Neurodiversity

[Apocalipstic]

[quote=violaine;64174]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I wonder sometimes if I were neurotypical I would see things the same way and the same things would seem blaringly obvious.

what seems blaringly obvious to me is when NT's possess some odd sense of 'loyalty' to one another - even if all of the facts are not there , or even when another model is readily available to them. thinking outside of the box is not something i have experienced with many NT's.

i am writing about various family dynamics, friendships, and work environments - Sticking Together Policy- on unhealthy levels, for the sake of sticking together! like that is more important than opening up a mind to potential growth - or at least not ruling it out.



I have a difficult time with what feelings are and how they differ from thoughts.


Cyclopea, I really like the idea of a Safe Zone as long as everyone is welcome. Then, people who might be triggered by certain types of discussions could just avoid the Safe Zone?

Yes, sometimes the loyalty seems to be to those they perceive have power somehow. Even if it is blatantly obvious that said persons are operating in their own toxic self interests.

Maybe it is fear of being perceived as an outcast or feeling alone?

There is the feeling word again. Are "feelings" and "feeling nauseated" or "feeling alone" the same thing?

[violaine]

NT and AT wiring [aspies, for example]- are so different in socialisation/survival areas. if an NT is hard wired for socialisation- peer pressure-being 'normal' and whatever schedule to follow from the Book of Codes for Normals, it makes sense that feeling like an 'outcast' would not be so good for an NT - it might mean that less people [in a group situation of NT's] find forgiveness for being human. making mistakes- and if one NT person turns their back on someone, how many times have you seen others do the same?

there are NT's who are less judgmental, not quick to take sides, or who do not follow the schedule from Book of Codes for Normals, et c. and there are also AT's who do obsess on being 'normal' - but where does that come from?

[Andrew, Jr.]

Belle, I have no idea. Good idea to think about.

[violaine]

there's so much i could write about how communication could go smoother between NT's/AT's, from my own ideas/observations- but if one party is unwilling to see there will be differences [both ways !]- in use of phraseologies/tone/timing/pacing of conversation/body language, what difference does it make ?

immediate judgments, & accusations- could possibly be avoided, and the issue[s] survivable if there's room for lots of patience, a willingness to go there and stay the course, and support-

a space made for the person talking at the time to be fully heard, and respected for their feelings/thoughts -without immediately mowing the person down by connecting the words of the speaker to previous experiences, expectations, learned from wherever/whomever-

but that's hard work. how does one unlearn decades of learning/being conditioned - or living sort of on your own island with AT wiring ?

AT's can get stuck in a mode of thinking they are right just as easily as NT's; AT's could think of an NT in unfavourable light, as quickly as an NT could do the same-

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by violaine

there's so much i could write about how communication could go smoother between NT's/AT's, from my own ideas/observations- but if one party is unwilling to see there will be differences [both ways !]- in use of phraseologies/tone/timing/pacing of conversation/body language, what difference does it make ?

immediate judgments, & accusations- could possibly be avoided, and the issue[s] survivable if there's room for lots of patience, a willingness to go there and stay the course, and support-

a space made for the person talking at the time to be fully heard, and respected for their feelings/thoughts -without immediately mowing the person down by connecting the words of the speaker to previous experiences, expectations, learned from wherever/whomever-

but that's hard work.

It is hard work. Very hard work.

I know in my case almost all of my socialization behaviors did not come naturally. I learned them from experience and observation. I am learning to be flexible with what I think I know, or have learned. But it is indeed hard work (exhausting).

Expectations. The Dalai Lama says that to have true happyness we must give up expectations and how true this is.

I do still want to be understood though. I keep hoping.

[Apocalipstic]

More on thinking we are right.

I guess maybe everyone does to an extent?

I wonder if my thoughts are reasonable to other people....easy to understand. It amazes me when I write post after post and someone reads it and reacts to 4 words I said which to me are not interconnected....and I wonder is it my inability to communicate, or is it their reading comprehension.

Likely somewhere in the middle.

[christie]

I just wanted to take a moment to thank each of you for sharing on this thread. As the mom of an Aspie, it gives me a very unique perspective to read your thoughts from the "me" space that I have to work so hard to get from my son.

Your sharing always makes me take pause to reflect upon how I might better communicate with bratboy and I daresay its helped me be a better mom.

As he reaches legal manhood, my heart gets all caught up in how he will be able to fare in the world. You all make me very hopeful that he will be most successful.

Thank you.

Much love,
C