OK.......

[Christy51274]

Princessbelle: I soooo agree with you. Thanks for posting!

[Christy51274]

Cajun_Dee, you're a riot! LOLLL

[CherylNYC]

I'm very much a tomboy, and not a high femme at all, except when I dress up for dates and events. I was at a leather event sharing a hotel room with a butch couple who know me as a femme lesbian, and their friend needed a place to stay for the last day of the event. She was a nice butch with some serious health issues, who was living on a shoestring budget, and not young.

Of course she was welcome to stay in the room at no charge since we three had already budgeted and paid. I made her a completely chaste offer of the other half of my queen hotel bed. She said, very strongly, that she preferred to sleep on the floor. She woke up at 4 AM with a serious asthma attack from sleeping on the floor. I demanded that she get up off the floor and sleep on the other side of my bed, threatening that I would sleep on the floor unless she got off it. Thankfully, that did the trick, and she spent a few restful hours in a proper bed.

I later asked my roommates what that was about. They had told the asthmatic butch that I was a big old dyke, but she had insisted that she was NOT going to sleep in a bed with a straight woman! She was quite sure of it. I HAD to be straight. WTF?

[Martina]

Butch femme folk think i am too andro to be femme. Yet regular lesbians think i am straight.

By the time i have given an andro lesbian enough significant looks for her to get that i am also a dyke, she thinks i am coming on to her.

Oh joy.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I went to lunch with the managing FDs wife and I mentioned about being an invisible Femme (I explained what it meant). She said to me that when we first met when I was a student, she would never have guessed I was gay. She saw me almost like a Porcelain Doll; as innocent! She also admitted that although she’d heard whispers that I was gay, her experiences of gay women were Andro and Butch, so she believed them to be vicious rumours against me because I was well liked there.

Fast forward several years to now, having worked closely with everyone, again, she has observed that when I’m eyeing up a Butch, I’m not obvious about it…..it’s subtle. What she has also observed is that, Boi’s, soft Butch’s, Andro’s and other Femmes pick up on my ‘signals’. She still sees me as a Porcelain Doll!

This explains why I get a lot of interest from other Femmes. No offence is intended towards Butch’s when I say this; the ‘signals’ that I send out and maybe many of you Femmes who are seen as straight are far too subtle for them to pick up! It seems we need the 4x4s that Cajun dee has suggested! LOL!

There’s a new business venture; Cajun dee’s Butch Attention Grabbers! LOL!

[UofMfan]

Originally Posted by Medusa

I used to constantly wear a little rainbow-colored necklace with the word "Femme" in script. It helped a lot

My ex had a silver necklace made with the word Femme in script. Not only was it beautiful, it sent a clear message.

She too got tired of being "invisible".

[genghisfawn]

If I wore a "femme" necklace in my city, two things would happen...

1) I'd get too many nosey sorts asking what it meant, and it's not really something I'm keen to discuss with those not in the know;
2) Even if a butch saw it, they're not looking for femmes!

I'm present in my local community, and I've been present and active for many years. I know many people, and people do know... unless they're younger, just out or visiting, and then they think I'm the straight girl at the gay bar!

As for visibility... I struggle with how to do it, or whether I really want it. Saskatoon is a pretty decent place, where if people don't approve of queerness, at least (among adults) they don't waste their breath or energy trying to hurt you.

Besides... whenever I see a cute butch, I just give 'em the old eye-sex treatment. You know the one. Sultry eye contact, break away, see if they're still looking, telepathically communicate the desire for a drink and conversation, etc. When it works, it works!

[starryeyes]

I don't know what the solution is? I experience everything you and everyone else has talked about, but I still have no solution. I am always going to be a high femme. I am always going to look "straight". It is just part of the femme package, I guess. When I did not have a girlfriend, it was really difficult meeting people as well. I am super shy. The only time I notice butches checking me out is when I am with another butch (go figure). Oh well. Good luck on your journey femme sistah!

:-D

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I later asked my roommates what that was about. They had told the asthmatic butch that I was a big old dyke, but she had insisted that she was NOT going to sleep in a bed with a straight woman! She was quite sure of it. I HAD to be straight. WTF?

