Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[Electrocell]

Ok ladies have a ? maybe I'm a little out of date when it comes to dating. I usually bring flowers when I first meet a lady is this wrong?If I am meeting her for dinner at her place I bring flowers and a bottle of wine again am I am I out dated on this?

[imperfect_cupcake]

these days? I'd rather it not really be a date, to be honest. I'd prefer to just hang out and see how we get on as mates and if there's chemistry and attraction there. I'd like to talk before hand a bit to see where we both want to go, and the most important thing to me is how we get along, chemistry wise. Is there lots of laughing? banter? questions and curiosity? I'd like to be treated like a friend with possibilities. I don't want flowers, I don't want candy or stuff like that. I want you to be relaxed, confident, able to talk naturally, banter with me, and be totally honest like you would a friend - without fearing judgement. I don't want us on our best behaviour. I just want us to be very very realy about who we are. Still a bit hung up on a ex? Don't care. Tell me about it. Not for hours mind you, you'll put me into a coma, but tell me what you think and what you'd like to do about it.

I do webcamming work - I'll have told you a bit about that before we meet up - to put me through school. Don't treat me like a slag. I'm not. I won't bed you just because I can talk about sex easily on a camera. It's work and it's dull, don't fetishise me. Make jokes, sure, but the jokes should be about my clientelle (follow my lead hey?) and the rediculousness of the work, not some lame filthy bullshit I hear when I'm *at* work, you'll remind me of a service user. My job is convenient for study and half decently paid but very dull and a long shifts gives me headaches from having to be "chirpy, bubbly, smiley and up" and dealing with dickheads very swiftly with little or no reaction. I've got very thick skin and a very little tolerance for fuckwittery. But I have a very wicked sense of black humour, I love smart assing back and forth with people and I love a playful insult between friends. And I hope you do too. To me it shows intimacy, playfulness and ability to keep things from escalating past a certain point in debate.

I expect that to be there as a solid backbone - playfulness - especially if we decide to sleep together. I want our dates to develop as we do. I want romance expressed as a deep friendship and affection. We'll know how to express that to each other as we learn each other. If that happens quickly because there's shitloads of chemistry, I'm fine with that. But don't rush it. It should happen mutually.

[gaea]

Originally Posted by Electrocell

Ok ladies have a ? maybe I'm a little out of date when it comes to dating. I usually bring flowers when I first meet a lady is this wrong?If I am meeting her for dinner at her place I bring flowers and a bottle of wine again am I am I out dated on this?

flowers are nice and so is wine provided she isn't allergic to either of those and if she is well then substitute you know...ofos ways are impressive it means your thoughtful....and sometimes the best flowers to receive are the ones where someone hand picked them out weather at a florist or a garden or what have you...

just my opinion.

[ScandalAndy]

I have to agree that I would prefer not to be asked where I want to go if I've been asked out. If I take the initiative and ask someone out (it happens from time to time) I make sure to plan food and an activity, and leave some time after for hanging out/coffee if needed. I value creativity so someone that puts the time and effort into planning something I've never done before will win major bonus points.

The best date I've ever had was when they picked me up from my house, brought me a pretzel they had made that said E=mc2 and two little beaker-shaped ones (i'm a biologist), opened the car door for me, and we got ice cream down the street from my house which we took to a little park nearby and looked out over the river while we talked. I never stopped to think about how little the whole thing cost until just now, lol!

[thedivahrrrself]

I've had great dates both with and without money. Museums are cheap, parks are free, and those are two of the best date spots in the world! A fancy dinner can be presumptuous, especially if neither of you would normally eat there, then it can actually be uncomfortable.

The point of a date is to get to know someone, not to impress them!

That point cannot be stressed enough.

The best date spots are places where you both feel comfortable enough to talk, in a place that is not too noisy for you to listen. That's all dates are really about.


Save the expensive spots for later dates. The first date should be about the conversation.

(IMHO)

[thedivahrrrself]

And normally, I'd say no to flowers, but truthfully, they are starting to grow on me.

I still hate roses.

and carnations

[Bèsame*]

I used to think flowers were a waste of time and money. Why? They didn't last long they die. Perhaps as I've gotten wiser ( not older, of course!), I really am tickled when I get flowers. Maybe it was a materialized feeling, thinking I didn't need flowers, cause that was the norm. Now, I love the fact, there was a thought, a reaction, and the EFFORT involved. That is what I love the most. The feeling of receiving at that moment lasts longer, makes me smile all the while I see them, long after the gift of flowers were given.

[*Anya*]

Just treat me the same way you want to be treated!

First dates for me are always a meeting at a coffee house for coffee-dutch, of course. When we make arrangements, I always suggest either morning or afternoon. Never a fancy dinner at a restaurant. I like to keep it low-key with minimal expectations for either of us.

