Tristan Taormino - loves butch girls

[Martina]

I have known butches who ID as butch but would do a double take if their girlfriend referred to them as "my butch" or frequently referred to them as butch at all. A lot of folks who are butch ID'd do not use the word a ton. I know of two who have complained when others have overused it referring to them. The others may have been trying to impose gender expectations on these people or were overly foregrounding gender.

Just adding that point.

[~ocean]

soo many opinions .. and all valid to ones own perspective. u can reslove it by

1. wearing a tshirt w. ur own logo and ur own ID
2. get ur own personal ID tattoo'd on ur forehead
3. or don't get mad at ppl who ID diff than u would << now theres a thought ~
4. u can fight the world and stress urself out <<not good causes wrinkles ~
5. just let it be known . that u r .. OH ~~ that nice person we just met ~~

~ocean

[Dude]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

.. u can reslove it by

3. or don't get mad at ppl who ID diff than u would << now theres a thought ~
4. u can fight the world and stress urself out <<not good causes wrinkles ~
~ocean

I snipped a bit out of what you said here, so forgive me.
I dont even know who you are writing to but will jump off
of this to be clearer about who I am and where I am coming from.

I have absoultely no problem with people who ID differently
than me. If I came across that way to anyone , I apologize.

I tried to carefully describe how a few words feel to me. period.

For most of my life I have had close friends who I would
describe as tweeners (<= in a non insulting way and have had
many conversations about butch-femme stuff with them )
I love them ,they are my friends. All of them very much supported me
as a baby butch when I needed it the most.

I was actually refered to a butch-femme site by a bisexual I had
a quite enjoyable tyrst with. (who I met on a yahoo dating thing)
There was no future for us in the long term because she really
desired femminine women and manly men.
She knew it would be sick and wrong (lol and what a relief)
to try to change me so she steered me to a place to be appreciated.
That was brutally honest and I know hard for her because she
liked and enjoyed me a lot but.....
I warned her , I really did.
Yet she was attracted to ME (but not in the perfect way )
and so it went wilty after a few months.

I can not tell you how many times my life that I have dated
women who have tried to soften me up, change my walk, hair
and try to convince me to dress differently
( to be more OK and loved by them)
I was called sir even with long hair, way back in the day.
This is what (some) butches go through in life and it does become
a war just to be ourselves and secure in who we are , exactly as we are.
If your experiences are different from mine ,then jolly good for you ( seriously)

We dont have the worry or headache of coming out constantly like
femmes do , which I feel quite grateful for.
When we do go out to face the world sometimes it is not exactly
a picnic either. We confuse people , which is fun somedays and
somedays not.
My personal "resolve" is to not change who I am for anyone. ever.
wrinkles show a life well lived (or character I've always heard)
I have many.
This chip on my shoulder, isnt really a chip it's called survival.
I'm sure I'm not alone in having one and I love that it has kept me safe.

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by Martina

I have known butches who ID as butch but would do a double take if their girlfriend referred to them as "my butch" or frequently referred to them as butch at all. A lot of folks who are butch ID'd do not use the word a ton. I know of two who have complained when others have overused it referring to them. The others may have been trying to impose gender expectations on these people or were overly foregrounding gender.

Just adding that point.

Thank you for this, Martina!