Parenting

[Rockinonahigh]

My oldes son has two kids so one weekend we were out about town just kicking around.Well we all know how kids do say the darndest things at some really crazy times.We were in chucky cheeses and the grand daughter who was 13 at the time out of the blue ask me what it was like to have an orgasm.This caught me fixing to take a bite out a a pizza,the room was packed with people of all ages and her voice is like mine ..u cant miss it.I thing I took on second to take a deep breath( remembr I raised her dad) and said we will take a walk to settle this pizza pie when we are done and talk about it...she said ..ok.Btw the folks siting at any table near enough to hear it was either silence or stares or deep chuckles.I turnes out she has followed her grandbutch into queerdome.

[Rockinonahigh]

Andrew,how ar ya bro?
All I can say its your nices wedding and she should feel free to honor her aunt as she wishes and I think her ideas is a sound one that will be great for her.Now as for the rest of the family,ya know its hard when a parent starts dateing again cause then the kids will be shareing dads time with someone new.Now if he is just dateing and it not overly serious they should be remeinded somehow that its just dateing.If its serious dad needs to sit down with the kids involved alone and have a talk with them about it all to reashure then that no on will ever replace mom ever.Both sides need to really listen to each other cause what ever happends in this will be something that will be remembered by all in the future and should be in a possitive way.I think the older folks /kids could be a little easyer on dad cause he has a right to a life of happyness if he loves this woman...she needs to understand the foundation both of them put down now will set the tone for the future with the other folks involved as well.A possitive relationship is far better than a neggetive one and all need to work to that gaol.

[Lusciousblondefemme]

Andrew,
I would tell your neice that since it is her big day that she should do what is in her heart. If she feels that she wants to honor her aunt than so be it. You should also ask them When exactly they think that its enough time or the right time for her husband to move on. Unfortunately everyone deals with heartache differently and no one can tell another person when its time to move on. Tell them that its not that he is trying to replace their Aunt, it's just that he wants to feel happiness again.
I hope that her wedding is amazing and that the day goes off without a hitch... There truly is something to be said about your neice who wants to honor her aunt. That is something very special she has inside of her heart.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Thanks for the responses. I feel caught in the middle. I can understand the Dad wanting to date again, and wanting to move on with life and living. At the same time, the kids are still grieving. This is the first major event and my niece getting married is the one who was very close to my late sister. That is why I can see having a picture of her on the alter. I just don't want anyone to be crying. I want it to be a happy event. I want to keep spirits up.

[evolveme]

Hey y'all.

I'm writing an article and need to interview some parents. Specifically I'm looking to speak to the parent of a boy, but could also stand to speak to the parent of a girl child as well. This would be a child old enough to have experienced and/or witnessed bullying.

Please PM me if you are available to chat briefly on the subject and are willing to give your full name (not your child's) for an article that would appear online.

Thank you in advance!

Julie

[KayCee]

Here's an interesting article I received today and wanted to share with you:

Kids With Lesbian Parents Do Just Fine
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/ma...iclekey=116921

When compared to teens of the same age, adolescents raised by lesbian parents are doing just fine socially, psychologically and academically, new research finds.

Not only that, they have fewer social problems, and less aggressive and rule-breaking behaviors than other teens.

The nearly 20-year study has followed 78 teens since their lesbian mothers were planning their pregnancies, and concluded that these children "demonstrate healthy psychological adjustment." These findings stand in contrast to what some vocal opponents of gay or lesbian parents might have expected.

"One of the things that opponents of the equalities of gays and lesbians -- in marriage, parenting, adoption and foster care -- often bring up is the so-called gold standard of parenting, which defined by them is the traditional family where children are conceived in traditional ways and not through insemination or surrogates. But, when we compared the adolescents in our study to the so-called gold standard, we found the teens with lesbian mothers were actually doing better," said study author Dr. Nanette Gartrell, the Williams Distinguished Scholar at the University of California Los Angeles School of Law.

As to why these teens are doing better, Gartrell said, "Moms in the lesbian family are very committed, very involved parents."

Gartrell said she expects that these findings would also translate to the children of gay male parents as well. "Gay male parents are another group of very committed parents, and really, [among gay male couples] only economically privileged gay men have access to the opportunity to become parents right now," she said.

Family therapist Andrew Roffman, at the New York University Langone Medical Center, wasn't surprised by the findings and agreed that such results would likely be similar for gay male parents.

"Good parenting makes for healthier children, regardless of your sexual orientation. Whether you're gay, straight or lesbian, good parenting is good parenting," said Roffman.

Results of Gartrell's study will be published in the July issue of Pediatrics.

Between 1986 and 1992, Gartrell and her colleague, Henry Bos, recruited 154 prospective lesbian mothers as they were considering artificial insemination, or once they were already pregnant.

As the children have grown, the researchers have been periodically checking in on them, and the latest follow-up included questionnaires completed by 78 children when they were 10 and again when they were 17. The study also included an interview with one of each child's mothers to assess the child's psychological well-being.

