For those for whom Mother's Day is not a Good Day

ruthie14 · 05-10-2012, 08:14 PM

Feeling the need to bump this thread. Mother's day is upon us. I am blue, weepy and edgy. Trying to keep the positives in mind and the negatives in perspective. I know it will be better next week... but right now.. not so much. It just never seems to get easier.

Post your feelings, rant and rage. This is the place to get support. My wish is that some of us are having an easier time of it this year. If not, know you have my ear and my heart is with you.

Ruthie

Licious · 05-10-2012, 08:20 PM

Thanks. It is not a great day. She died 20plus years ago and there were mixed emotions there, though I did love her. I don't like Mothers day and sometimes other holidays too much and try to shut them out mentally every year as they pass. For those who recently lost their mothers, it does get better, but I think it never goes away.

Rockinonahigh · 05-10-2012, 08:50 PM

Mothers day was always about my mom and grandma,just like fathers day was about my grandpa.When I had kids I really never felt it was a day for me and it was ok.Both my grannie and mom are gone now so I do think of them on this day.My son takes me out to lunch or dinner or not but always gives me a hug and love you mom on this day(he dose this every day any how).Nither of us are scrooges, its just not that big a day for me.

ruthie14 · 05-12-2012, 12:09 PM

Having a hard time. One of my good friends daughter had a baby last weekend and her other daughter is due this week. Another friend had a grandbaby born last week as well. Getting hard. Went out to get myself out of the house. I went to he farm market that I love. Bought some wonderful lemon/rosemary soap called bliss... all natural etc. Visited with 2 friends. Home and going to have some lunch and clean out my trunk. Party tonight. Tomorrow is going to be rough but at least I have things to keep my mind occupied for today.

aishah · 05-12-2012, 12:57 PM

my mom passed away six years ago (my dad also). most years the birthdays and deathiversaries are the worst. mother's day and father's day aren't quite so bad if i can pretend they're not happening. i can't have children and i'm deeply conflicted about wanting to be a mother, which makes this day difficult, too.

i honestly would rather just ignore mother's day altogether because emotionally it's easier for me that way, and it makes the day less painful. but i feel bad because it makes me not so conscientious about doing nice things for the other mothers in my life - my sister and my friend's mom, who has kind of become like my second mom.

Miss Scarlett · 05-12-2012, 02:52 PM

Yesterday i was telling Clay how much i missed my Mom and that i wasn't going to post in this thread this year...but i changed my mind. Instead of posting how much i miss her i want to post some of the fun things about her...

One year my baby brother gave her a copy of "More Dirty Jokes" by Mr. J for Mother's Day...i think he was about 13 at the time...Mom loved it! Only my family...lol

When we were in high school my big brother had the most infamous and extensive porno mag (Mom only allowed Playboy, Oui and Penthouse - all others were forbidden and he complied) collection in the neighborhood - Mom and i would about every week or so retrieve the collection and read them together...commenting about the articles & photos, laughing at the cartoons...

When my middle brother was playing American Legion baseball i found a pouch of chewing tobacco in his uniform when i was doing laundry...naturally it led to a discussion with Mom and some experimentation by the two of us...it was nasty...LOL

When Mom said she'd always wanted to try my baby brother and i were more than happy make sure she did...it was so funny...especially when Dad came home from work and caught us but he didn't find it nearly as funny as we did...LOL

We'd have really bizarre "what if" conversations...like "What if people had tails? What would be the etiquette?"

If one of us saw something really crazy on TV or in the paper we'd call the other to say "OMG quick put on channel ___ " or "Look at page __ in the ____ section of the paper!"

The awesome day we spent together the day before her law school graduation that began with us taking a Trailways bus from Charlotte to Durham and ended with a pizza and champagne celebration at her apartment...she was (as am i) convinced she tipped the Dominos dude $50 that night...LOL

When i was growing up Mom said if we wanted to smoke or drink do it at home so she knew where we were and didn't worry about us...She was a pretty amazing parent - giving us freedom that our friends' parents did not give them...her philosophy was if the parents made it ok the lure of rebellion or secrecy was gone...fortunately for her it worked.

She encouraged us to be free spirits...to march in our own parade rather than in lock step with the world...So it was really funny when i came out to my parents and reminded her of this...her response cracked us both up..."I didn't expect you would listen!"...LOL

So this Mother's Day i am not mourning my loss. Rather i am celebrating the incredible woman who helped make me the person i am today...and Clay, Honey, now you know who is to blame...LOL

Happy Mother's Day Mom and thank you!

ruthie14 · 05-13-2012, 04:48 PM

Almost over... took mom out for dinner and that was lovely. Still having a hard time. My friends 2nd grandbaby of the week was born today.. a girl. I have to say I don't know which is harder, when my friends were having babies, or now that they are having grandbabies. I have not heard a word from my former stepchildren... didn't really expect to ... but I always have a tiny morsel of hope that maybe they will. Why I don't know. I wonder if they even think of me on days like today. Will let myself have a good cry after mom goes to bed. Don't want to upset her. She knows it's hard, but that would just be too much. Wish I had some vodka in the house. lol oh well, it is what it is.