If I don't feel a connection for any reason, it is easy to keep the date short and sweet and be on my way.

If there is any sort of connection, we will know it and can take it from there to arrange other dates.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Uniqueswtfemm

I used to think flowers were a waste of time and money. Why? They didn't last long they die. Perhaps as I've gotten wiser ( not older, of course!), I really am tickled when I get flowers. Maybe it was a materialized feeling, thinking I didn't need flowers, cause that was the norm. Now, I love the fact, there was a thought, a reaction, and the EFFORT involved. That is what I love the most. The feeling of receiving at that moment lasts longer, makes me smile all the while I see them, long after the gift of flowers were given.

I was never too impressed with them, but lately I've seen some more exotic varieties that are really stunning.

I'm starting to think it wasn't the flowers, but the type of flowers that are generic and unimpressive.

[stepfordfemme]

Open the door for me.....its taken me years/and I still dont always let someone do this, but I think its a sweet gesture.

Smile. If you're smiling, its a good sign.

Let me pick up the bill from time to time, especially if you've A) travelled any major distance to see me. B) It was my idea.

Be creative. If you come up with a special date night, I'm probably going to love it. It really doesn't matter whether it's expensive or cheap, thought matters.

Try and sneak in the smelling (yeah I usually smell like something nice)/hand at the back/hand behind my chair/hand holding gestures. I love it.

Thank me for coming out. I will normally thank you as well.

Tell me I look nice if I do. Dress well. I don't mean fancy, I mean clean/put together/take a shower. A girl should not be able to take her eyes off you

I wish I could go on a date sometime soon!!

[lusciouskiwi]

I think what everyone else has written is great. It's hard to add anything else but one thing I will say - don't spend all evening talking about yourself. I want my date to ask me questions about myself - questions that show an interest in me and are somewhat thoughtful not some huge vague question like "How's it living in Asia?" Yeah, that was well thought out. It's not that I don't want to hear about you, I do, believe me, but I don't want a one-way conversation that only consists of me asking you questions about yourself and you never returning the favour. If you can't be bothered to learn a bit about me, then don't bother me.

I think for the first, where ever it is (the park, a restaurant, the beach), I want it to be somewhere cosy and relaxing where we can easily talk. Mind you, that doesn't mean we couldn't go to a concert, but you get the general drift right? I want to feel that you want to get to know me and I want to get to know you.

I'm not used to having doors being opened for me so you'll have to stay on the ball. I'm not used to being fussed over so please, be patient. Just show me that you're interested in me and I'll show you the biggest sun-shiny smile possible.

I thought of one other thing - even if we've been together for 10 years, I still want you to ask me out on a date.

[gaea]

Im not interested in all of your exes......at this stage in the game we would both be single and even though your exes are a big part of who you are there is no need to talk about them constantly.

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are every minute or so it gets ridiculous and id become bored quickly with your over sized self inflated ego trip if i think your good looking ill tell you that however that wouldn't be why i chose a date with you.....looks fail as we age however kindness, respect, integrity all the good stuff stays....given the fact that im 42 I would rather date someone with a heart full of respect over a good looking butch any day of the week.

how "hot" someone is has never impressed me at all.....period. It has been my experience that feeding someones ego on a daily basis has only proved them to be insecure with who they are inside.

I also don't need to hear how hot i am every minute either that too will bore the shit out of me....that would scream you have no brain or ability to have a real conversion.....or your just avoiding something all together. It would also fall on deaf ears, i know im pretty but i don't use that to boost my ego and i wouldn't want you to do that either.

If your interested in dating me then understand upfront i have 3 grown kids and 2 grand babies that light up my life and that family is most important to me.

ps the terms "you " and "your" are generalized words and not targeted for anyone here.

[jac]

Taking notes...

[imperfect_cupcake]

Im not interested in all of your exes......at this stage in the game we would both be single and even though your exes are a big part of who you are there is no need to talk about them constantly.

ah see... this is such a variable with people! I love talking about relationships. and love hearing about them. One ex and I *met* because we had both just been left by our wives. We spent a good 50% of our time together discussing what was going on with our exes and us, how we were coping, what we thought had gone wrong, omg they are driving me crazy, or actually I miss them (I am actually pretty empathetic about that), would we ever get married again, what about the kid (her step daughter)... and it was brilliant. we both needed it.

Then both of us needed some time on our own... during which she got involved with someone else. We then returned to our friendship and found out the feelings we had for each other were still there and pretty big. I think because what we had done/built was based on friendship and support and wasn't about anything else but that... and there chemistry was still there. We talked about what to do after trying to ignore that for a while - should we get back together? She had feelings for both of us but the girl she is with just gave her a greater sense of stability, which she really needs. I was broken hearted but because I know her quite well, understand her needs, respect them and actually love her as a person/friend, I "got" it. She really does need a lot of stability, and no, I couldn't give her that level of it, unfortunately. And I think her lovely gf probably has more patience than I do. I adore her gf too.

