Unconditional Love... is it really unconditional?

[hippieflowergirl]

a few years ago i had a conversation with someone so much smarter than i could ever hope to be who said he thought our job in life was to enter into certain "unconditional contracts" with the Universe, contracts whose purpose was to teach us what we needed to know. the conversation took place over several days but when it was over i was hooked on his idea.

most days i suck at being part of humanity. i dont understand how it works or how to fit in. i dont always feel a connection to the contracts i chose (unconditional acceptance, unconditional forgiveness, and unconditional love) but it's not the choices themselves that make me uncomfortable. i do that all on my own by making countless mistakes. but i never feel like i can go wholly wrong if i hang on to my agreements...even if i'm hanging on by my fingernails.

i know people who dont think it's possible to live unconditionally but i think they mistake "unconditional" with being a door mat and/or with altruism. but i never said living unconditionally meant someone could walk all over me and i never said i didnt get anything out of it.

unconditional acceptance, forgiveness and love are the easiest things in the world. they're just choices. all of life is simple. it's the things we try to "do" rather than our efforts to just "be" that cause the confusion. and then it's easy to give up too.

maybe we just need to keep choosing...not just once a week or every day...but every minute...every breath.

(shrug) sorry i'm just rambling like an idiot. i'm tired.

i like the freedom my three contracts give me. i like how much less complicated life became once the choices were made. the one stumbling block i run into from time to time is applying that same acceptance, forgiveness and love to myself.

[KayCee]

I believe the greatest form of unconditional love is between mother and child.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by hippieflowergirl

a few years ago i had a conversation with someone so much smarter than i could ever hope to be who said he thought our job in life was to enter into certain "unconditional contracts" with the Universe, contracts whose purpose was to teach us what we needed to know. the conversation took place over several days but when it was over i was hooked on his idea.

most days i suck at being part of humanity. i dont understand how it works or how to fit in. i dont always feel a connection to the contracts i chose (unconditional acceptance, unconditional forgiveness, and unconditional love) but it's not the choices themselves that make me uncomfortable. i do that all on my own by making countless mistakes. but i never feel like i can go wholly wrong if i hang on to my agreements...even if i'm hanging on by my fingernails.

i know people who dont think it's possible to live unconditionally but i think they mistake "unconditional" with being a door mat and/or with altruism. but i never said living unconditionally meant someone could walk all over me and i never said i didnt get anything out of it.

unconditional acceptance, forgiveness and love are the easiest things in the world. they're just choices. all of life is simple. it's the things we try to "do" rather than our efforts to just "be" that cause the confusion. and then it's easy to give up too.

maybe we just need to keep choosing...not just once a week or every day...but every minute...every breath.

(shrug) sorry i'm just rambling like an idiot. i'm tired.

i like the freedom my three contracts give me. i like how much less complicated life became once the choices were made. the one stumbling block i run into from time to time is applying that same acceptance, forgiveness and love to myself.

oh wow - well put and honest. I feel like I am always struggling to keep that connection. Life sure has many lessons but even with this my ability to love only grows stronger.

we are human, however the question really is "are we conscious?" we all have days we go through the motions and sometimes its easier to ignore than deal with something. BUT you're right, considering our actions often, making it muscle memory, part of us, this clearly defines us. No matter how hard the truth is some humans are incapable of unconditional love. Its just something they can't wrap their heads around and probably not their fault.

love is a microcosmic evolution within us. our expression and the love we project feeds the collective. the moment we begin to understand this our world begins to open.

[Diva]

I have only known 1 person in my life who could love ANYone unconditionally.....that was my Mother.

I should BE so wise.

[Soft*Silver]

the only person on this earth I love inconditionally is my daughter. And she has seen fit to make me prove it over the years...laughing. From the moment that old soul was placed in my arms and I looked into the face that had just seen God, I knew I had nothing to give her. I was a woman spinning out of control in her life, drinking way too much, avoiding all the baggage from my past and was married to someone I didnt love. In her lake blue eyes I saw myself...and that Self of hers was so pure and divine, that I instantly resonated....

it took me many years to untangle the mess i was in but I did it. I did it to be worthy of being her parent. I wish I had done it before hand but honestly, I hadnt known that kind of love until she Saw me.

