Making Peace with Exes

Ciaran · 09-09-2012, 08:38 AM

Making peace with exes is, for me, something that's sometimes easier in theory than in practice. I can hold grudges and have enough baggage that even Southwest would charge me luggage fees.

Generally, however, I've retained a level of friendships with exes. Sometimes, though, not until years after we broke up. I am now back on good, very friendly terms with my first long-term girlfriend whom I dated in my late teens although, despite for most of the intervening years living in the same city and having shared friends, we didn't talk at all for a decade or so. Making up has been very good.

I've a few other exes where we retain some interaction but there's often an underlying friction or the potential for friction which makes me uncomfortable. Generally, in these instances, esp. as I've genuinely lost any attraction I ever had for them, any contact is reactive only.

My most recent partner who lives in San Diego and some on here know. Well, we're fortunate in that, despite some two-way hurt, we have been able to recover from that and remain very close. We'll never get back together but I've "got her back" and, in my view, sometimes that's more important than romantic love. We still see each other regularly - I'm staying with her for a week or so later this month and she's coming over to Ireland at Christmas to spend time with my family (and, together with my parents, gang up and tease me relentlessly). That's a good result.

One or two exes didn't work out so well, including a lady I loved very much who committed suicide not that long after we broke up. I don't think I was to "blame" but I'm sure that I didn't help and, well, it didn't really allow for closure. However, as is life, sometimes we need to live through it and come out the other end as best we can.

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09-09-2012, 08:38 AM	#20
Ciaran Member How Do You Identify?: Altocalciphilic Preferred Pronoun?: Papa Smurf Relationship Status: Curmudgeonous spinster Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: London (but from Belfast) Posts: 678 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 471 Thanked 3,654 Times in 602 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Making peace with exes is, for me, something that's sometimes easier in theory than in practice. I can hold grudges and have enough baggage that even Southwest would charge me luggage fees. Generally, however, I've retained a level of friendships with exes. Sometimes, though, not until years after we broke up. I am now back on good, very friendly terms with my first long-term girlfriend whom I dated in my late teens although, despite for most of the intervening years living in the same city and having shared friends, we didn't talk at all for a decade or so. Making up has been very good. I've a few other exes where we retain some interaction but there's often an underlying friction or the potential for friction which makes me uncomfortable. Generally, in these instances, esp. as I've genuinely lost any attraction I ever had for them, any contact is reactive only. My most recent partner who lives in San Diego and some on here know. Well, we're fortunate in that, despite some two-way hurt, we have been able to recover from that and remain very close. We'll never get back together but I've "got her back" and, in my view, sometimes that's more important than romantic love. We still see each other regularly - I'm staying with her for a week or so later this month and she's coming over to Ireland at Christmas to spend time with my family (and, together with my parents, gang up and tease me relentlessly). That's a good result. One or two exes didn't work out so well, including a lady I loved very much who committed suicide not that long after we broke up. I don't think I was to "blame" but I'm sure that I didn't help and, well, it didn't really allow for closure. However, as is life, sometimes we need to live through it and come out the other end as best we can.