Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 16

ROOFTOP COFFEE



Who is more powerless: the person driving down the road with his cup of coffee on the roof of the car, or the one who sees it happen? Lost in mental chaos, lost to the small things, I set the cup and forget, or content and serene, I am examining details and notice the oddness. When my mind wanders I am helpless in the whirlpool and suction. When I am grounded I am struck by the separate sealedness of the carnival around me. Potential rides on the top; will it fall forward or back? Will there be a sticky haze on the front windshield or the rear? Or I could remember at the stoplight and spare myself everything but the embarrassment. As the observer I try to be helpful, I point and jump and shout, calling the predicament to the attention of others in an attempt to increase my chances of success. We all stand as the coffee speeds away to unknown disaster.


Wear your boldness like a mane.
*

Hand Washing


I live a simple life now;
I handle life as it is dished up.
I no longer need to make use of the dish prison.

Living an orderly active life I find it untenable
to have my favorite spoon or bowl held hostage
until I make enough mess to run the dishwasher through.

I don’t live an ‘Eight is Enough’ type existence
and need not burden my psyche
trying to save my hands a little soap.

I save the Cascade for visits to waterfalls,
Jet Dry for landing strips.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 17

HATCHLING



When the shell gets too tight it’s time to hatch. I can’t tell you it’s safe out there, just that it’s time to go. The leaving is not easy. Exodus fulfilled by the use of one small tooth. This experience may or may not prepare you for the rest of your life, so much still depends on predestination and your attitude. I mean are you a chicken or a hawk? A peacock or dove? Or is there something of which I am unaware? Did someone sit on your nest or was it covered in sand? Are you turtle, lizard or snake? See, so much is out of your hands, but still your actions are your choice.


Touch your books and pet them.

*

Ovoid

I can pretend at this normal life for a period of time
then the plaster starts to crack on this white picket fence
and it’s all down hill from there.

I am better than I was;
I am happier and more well adjusted,
yet I am still far from fitting with the standard fittings,
I am an off size, my threads run counter to the average fixture,

I spent too much time on the rack
to resemble anything from off the rack.
It’s not that I am so special;
it is just that I am Special Ed.

Performance anxiety and paranoia regularly take me out of round
though even with these kept at bay I am not your normal nut.
I assure you that you can dress me up and take me out,
just don’t try to take me home.

[DMW]

My name is...************ and i am an alcoholic. Thank you all for sharing. I am only going to say a few things because i am not as spiritually fit as i need to be...a little self will run riot... And i fear posting,in general, for different reasons. Also, need more coffee.

There is a whole chapter in the book dedicated to the concept of ...basically, the separation of AA and the church or temple or what have you...for a reason.

We Agnostics.
Not everyone has a spiritual experience.
Not everyone believes in a higher power.
It is a power greater than ourselves.
Acceptance is the answer. And by not accepting people that don't have that experience or don't believe in God...is actually...well, i consider that limited and closed minded. I don't think that many people realize how they frighten people away from the rooms because of the God thing. God is written all over the book and in the steps so that is enough for some people to handle.
It is funny...i pray for them to see the light...
And i have to accept them.
Spiritual progress and fitness comes from many different places. Not just God.

In my experience, there are new people that would come and they do run away thinking that the program is not for them... because of some insistance that God be included in each person's process.
I have had similar experiences with new comers and trying to share that sobriety doesn't have to come from God or a higher power. I would introduce and try to share that as quickly as i could so they wouldn't have to listen to more religion. Just to... maybe give them hope to come back and then listen to what they had to say. And they would come back. It was always a nice surprise when the would. And they would find other people like themselves.
It starts with the first step. Try to keep it simple.
Heck, my higher power when i first got sober was a water bottle and then i found chocolate. And on some days...i need it to stay sane.


Femmsational, Maybe you could start a new meeting there. A big book meeting.
Or, suggest reading we agnostics in the meeting.
And also, it only takes 2 people to have a meeting.
I think you are doing a good job. And you do matter there. Just remember that.

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 18

SMARTS



Intelligence should be used as a tool not a weapon. Intelligence is as common as silica and can be used to do anything, so, why not as a helping hand, lifeline, foothold? Intelligence doesn’t preclude ignorance, arrogance or stupidity. Nor does it eliminate selfishness, greed or anarchy. Intelligence is not a substitute for wisdom and cannot hold a candle to kindness. Intelligence makes things possible, help and hurt; intention makes the decision. Intelligence is like a hand full of sand.


Pair your books for companionship.
*

Buffoon


Never juggle knives and butter at the same time
or you will just spread your problems around.
Passing on the knives is the first best idea,
leaving the butter in the dish is the second.

I have gotten many funny schemes into my brain;
gotten them in with ease,
it is the getting them out of my brain I struggle with.

Crowbars and coercion have been my favored tools;
ineffective though they may be, I am persistent,
while wishing to be dexterous.

It took me years to realize the problem with juggling is
that it begins with me throwing things
and ends with disaster if I can’t catch it all.

What slips through my fingers
through daily living is hard enough
what I throw into the fray for showmanship is, too much.

I needn’t be the fool flinging my pins
when my goal is to stay on them.

M'name is Daktari/Scooby and I'm an addict-alkie.

Apropos HPs and religion in the rooms.

Yanno, I think folks forget where they came from and what it's like to be in that place that brings us to the rooms in the first place. We were all new and clueless about the programme at one time. Folks get complacent too. Then there's the real kicker, addicts tend to be control freaks and think their way is the only way...I love the imperceptible sharp intake of breath when someone even voices that there might be ways to stay clean and sober other than the fellowships - shock, horror! Devilment makes me utter such at times

There has always been and will always be newcomers who will run screaming for the hills the minute a Higher Power or God is mentioned, they're looking for a excuse to run anyway, we can but hope that the seed was sown before they run.

