What makes a Butch "Butch"

[Mr. Cynthia]

Originally Posted by Wolfsong

Throughout the course of my day I would say that I get addressed as a equal times as Sir or Ma'am. There are times that, for no apparent reason, when people address me as Sir I just want to scream at them "Are you fucking blind? Do you NOT see these tits? If these tits got any bigger they'd be required to have break lights and a license plate you dumbass!" but I just smile and move along. I've come to believe that this reaction is more about being hurt at being invisible to people than it does to my gender identity.

I used to get anxious every time I had to interact with people who don't know my name- would they call me sir, ma'am, he, she? Should I correct them? Should I make a joke or should I be all offended and snap at them?

Now, I just don't care.

Cashiers, wait staff, the guys at Jiffy Lube...they don't know that blue is my favorite color. They don't know that I collect Zippo lighters and books and sharp-pointy things. They don't know that I have a dog named Max and cats named Bella and Vinnie. Why should they know all about my gender identity/sexual orientation?

I just go with whatever they call me...which is especially funny when they call me "sir" 15 times and then look at the name on my Visa card- talk about priceless!

[Hollylane]

Originally Posted by Morgan

Would I do it again...perhaps, for me being a butch is not on the outside, but on the inside. I am a woman first and it felt good to embrace the feminine side of myself, if only just for a night.

I am sharing the link here. http://s206.photobucket.com/albums/b...gan%20picture/

I've chewed on this for a few days. I guess I just want to say that I don't think that feeling in touch with my femininity means that I need to put on a dress, make-up, pantyhose or high heels, or expect to be oogled by someone of another gender.

I don't feel like I am any less feminine when I am wearing hiking boots, hiking pants, and a t-shirt, struggling uphill, sweating and trudging through mud and muck. I feel strong, and I feel feminine, because that is who I am.

I don't mean to invade butch space, or discount anyone's experiences. I just don't feel that "What makes a Butch "Butch"" has anything to do with clothing. I think that what makes a butch "Butch" is about how they feel about themselves.

[Parker]

I havent yet evolved to the point where being called sir or having mail addressed to Mr. Wolf doesnt bother me. I would like to say that I have but it would be bullshit - it hurts and pisses me off at the same time - which is interesting, seeings how it happens all the time - you'd think I'd be used to it by now.

Like Wolfsong, I am surprised they dont see these huge tits - even in an over-sized t-shirt, they are still quite prominent and enter a room a few minutes before I do. I would love to get a breast reduction if for no other reason than to be able to lay on my stomach without having to adjust them and move them out of the way.

But I digress with my TMI ...

I have to agree with what Wolfsong said about being invisible - no, I dont expect strangers to know anything about my sexuality or gender identity, but being invisible as a woman simply because I am masculine gets tiresome - hell, it even happens on sites like this where "he/hy" is still the default for a lot of folks when addressing butches.

I dont like being invisible, but I refuse to change who I am or how I dress in order for others to "see" me; so I just have to suck it up and find a way to get past the hurt and anger and come to understand that no harm is meant - some people will just never see me.

I hope one day to evolve into that state of Zen where things like that dont even come up on my radar of things that bug the crap out of me.

[BullDog]

I don't pay much attention to whether someone calls me Sir, Ma'am, he, she etc when it's coming from store clerks or some other customer service person. I figure they are either required to say it or they are saying it out or habit. Not everyone who says "have a nice day" truly means it, lol.

When it comes to butch femme communities it is extremely invalidating and frustrating when male defaults are used. Most butches are not male or male id'd so why this continues to be perpetuated is truly beyond me. I thought we were trying to get past the binary. It's certainly not as bad on this site as others but it still occurs.

I am happy to refer to anyone by he or hy if that is what that individual prefers. However most butches are not he/hy and when it is used as a default I just feel the person doing it must be truly out of touch with the reality of how most butches live or they do it to not offend males (which is another sign of male being valued over female). The argument that we have to use he/hy for butches and she for femmes to tell the difference between the two is truly beyond ridiculous to me.