PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

Spinning, searing with anxiety when I started reading I am reminded that as long as things are improving and progress is being made, I will someday be okay. Thank you! Truly. Deeply. Thank you.

Decisions I am making and need to make are heavy and hard and sad, but I can't stop. I keep getting up and keep on going. I have these little frenzies of self improvement and move forward, then the darkness creaps in, for a while...but each time I see that there is improvement overall. Really slow progress...

On another note..

I get the struggle between different factions in the PTSD community...as it were, but agree....What happened to whom to cause PTSD should not be the focus. Understanding around the symptoms we share helps us all with healing. The symptoms are the same basically, no matter how they got there.

They are always there, just beneath the surface.

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Decisions I am making and need to make are heavy and hard and sad, but I can't stop. I keep getting up and keep on going. I have these little frenzies of self improvement and move forward, then the darkness creaps in, for a while...but each time I see that there is improvement overall. Really slow progress...

On another note..

I get the struggle between different factions in the PTSD community...as it were, but agree....What happened to whom to cause PTSD should not be the focus. Understanding around the symptoms we share helps us all with healing. The symptoms are the same basically, no matter how they got there.

They are always there, just beneath the surface.

Good on YOU to get back up and take steps even when they are hard.
I wish i were so brave sometimes. Sometimes... i forget to breathe like you said. and sometimes i have a hellovah time moving in the right direction!
you said self improvement and moving forward and progress...that is good stuff right there.


And another thing...(on the other note)...i know i don't have a history nearly as bad as others.
So, i don't want anyone here feeling sorry for me or worrying about me. I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD...but, it sure feels like it. i got some of those symptoms...that is for sure. God bless everyone here that feels them and let him take em away.
i know that those symptoms can get better. i have seen it happen.

thanks for the thread and being so brave Apocalipstic.
and thanks for everyone else on the thread.

[Ms. Meander]

Trauma is trauma. Whether you were traumatized for 2 seconds or 20 years, no matter the form of the trauma. There is no value judgement. And there is no need for pity -- only empathy and compassion. We all have to use the same tools to get through the moment and that is what counts.

[Apocalipstic]

One of the things that most helps me is the love of pets. They never question me, or tell me I should chill or that I am being ridiculous. They love me no matter what.

They know when I am upset. They lick my tears away.

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

One of the things that most helps me is the love of pets. They never question me, or tell me I should chill or that I am being ridiculous. They love me no matter what.

They know when I am upset. They lick my tears away.

AMEN!!!!!!

[Girl Friday]

Originally Posted by DMW

Good on YOU to get back up and take steps even when they are hard.
I wish i were so brave sometimes. Sometimes... i forget to breathe like you said. and sometimes i have a hellovah time moving in the right direction!
you said self improvement and moving forward and progress...that is good stuff right there.


And another thing...(on the other note)...i know i don't have a history nearly as bad as others.
So, i don't want anyone here feeling sorry for me or worrying about me. I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD...but, it sure feels like it. i got some of those symptoms...that is for sure. God bless everyone here that feels them and let him take em away.
i know that those symptoms can get better. i have seen it happen.

thanks for the thread and being so brave Apocalipstic.
and thanks for everyone else on the thread.

I don't think you should focus on having a diagnosis. I think you should focus on how you feel. That's more important. Really, it is. Chances are you'll have an experience one day that will trigger your feelings and someone will say "aren't you over that yet? it happened so long ago."

Feel free to laugh in their faces. (It makes it easier not to slap them.)

And don't forget to breathe.

[DMW]

Trying to breathe...needing to put this somewhere. Shock and trauma and incoming information ...again...wouldn't have believed it...if i had not seen it with my own eyes.
So sad. Liars. So sad. you know my chest gets so tight and it cramps up. i feel like an animal in a cage . And a betrayed animal in a cage, at that.
Why do i insist on always seeing the good in people...even, i guess, to my own
detriment. My own sacrifice. No more lamb chops for me. no more
Let the lion out of the cage man.




I agree about the pets Apocalipstic...i just lost 2 and that sucks. i wish i had em now.
ok, you can feel sorry for me on that note.

[Girl Friday]

I just had the hardest conversation of my life. I don't know where to go from here. All I can see is down.

Remember the first time someone negated what happened to you? Remember what it felt like when someone you loved more than breathing told you that you were exaggerating or making something up or denied suddenly that it happened? Remember the leaving your body feeling as the experience rushed back to you?

My body feels numb. I feel like I'm going to pass out. And right now all I can think is "It's my fault. This is my fault. It's always going to be my fault." No pity. No emotion. I don't feel a single emotion. My head is just spinning. It's like someone took a chain saw to reality, chewed it into tiny little pieces, and then fed it to me like I was a little kid who refused to eat her green beans, saying the whole time, "Now you know that's not what happened. You know you're exaggerating. You know you're making that up. Why do you have to lie? I can't trust you if you lie. Shame on you. I'm so disappointed. I don't think I can ever trust you again."

Why has reality shifted? Why am I being told that it didn't happen? We've talked twice about the fact that it did. Is it because we view the circumstances differently? Is it because my wording is offensive to you? Is it because I'm less than you? Do you see nothing when you look at me? Are you finally willing to acknowledge that you think me the worthless piece of garbage I always suspected you did? I mean, why hold back? Right? It's too late to hold back now. If I'm the enemy, then you're safe. If it's all on me, you never have to think of me in positive terms again. You get to negate everything I did or said or felt. Just because you didn't like the word I used to describe my experience.

It's so...insane.

[Glenn]

Come with me Folks to Ever Calm Cottage...it is a real place where rose bushes line the walk leading to the door...where a soft pillowy sofa is waiting ...a pretty little table with laced cloth..windows and green grass.. everywhere...looking out onto a peaceful lake... always so peaceful...

[Licious]

Just found this thread. So good to see trauma and PTSD being discussed openly.

And and to the brave souls who are willing to share, kudos.

[Nadeest]

@ Girl Friday It is NOT your fault! hugs hang in there