The results were then compared to a group of age-matched children from traditional families.

Compared to the traditionally reared teens, adolescents with lesbian parents rated significantly higher in social, academic and total competence, according to the study. The teens with lesbian parents also rated significantly lower when it came to social problems, rule-breaking and aggressive behavior than teens raised in more traditional families.

Even in homes where the lesbian parents had split up, the researchers found that those teens still fared better than teens from more traditional families.

Just over four in 10 of the teens raised by lesbian parents reported that they had been stigmatized at some point because of their parents' sexual orientation, said Gartrell. But, when the researchers compared those who had been stigmatized to those who hadn't, they found no significant psychological differences.

"These young people seem to have done well; they have some resilience," she said.

Roffman said there's likely a resilience factor at play. And, he said, it may come from the lesbian parents thinking ahead of time about what the child's experiences might be and talking with the children before anything happens.

"Probably the most effective thing to do is to prepare kids ahead of time. Let them know that there is still a cultural stigma and that they may encounter children and adults who are insensitive. Having these kinds of talks is relationship-building for both parents and children," said Roffman

"The outcomes here were very clear. These are families in which the mothers were very committed, involved and loving. The 17-year-old adolescents are healthy, happy and high-functioning," said Gartrell.

[SuperFemme]

Stanford Report, August 30, 2010
BY ADAM GORLICK
Children raised by gay couples show good progress through school

By mining data from the 2000 Census, sociologist Michael Rosenfeld figured out the rates at which kids raised by gay and straight couples repeated a grade during elementary or middle school. He found that children of same-sex parents have essentially the same educational achievement as their peers growing up in heterosexual households.

Jack Hubbard Stanford research finds that children of gay and straight couples do equally well in school. Associate professor Michael Rosenfeld, Sociology, drew his research from census data.

In nearly every discussion, debate or lawsuit about gay marriage, the talk at some point turns to family values.

Do gay couples make for good parents? Will their children – whether adopted, conceived with the help of a surrogate or brought in from a pre-existing relationship – adjust, adapt and succeed in a world dominated by traditional families?

The answers usually depend on who's giving them, and come dressed in anecdotes and colored by bias. But Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld brings something new to the conversation: facts and figures derived from the country's largest data bank – the U.S. Census.

In a study published this month in the journal Demography, Rosenfeld concludes that children being raised by same-sex couples have nearly the same educational achievement as children raised by married heterosexual couples.

By mining data from the 2000 Census, Rosenfeld was able to figure out the rates at which children in all types of families repeated a grade during elementary or middle school. According to his findings, nearly 7 percent of children raised by heterosexual married couples were held back a year, while about 9.5 percent of children living with adults identifying themselves as same-sex partners repeated a grade.

The difference between the groups pretty much vanishes when taking into account that the heterosexual couples were slightly more educated and wealthier than most gay parents, Rosenfeld said.

"The census data show that having parents who are the same gender is not in itself any disadvantage to children," he said. "Parents' income and education are the biggest indicators of a child's success. Family structure is a minor determinant."

Rosenfeld's findings have been cited by lawyers fighting Proposition 8, the gay marriage ban passed by California voters in 2008. A federal court judge recently overturned the ban, but his ruling is under appeal.

Rosenfeld's study shows that children of gay and married couples had lower grade-repetition rates than their peers raised by opposite-sex unmarried couples and single parents. And all children living in some type of family environment did much better than those living in group housing. Those who were awaiting adoption or placement in a foster home were held back about 34 percent of the time.

"One of the fundamental issues in modern family law that differs from state to state is whether same-sex couples can adopt," Rosenfeld said. "My research makes clear that there's a huge advantage to kids to be out of the care of the state and into the care of any family, even if the family is not perfectly optimal."

Educators, policymakers and social scientists have long known that children left back in school are at greater risk than their peers for not finishing high school and getting into trouble.

Because gays and lesbians make up such a tiny sliver of the American population – only 1 percent – it has been difficult for researchers to conduct a representative study of how their children perform in the classroom. And gay marriage opponents have criticized earlier studies for having sample sizes that are too small.

"Sample size is power," Rosenfeld said. "And the census is the biggest sample we have. This study is based on a sample of thousands and thousands of kids."

Most personal decisions about gay marriage are based on gut feelings, religious beliefs and individual experiences. Rosenfeld knows his research isn't going to change the minds of most people opposed to same-sex unions. But he has added new data to the debate that helps debunk assertions – whether based on a lack of knowledge or some unfounded fear – that children raised by gay couples cannot thrive.

"Social scientists have an obligation to shed light where they can on issues that are roiling the public," he said. "Sometimes we have to throw up our hands and admit that something is unknowable. But in this case, we could bring some real hard data to bear on an area that was otherwise really in the dark."

http://news.stanford.edu/news/2010/a...tml?view=print