05-10-2012, 08:20 PM	#2
Licious Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Relationship Status: single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: California Posts: 686 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,502 Thanked 1,971 Times in 546 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Thanks. It is not a great day. She died 20plus years ago and there were mixed emotions there, though I did love her. I don't like Mothers day and sometimes other holidays too much and try to shut them out mentally every year as they pass. For those who recently lost their mothers, it does get better, but I think it never goes away. __________________ Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth. ~Rumi

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05-10-2012, 08:14 PM	#1
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,245 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5946335	Feeling the need to bump this thread. Mother's day is upon us. I am blue, weepy and edgy. Trying to keep the positives in mind and the negatives in perspective. I know it will be better next week... but right now.. not so much. It just never seems to get easier. Post your feelings, rant and rage. This is the place to get support. My wish is that some of us are having an easier time of it this year. If not, know you have my ear and my heart is with you. Ruthie

05-10-2012, 08:50 PM	#3
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Mothers day was always about my mom and grandma,just like fathers day was about my grandpa.When I had kids I really never felt it was a day for me and it was ok.Both my grannie and mom are gone now so I do think of them on this day.My son takes me out to lunch or dinner or not but always gives me a hug and love you mom on this day(he dose this every day any how).Nither of us are scrooges, its just not that big a day for me.

05-12-2012, 12:09 PM	#4
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,245 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5946335	Having a hard time. One of my good friends daughter had a baby last weekend and her other daughter is due this week. Another friend had a grandbaby born last week as well. Getting hard. Went out to get myself out of the house. I went to he farm market that I love. Bought some wonderful lemon/rosemary soap called bliss... all natural etc. Visited with 2 friends. Home and going to have some lunch and clean out my trunk. Party tonight. Tomorrow is going to be rough but at least I have things to keep my mind occupied for today.

05-12-2012, 12:57 PM	#5
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,440 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	my mom passed away six years ago (my dad also). most years the birthdays and deathiversaries are the worst. mother's day and father's day aren't quite so bad if i can pretend they're not happening. i can't have children and i'm deeply conflicted about wanting to be a mother, which makes this day difficult, too. i honestly would rather just ignore mother's day altogether because emotionally it's easier for me that way, and it makes the day less painful. but i feel bad because it makes me not so conscientious about doing nice things for the other mothers in my life - my sister and my friend's mom, who has kind of become like my second mom.

05-12-2012, 02:52 PM	#6
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,947 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Yesterday i was telling Clay how much i missed my Mom and that i wasn't going to post in this thread this year...but i changed my mind. Instead of posting how much i miss her i want to post some of the fun things about her... One year my baby brother gave her a copy of "More Dirty Jokes" by Mr. J for Mother's Day...i think he was about 13 at the time...Mom loved it! Only my family...lol When we were in high school my big brother had the most infamous and extensive porno mag (Mom only allowed Playboy, Oui and Penthouse - all others were forbidden and he complied) collection in the neighborhood - Mom and i would about every week or so retrieve the collection and read them together...commenting about the articles & photos, laughing at the cartoons... When my middle brother was playing American Legion baseball i found a pouch of chewing tobacco in his uniform when i was doing laundry...naturally it led to a discussion with Mom and some experimentation by the two of us...it was nasty...LOL When Mom said she'd always wanted to try my baby brother and i were more than happy make sure she did...it was so funny...especially when Dad came home from work and caught us but he didn't find it nearly as funny as we did...LOL We'd have really bizarre "what if" conversations...like "What if people had tails? What would be the etiquette?" If one of us saw something really crazy on TV or in the paper we'd call the other to say "OMG quick put on channel ___ " or "Look at page __ in the ____ section of the paper!" The awesome day we spent together the day before her law school graduation that began with us taking a Trailways bus from Charlotte to Durham and ended with a pizza and champagne celebration at her apartment...she was (as am i) convinced she tipped the Dominos dude $50 that night...LOL When i was growing up Mom said if we wanted to smoke or drink do it at home so she knew where we were and didn't worry about us...She was a pretty amazing parent - giving us freedom that our friends' parents did not give them...her philosophy was if the parents made it ok the lure of rebellion or secrecy was gone...fortunately for her it worked. She encouraged us to be free spirits...to march in our own parade rather than in lock step with the world...So it was really funny when i came out to my parents and reminded her of this...her response cracked us both up..."I didn't expect you would listen!"...LOL So this Mother's Day i am not mourning my loss. Rather i am celebrating the incredible woman who helped make me the person i am today...and Clay, Honey, now you know who is to blame...LOL Happy Mother's Day Mom and thank you!

05-13-2012, 04:48 PM	#7
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,245 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5946335	Almost over... took mom out for dinner and that was lovely. Still having a hard time. My friends 2nd grandbaby of the week was born today.. a girl. I have to say I don't know which is harder, when my friends were having babies, or now that they are having grandbabies. I have not heard a word from my former stepchildren... didn't really expect to ... but I always have a tiny morsel of hope that maybe they will. Why I don't know. I wonder if they even think of me on days like today. Will let myself have a good cry after mom goes to bed. Don't want to upset her. She knows it's hard, but that would just be too much. Wish I had some vodka in the house. lol oh well, it is what it is.