The Fat Positive Lounge

[Kätzchen]

Hey Canela, yeah... I totally hear how precious children can be! My own boys were like that and still are.

I was gonna say today that for most of my growing up years, I was very slender. It wasn't until between my late 20s to late 30s that I actually experienced a huge wieght gain (my wieght spiraled past 340+ lbs) during that time period in my life and my wieght gain was largely connected to an undiagnosable heart condition that was eventually discovered in my early 40s. Over the past ten years or so, I've hovered around 200-260; currently I sit at 200#. Up until my early 20s I was terribly slender. My wieght during that period of time was around 155#. People called me Twiggy (for those of you who remember that model, years ago).

NYCfemBBW's story about the bathing suit episode and people commenting on her slender fingers (or her legs) reminds me of how people will make remarks about my 'beauty'. I work hard not to flinch or cringe when people make remarks to me of this nature. But I've come to learn over the years that we all grow in our own unique beautiful ways and even when it gets hard to be empathetic to others' lack of understanding or level of intelligence or whatever, that I just have to remember to breathe and count my lucky stars that for some reason I have been able to be too terribly offensive although I know I am not without fault. I'm human like that, I guess.

Hope everyone is having a beautiful day today.
I am. I terribly grateful for that, I am.

[SingularNYCFemme]

I was just on another site, one where I write a diary and read those of others, and one of my friends there wrote about her weight, and how it's always been a big issue for her; about various aches and issues that are tied to it. I wrote about acceptance; let her know she's splendid exactly as she is right now; and encouraged her to do what's best for her. She's a straight woman and hasn't got access to our wonderful thread or, I'm guessing, any fat positive sources. So: I am going to reach out (through diaries) to offer positive messages about herself ... myself ... all women of bounty, and hopefully she will at least know she has a friend who is supportive of her at any size, and encouraging her to love herself RIGHT NOW and not at some future time or some future size/weight.

I feel more blessed than ever to have come out as a lesbian, and a femme lesbian, and to have access to a space like this with fabulous folks who celebrate ourselves in ALL our glory! XOXOXO

[Canela]

Originally Posted by SingularNYCFemme

I was just on another site, one where I write a diary and read those of others, and one of my friends there wrote about her weight, and how it's always been a big issue for her; about various aches and issues that are tied to it. I wrote about acceptance; let her know she's splendid exactly as she is right now; and encouraged her to do what's best for her. She's a straight woman and hasn't got access to our wonderful thread or, I'm guessing, any fat positive sources. So: I am going to reach out (through diaries) to offer positive messages about herself ... myself ... all women of bounty, and hopefully she will at least know she has a friend who is supportive of her at any size, and encouraging her to love herself RIGHT NOW and not at some future time or some future size/weight.

I feel more blessed than ever to have come out as a lesbian, and a femme lesbian, and to have access to a space like this with fabulous folks who celebrate ourselves in ALL our glory! XOXOXO

Congratulations on paying it forward! How awesome that you step outside of your own comfort zone to help someone else who needs it. See, I think that's the "why" of why it's important that we share our stories, our successes especially and any thing that will help encourage and inspire others. Why? Because we can, and when we do it feels sooo good? (Not to mention why this thread exists.)

Am I right, SingularNYCFemme?

You are so awesome and special to go that extra mile for her! Good going, sis!

Big hugs and *snaps* to you!

Ephesians 4:29

[dark_crystal]

* this is copy pasted from my blog www.excusedfromthetreadmill.wordpress.com, and I may have copy/pasted an earlier version in the eating disorders or body-positive thread, for which I apologize for spamming the forums)

In recovering from anorexia, I had to accept that I was going to gain weight and that I could take no control over that and that I would just have to accept whatever size I ended up with.

I had to learn that every size is ok. Through this process, I became a "Fat Activist."

Even though my weight is “normal”, I am a Fat Activist because fat stigma hurts everyone.

When fat jokes are funny, when fat kids are bullied, when fat people face discrimination, all of that adds to the perception that fat is the worst thing in the world you could possibly be.

For “fat” to be the worst thing in the world that could happen to anyone is a problem for people of every size.

When getting fat is the worst thing you can do, avoiding fat becomes the best thing you can do.

(Not to mention how tragic it is to have an entire society working harder at thinness than at art, innovation, or justice.)

When avoiding fat is the most important thing anyone can do, too much is never enough.

This attitude encourages extreme rhetoric and behaviors about weight, diet, and exercise.

When extreme rhetoric and behaviors are portrayed as desirable, people get eating disorders.

I am a Fat Activist because I think that fat, in and of itself, is value-neutral. It is neither good nor bad, and for us to be waging a war this desperate against an arbitrary enemy is suicidal.