Now, it matters not how she behaves, or what she says, I love her. And she has done and said some pretty bad things over the years, but then again, sometimes I deserved it and other times, she just needed an emotional punching bag. I didnt stand to be that, and stepped out of the way, but I loved her regardless.

Now we have an incredible relationship. And her eyes are green now, not blue. But when I look into them I still see God and I see my connection there.

Loving someone unconditionally isnt about letting them treat you like a doormat. Its simply about loving them when and especially its the hardest time to love them...without losing yourself in the process..

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by softness

the only person on this earth I love inconditionally is my daughter. And she has seen fit to make me prove it over the years...laughing. From the moment that old soul was placed in my arms and I looked into the face that had just seen God, I knew I had nothing to give her. I was a woman spinning out of control in her life, drinking way too much, avoiding all the baggage from my past and was married to someone I didnt love. In her lake blue eyes I saw myself...and that Self of hers was so pure and divine, that I instantly resonated....

it took me many years to untangle the mess i was in but I did it. I did it to be worthy of being her parent. I wish I had done it before hand but honestly, I hadnt known that kind of love until she Saw me.

Now, it matters not how she behaves, or what she says, I love her. And she has done and said some pretty bad things over the years, but then again, sometimes I deserved it and other times, she just needed an emotional punching bag. I didnt stand to be that, and stepped out of the way, but I loved her regardless.

Now we have an incredible relationship. And her eyes are green now, not blue. But when I look into them I still see God and I see my connection there.

Loving someone unconditionally isnt about letting them treat you like a doormat. Its simply about loving them when and especially its the hardest time to love them...without losing yourself in the process..

OMG that made me cry. Our journey was close. My son is an adult now and we put each other through hell but we were always connected and very close today. It's hard for people to know that connection unless you're in it. Your desire to please you child no matter what. It's powerful beyond words.

[Isadora]

I love one person unconditionally. One.

[hippieflowergirl]

it took me a long time to finally fall in love. it wasnt easy to accept love for myself so i think i've always gone about finding it the wrong way and i hurt a lot of people in the process.

i've loved often and fortunately i'm still friends with those i've had long term relationships with, something for which i'm grateful. but i've only fallen in love once and that was the love that taught me what it was to be loved...or to allow myself to be loved...in return.

i always tried not to show weakness or ask for help. it was only when it was made clear that such revelations were expected of me that i understood that love was messy and ridiculous and sometimes confusing (but confusing only when i was getting in its way) and that it was okay that it be so.

i think unconditional acceptance and forgiveness and love requires us to be flawed and to not hide that fact the way so many people do. love isnt blind. love sees every flaw and oddity and mistake and moment of jackassery...and loves because of those things...because of the messy, ridiculous, confusing, unraveled parts rather than in spite of them. "in spite of" puts one partner in a "less than" place.

loving because of the struggle...loving because you can engage the struggle together...loving even when someone makes you so angry you cant see straight...that's unconditional. when love is more important than anger...that's unconditional. when love is more important than whatever false pride or moment of stupidity or lapse of judgment...that's unconditional. it doesnt mean that boundaries can be ignored or promises dont matter...it means that whatever anger or hurt or missteps there are dont have to overwhelm the reasons for loving.

no one comes equipped with this stuff. it's learning, learning that no matter how crazy a choice seems or how obvious a mistake should have been you still love without thinking less of the other because of those moments.

all anger is a "moment". all hurt is a moment. some moments are longer than others. but they're still just moments. if something is unhealthy or unsafe, we can accept and forgive (ourselves as well as others) and love...and then walk away.

unconditional love is always possible. always. because it's a choice. choice is easy. follow through takes more work...but choice is easy. once you choose, actively, sometimes with every breath...the follow through is easier too.

why would i deny myself the honor of sitting in the discomfort and pain and the heartache with the person i love the most? dont i want them to do that for me? we all want unconditional acceptance and forgiveness and love. when it comes time to step up and provide reciprocity...why should we find it so hard? it's just a choice. nothing can happen before we make the choice.

"unconditional" is just a way of breathing through the moments and of knowing that there is no mistake or misstep or lapse that anyone else can make that i cant (or havent) made as well.

* i was what you are, you will be what i am