Are you a group servant at the meeting you mention femmesational? A long time group member. If you are can you bring up this issue at a group conscience meeting.

You say it's a 'fad' in your area. Are there any other members observing the same as you?

Go you for trying to give those newcomers the alternate side of things from your point of view. You can but entreat them to try other meetings because not all meetings are the same.

You cannot 'save' anyone sadly. If only we could right?



Still thinking...

[LeftWriteFemme]

September 19

HUMILITY


A great woman walks my street everyday. She carries a tall walking stick with a loop for her hand. Each morning I see her low crown of hair and the half-smile, her friendly wave when I catch her eye. Each morning when I see her I see the secret play across her face, humility. This is the secret she cannot share. I know she would sing it from the mountaintops if it would help, but humility is not a secret you can tell; it’s a secret you have to live with. As I slowly learn this precious thing I see it shine in others. Recognition of the persons with inborn dignity and a keen understanding of their personal value lights inside me. When I see this fine woman walking with purpose, I appreciate myself better and am so very grateful for those who keep humility alive by living it.


Know your friends well and your books better.
*

Toolbox

I know just how hard it is to pick up the right tools.
It's like I know I have a hammer in the drawer,
in fact I have two, so, why oh, why do I feel compelled
to hit things with the heel of my shoe?

Trust and believe it is ineffective at best;
additionally it is embarrassing.
I wish I could say I have done this a handful of times,
unfortunately, I have done it over and over,
it’s hell on my shoes and worse on my morale.

Using what is at hand or foot may seem practical,
but it is not prudent.
Walking myself through the step by step process;
reading and following directions is easier
but only when I disengage the lie that says it’s harder.

[Dance-with-me]

Hi, I'm Dance, and I'm an enabler. Not a Friend of Bill's in the classic sense, but started attending Nar-anon thinking that my junkie step-daughter was the source of all my problems and finally learned that the problem was me -- and not that I was even enabling her, but that I'd spent 11 years enabling my ex/her mom to make my step-d's addiction the the only thing that mattered. I am a completely changed person now that I'm learning that I cannot fix or control anyone else's addiction - whether that be an addiction to drugs or an addiction to fixing an addict no matter what the price or consequences. I'm also addressing my own addiction to fixing damaged people. And I have to say that it's a HUGE relief after a lifetime of being the Fixer to be able to really see that it's not my job to fix or save anyone.

[femmsational]

Originally Posted by Daktari

M'name is Daktari/Scooby and I'm an addict-alkie.

Apropos HPs and religion in the rooms.

Yanno, I think folks forget where they came from and what it's like to be in that place that brings us to the rooms in the first place. We were all new and clueless about the programme at one time. Folks get complacent too. Then there's the real kicker, addicts tend to be control freaks and think their way is the only way...I love the imperceptible sharp intake of breath when someone even voices that there might be ways to stay clean and sober other than the fellowships - shock, horror! Devilment makes me utter such at times

There has always been and will always be newcomers who will run screaming for the hills the minute a Higher Power or God is mentioned, they're looking for a excuse to run anyway, we can but hope that the seed was sown before they run.

Are you a group servant at the meeting you mention femmesational? A long time group member. If you are can you bring up this issue at a group conscience meeting.

You say it's a 'fad' in your area. Are there any other members observing the same as you?

Go you for trying to give those newcomers the alternate side of things from your point of view. You can but entreat them to try other meetings because not all meetings are the same.

You cannot 'save' anyone sadly. If only we could right?



Still thinking...

Control Freaks???? I have NO idea what you're talking about.....hehehe.

I know without a shadow of a doubt we can't save anyone, let alone everyone. It's a personal journey and we, as long time members can only show how it works for us. It's up to the newbie to do the actions they need to in order to work THEIR program. But holy HELL it's sad.

I think the problem I'm having is that I'm used to a different type of meeting. When I got sober, I got sober in the north east, New Jersey to be exact. They didn't play. The old timers told me how it was and nobody patted my head and told me everything would be ok. I had it drilled into my head that...yes, you will in fact die. You have a disease. It is fatal. It's a disease of the thinking....blah, blah, blah. You've all heard it before. But they also showed me the tools I needed to LIVE. It was all about the steps for them so it translated to ME being all about the step.

During my 23 years in the program I've been to meetings all over the United States and in a few other countries. I understand that the "tones" of meetings are different in different regions. I guess I'm comfortable in the more in your face approach because that was the only thing that got through to my crazy brain when I first got sober. When I first moved to Alabama, I realized that it was way different here. I kinda distanced myself from most service work because I really had a problem with the whole god approach down here. I've been around the meetings down here for a couple of years and I have not gotten involved like I normally would. Still working my program. Still an AA Nazi (excuse the term, it's what people call me) But I can't seem to be involved in this area because it allows me to form resentments and that will kill my ass!!!


Yes, the "gasp" heard round the rooms. I always speak about my truth when the topic is a higher power or how it works for you. LOL!!! It's kinda funny the looks I get from the ones who think GOD IS KING!!! But holy cow. Isn't sharing all about talking about what works for you???


And the group concious meetings are mostly about what color to paint the trim at Common Ground and should we get one or two more trash cans. I don't want to create friction where it would do no good other than making me feel better. Cause really, it isn't all about me. DAMMIT!!!

I think I just needed to get this off my chest and the meetings where NOT the place for this particular spleen vent! Others see it but, over the years i've been here, they've kinda pulled away from the meetings because it wasn't feeling right for them either.

I do know that this is my issue and I need to put up or shut up, but.......hehehe.......Bitching about it helps too. And I do feel SO much better after getting it of my chest.


I just have to remember....."It's not all about me," and I'll be good to go.


Take care,
julie