The Femmes That Love You...

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Kent

I thought we were gonna have some femmes come in and love on us..

You've got to EARN the love, cowboy.

This is an excellent conversation - thanks for bumping it.

(and I'll say in advance that I am tired, loopy from some Benadryl, I'm responding from my phone, so please excuse any nonsensical meandering rambles, typos, and weird auto corrects.)

I ID as a queer femme because I find myself attracted pretty much exclusively to very masculine butch's or trans guys, and not at all significantly attracted to more feminine or androgynous women - or to cis-guys. I have attempted at times to explain it or even just understand for myself, but really it just is what it is.

But when I have dated transmen in the past, and it definitely brought up in me some of the same issues that some of the other femme here have mentioned, especially in terms of the invisibility I face as someone who is queer. My own identity is never defined by my relationship to someone else, but at the same time, what I lose when dating a transman is the ability to just be myself and automatically be out about my own identity. When someone who looks like me discusses the person I'm seeing using male pronouns, and walks down the street with somebody who is coearly male, the only way to be out about my own identity is to be very deliberate about coming out - i lase the option of being out just by being myself.

But at the same time, I would absolutely respect my lover/partners/whatever's choice to notrelative as trans or with relating to him as simply male and not as trans.

There are just no easy answers for this, because of course I have just as much right to maintain and be clear about my own identity as any Transguy has a right to be clear about his own identity.

So I'm just really curious. This question is for the post transition guys who identify only as male and not as trans, and who completely pass as male. In what ways (if any) do you feel completely comfortable supporting your femme's assertion of her own queer identity. And in what ways would you like to see her handle the questions she would receive from her friends, community, family, coworkers, about why after so many years she has chosen to date/be partnered with a guy?

Please give your answer from the standpoint that your femme is 100% excepting and respecting who you are and how you identify.