Throughout everything we've been exceptional friends. Even when fighting she'll text me every day to see how I am. She's never lied to me. She's never abandoned me.

This is a big lesson for me. It's taught me that actually... if people are sorting things out? It's ok. And because she and I talk every single day, she's almost like a weird kind of brother to me, I love her to bits, I do talk about her a lot. Just like I talk about Eve, my flatmate and very close friend, a lot because they are in my daily life - they are my family on this continent, 5000 miles from home. And I love them both. And whomever is interested in me is going to hear a lot about them.

So I prefer for people to tell me their stories about their relationships and things in depth. I love hearing their take on how it went, what happened and how they feel about it now. I'm an Extrovert with a big "E" and therefore I need to vocalise my inner thoughts and bounce them off other people in order to process them properly. If things stay in my head they rot. So I equally love people who tell me *everything* and the why what where when about it. And invite me to have a conversation with them about it. Like I do with mine. Circle things, draw lines under others, arrows, stars and notations. Fabulous.

As for flowers... hand picked. wild flowers. But really, not early in the friendship when we are just hangin out. Maybe if you know I'm feelin like crap that day (exhausted, down, crabby) and you swing past to ask if you can get me anything, bring me some hand picked flowers from the roadside, I'd love that.

I dunno, dates. I went on them with my wife even after being married but I don't really want to "date" anymore. If that makes any sense. I just want to hang out as friends and if there's a ton of chemistry, we'll take it from there.

I think I just can't deal with the frame of mind of dating anymore. I just want to do things I'd do with my friends. I want an important friendship that goes somewhere with good chemistry. The thought of going on a "date" just makes me feel exhausted.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by gaea

Im not interested in all of your exes......at this stage in the game we would both be single and even though your exes are a big part of who you are there is no need to talk about them constantly.

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are every minute or so it gets ridiculous and id become bored quickly with your over sized self inflated ego trip if i think your good looking ill tell you that however that wouldn't be why i chose a date with you.....looks fail as we age however kindness, respect, integrity all the good stuff stays....given the fact that im 42 I would rather date someone with a heart full of respect over a good looking butch any day of the week.

how "hot" someone is has never impressed me at all.....period. It has been my experience that feeding someones ego on a daily basis has only proved them to be insecure with who they are inside.

I also don't need to hear how hot i am every minute either that too will bore the shit out of me....that would scream you have no brain or ability to have a real conversion.....or your just avoiding something all together. It would also fall on deaf ears, i know im pretty but i don't use that to boost my ego and i wouldn't want you to do that either.

If your interested in dating me then understand upfront i have 3 grown kids and 2 grand babies that light up my life and that family is most important to me.

ps the terms "you " and "your" are generalized words and not targeted for anyone here.

I could have written this. lol

The moment someone starts up with all the ex drama, especially the sad story about how she ripped hym off and left hym with all this credit card debit blah blah... I mean it could have happened, I just don't want to hear about it on our date. I am the center of the universe! Nothing happened before or after me. lol

Ditto on my family. If you want to date me then you'll have to be ok with it because my granddaughter is around a LOT.

I enjoy being treated special. Someone who has taken the time to understand what makes me happy and what thrills me. They want to make me happy and see me smile. They enjoy watching me light up.

Don't show up empty handed especially when you're coming to my house and I'm cooking dinner. Don't show up with a bottle of boones farm. It tells me that you don't know me that well or that you've put zero thought into planning our date.

Don't bore me with stories about people I don't know. Your sister ex boyfriends sister's cousin who needs a fake leg and how awful your brother from another mother is to his dog. I DON'T care! omg this drives me nuts! Living in the south I am bombarded by small talk and it drives me nuts.

I better stop. lol- I'm a bitch and my expectations very high. If you want to date me your standards should be high too.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by gaea

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are

It's surprising to me how many people do this. They often do this early, before the first date. So . . . you know, no first date. But it's common. *rme* So funny.

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by gaea

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are every minute

*puke*

Instant turn OFF!

Why don't people get this? I am from California as well and have encountered this a lot too. As soon as this is brought up, they immediately fall off my radar![/QUOTE]

[Fatale]

Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself

I was never too impressed with them, but lately I've seen some more exotic varieties that are really stunning.

I'm starting to think it wasn't the flowers, but the type of flowers that are generic and unimpressive.

I'm with you on that one. Please don't show up with carnations!

[Bèsame*]

Originally Posted by Fatale

I'm with you on that one. Please don't show up with carnations!

Star gazer lilies and you can have me now!!

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Uniqueswtfemm

Star gazer lilies and you can have me now!!

Stargazer lilies and you will be taking me to the ER on our date because I will be wheezing and having an asthma attack.

Careful with the flowers until you know if someone is allergic or not...