What a dick, I would have left her on the floor.

I've had boyish gay women insist I must be bisexual or straight before, interestingly they were nearly always single.. Perhaps a lack of social skills?

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

This explains why I get a lot of interest from other Femmes. No offence is intended towards Butch’s when I say this; the ‘signals’ that I send out and maybe many of you Femmes who are seen as straight are far too subtle for them to pick up!

I'm not subtle at. all. when I like someone. Trust me, it's worthwhile being forward.

It's ironic as I'm not confident at all, I'm social awkward, hate confrontation, struggle to hold peoples gaze unless I'm actively conversing with them and get really anxious around people I like. I'm also an extrovert, so when I like someone, whether it be a friendship or romantically, I can't help myself. I want to get in their face, I want to talk to them, I want them to notice me and want them to remember my name. People like attention so it's always worked.

I always worked on the principle that once someone knows who you are, then anything is possible.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by UofMfan

My ex had a silver necklace made with the word Femme in script. Not only was it beautiful, it sent a clear message.

She too got tired of being "invisible".

Hmmm, a necklace may be a good idea. When I used to go out, I was in full blown "ultra femme" mode so the people at the bars may have thought that I was just a really feminine drag queen. lol

When I am in what I call "doll mode" everything is perfect, dead on and no detail is missed.

I was far from invisible but probably a bit confusing to everyone.

[JAGG]

Well if it makes you feel any better, we wish we knew too. Sure would make things easier.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by Quintease

I'm not subtle at. all. when I like someone. Trust me, it's worthwhile being forward.

It's ironic as I'm not confident at all, I'm social awkward, hate confrontation, struggle to hold peoples gaze unless I'm actively conversing with them and get really anxious around people I like. I'm also an extrovert, so when I like someone, whether it be a friendship or romantically, I can't help myself. I want to get in their face, I want to talk to them, I want them to notice me and want them to remember my name. People like attention so it's always worked.

I always worked on the principle that once someone knows who you are, then anything is possible.

I’m a complete contradiction; I’m comfortable within myself and fairly confident, and certainly not backwards in being forwards, as well as being extroverted and annoying cheerful, bubbly and happy (apparently, lol!). When I’m with people I know; whether at work or in my private life, my presence is felt, but, not in an in forceful your face kind of way.

But….. I hate confrontation and don’t like social settings with lots of people, preferring small gatherings. I’m not awkward socially, I just don’t like being around too many people at one time. I’m not easily intimidated by people and I’m not nervous or anxious by nature unless there’s a need to be (if that makes sense?)
When I’m chatting to someone I’ve just met, I’m still bubbly and talkative, only I lower my head slightly and look up at them, then look away to the side whilst smiling with my mouth closed.

Half of my problem is my thick accent; I’ve had to learn to ‘tone’ it down when I speak to people who aren’t used to my accent (basically sound more English English) over the years for people to understand what I’m saying and that does take a fair amount of effort to do to hold a conversation.

[macele]

it seems like a lot of butches won't make eye contact with even other butches. shy, fear, taken, not interested, ... the reason for not doing so, gotta be one of those lol. i noticed this in my teens. if i see someone that gives off a vibe/something visible (butch or femme), i try to make eye contact, smile.

if we use the mind set that most heterosexuals use, which is all femme women are straight, reverse that, ... all femme women are lesbians, ... can't hurt. be bold, go for it. if i see someone that interests me, this way, i'll find out soon enough if she's a lesbian lol.

the butch has to help. this thread right here is letting the butch know that a lot of femmes feel invisible. so step up!

standing out in the general public. that makes me go, whew! i don't know. i like the necklace idea, gemme and others mentioned. and the code word princessbelle mentioned. there has to be one, ... to make known world-wide lol. seriously. let me think about this lol.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I'd like to wear something that shows clearly that I'm gay, but, I'm careful how I present my sexual orientation as I have been attacked in the past for wearing a rainbow broach. I travel to a part of London regularly for work that has a large Muslim community that has demonstrated a lot of violence towards gay people and threatened our community with being burned alive.

So, unless I use a 4x4 upside a Butch's head (hopefully not causing any head injuries, lol!), I'm at a loss for solutions...