If a fat person has health issues that they want to fix, those health issues should be addressed directly. Rather than attempting to fix high blood pressure, high blood sugar, high cholesterol, etc, through dieting; we should approach them through diet.

Wait, isn’t that the same thing? No. Saying “I need to get my blood sugar down, so I am going to lose fifty pounds” is very differnt from saying “I need to get my blood sugar down, so I am going to limit my intake of sugar and carbohydrates.”

The person with the first goal is likely to fail. The person with the second goal is likely to succeed. It seems like it is just semantics, as then end goal is the same, but it is much healthier psychologically to take the most direct approach, as approaching an achievable goal through a method that has a 95% failure rate is just asking for anxiety, depression, obsession and a whole host of other things that our modern lives don’t need any more of.

I am a fat activist because a person can address health concerns such as high blood pressure and high blood sugar through diet and have success without seeing any visible change in their size, therefore I cannot make assumptions about anyone’s health based on their size.

I am a fat activist because, actually, nobody’s health is my business. It sounds like I am saying “it is ok to be fat as long as you are still healthy,” but actually it is ok to be fat whether you are healthy or not.

We judge people for their “healthy” or “unhealthy” lifestyles without ever asking ourselves why. Objectively, how is an individual’s health “good” or “bad” for anyone but themselves, and if it doesn’t affect anyone else, how does it get to be a criteria we can judge by?

People say “but they are shortening their lives,” (which we have already said you cannot know from looking at them, but humor me), however, length of life is also value-neutral. We are all afraid of the unknown, so we want to put off facing it for as long as possible, which leads us to value long lives for ourselves– but this does not mean that a person shortening their own life has any effect on us or is in any way objectively “bad” or “good.”

We actually have more justification in judging people for their fashion choces than for their health. A really bad fashion choice can conceivably affect me if you are wearing zebra stripes with houndstooth and seeing you out of the corner of my eye is distracting me and giving me a headache. Sitting next to me while having high blood pressure? Not so much.

[Tcountry]

I don't know if this should go here or not ( have mixed feelings on it)...but I wanted to share it specifically with ya'll...its been stuck in my head with some great dancing mental images...lol
*tip hat*

[Soft*Silver]

this thread has been too quiet!

I have been moving the store around and decorating with autumn ideas. I will get photos in my gallery soon.

I had a woman come in and tell me she couldnt wait for winter so she could use clothes to cover up her fat. The tone of self loathing was evident. I smiled at her and said, "but I love you just the way you are and you are lovely and beautiful"...and her eyes welled up. She stayed for about thirty minutes and told me her story...our story...being bullied as a child, tormented for being fat, grabbing the first man who came along, he of course was looking for someone he could control, having kids, gaining more weight, hating her marriage, hating herself...

need I go on?

I listened. I listen. I hear so many stories. Our stories. I really would love to make a book or a play out of this whole experience. I have a small short vingette I am working on and I think this might grow into the bigger Story...

Clothes dont cover up our fat. It feeds our need to deny our Selves and our Bodies. To disconnect and betray. When they come into my store, I help them connect and accept. Lil steps. Like, wearing shirts with short sleeves instead of long ones. Shorts instead of capris. Colors. Prints. Even jewelry becomes an issue. Some women wont wear jewelry. Not because they dont love it. But because they dont want to waste the money on themselves. Someone else should have it. I about near imploded the first time I heard that! Yet, it wasnt the last time sadly.

[twinkletoes]

Came across this thread and think it's wonderful I've always been a biggish girl but the last couple of years I've lost about 3 and a half stone, mainly to feel fitter really. Although now a 'healthy' weight, ever since, I've had troubles with my stomach and digestion, I've had my gallbladder removed as well. Basically it seems the smaller I've become and the healthier I eat, the less well I seem to be most of the time. I'm not suggesting the two are necessarily connected but it does seem coincidental... My twin on the other hand is a curvy size 18 (not sure what that relates to in other countries) and she is much more radiant to look at, laid back, happy and not plagued with health problems Big and curvy is definately beautiful ladies

[Spirit Dancer]

Hey Beautiful Fat Girl
--by Rebecca

hey beautiful fat girl
let's talk of is and isn't
i know they call you
mother earth
earth mother
mother
but it isn't fecundity i see
in the swells of you
and your curves are
sweet hot sex
but i don't call you my fetish
don't back-bus you
or give you labels to hide my shame
i don't love you for your
thunderous dancing
even as i love the dancing
and you
and the you of the dancing
because you are more than
your thighs
your size
though all the while,
they are parts of you too
and the shaking inside of me
is not subtle
when i see you
for you move my earth
and rattle the stars down
around me
like a gift
like the gift you are