Long Distance Relationships

[rustedrims]

I can see it is going to be tough but i am willing to work at this.The trust is already there and that is a big deal to us both.I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve waiting for the phone to ring knowing the conversation will bring laughs and things to think about.She is worth the time and effort and so am I.

[Greco]

Not for me.

Greco

[WolfyOne]

I think LDR's are workable to a point. Given time, however someone will have to give in and make a move. I think in the beginning, it's great getting to know each other and trying to figure out, if the other person is right for you. Short visits, long phone time, Skype, if you have it, texts and trust, all play a part. In my younger years, I did a couple LDR's and had to eventually end them because of being stubborn, neither I nor them would budge where moving was concerned. I eventually got tired of the weekend rides or flights. Now that I'm older and have a better understanding of myself, I wouldn't find it hard to move to be with someone I fell in love with...key words for me, fell in love. I have nothing that holds me to a particular place like I did when I was younger. And the stubborn in me is more laid back these days.

[Heavenleahangel]

I think, like some others on this thread, LDR's are do-able to a certain extint. If two people are interested in each other and want to commit in the beginning to give it a go, then there has to be an understanding that when the time comes, one or the other is ready, willing and able to relocate.
Of course communication and honesty are both key factors in the early stages of getting to know each other. I *thought* I knew someone before from our communication and they truly fooled me during our visits, but like my mama always said, "You can't hide crazy long!" and unfortunately I found out too late that they were not being honest and I had indeed been fooled.
I am still not against another LDR and I know I am fortunate to be in the position to relocate should Jacob and I be blessed to find someone and desire to be a family. Not everyone can do this.

[GraffitiBoi]

For those of you who are/have been in LDR, before you met the person in person, did you fall in love? I guess I'm curious if it's possible to fall in love with someone you met online, have emailed, texted, instant messaged, talked on the phone and skyped with?

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by GraffitiBoi

For those of you who are/have been in LDR, before you met the person in person, did you fall in love? I guess I'm curious if it's possible to fall in love with someone you met online, have emailed, texted, instant messaged, talked on the phone and skyped with?

No - it's not possible end of story. A relationship can, within certain parameters, be continued via those channels but it's not possible to fall in love over internet / Skype etc. There's a benefit in being grounded.

Can develop great online friendships and, in due course, that could help to build the foundations for "falling in love". Also, very possible to feel a strong connection with someone from online interaction.

However, actually falling in love with someone you haven't met in real life and you haven't looked into their eyes (Skype doesn't count)? No - it sounds like a longing to be in love and wholly unrealistic to me.

[GraffitiBoi]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

No - it's not possible end of story. A relationship can, within certain parameters, be continued via those channels but it's not possible to fall in love over internet / Skype etc. There's a benefit in being grounded.

Can develop great online friendships and, in due course, that could help to build the foundations for "falling in love". Also, very possible to feel a strong connection with someone from online interaction.

However, actually falling in love with someone you haven't met in real life and you haven't looked into their eyes (Skype doesn't count)? No - it sounds like a longing to be in love and wholly unrealistic to me.

I agree with a lot of what you said but I do have to disagree that "it's not possible end of story". I think it all depends on the individual and how they view relationships and love. My reply is based only on what works for me and I am in no way speaking for anyone else, or saying that you are wrong. I am only saying that I disagree.

I tend to avoid falling in love and do not long to fall in love. That being said, for ME to fall in love there needs to be an intellectual connection and spiritual connection that exists outside of the physical. This has a lot to do with my past and my life experiences. I do admit that I am a bit on the unconventional side when it comes to love and relationships.

I'm confused by what you mean when you say 'you haven't met in real life.' Online/phone/skype are real life. They are just not physically in person. They are all still very much real. If we were discussing meeting someone on an MMORPG and only knowing the character they portray, then yes, I would say you haven't met them in real life. The reason I say they are real is because several years ago I traveled for work. A lot. I was out of the country on business 3 out of every 4 weeks each month. The only way I could have a relationship was through online or phone contact. And I did. Granted, I was already in the relationship before I took the job, but having the forced online relationship actually brought us closer together. Since we couldn't be physically close we spent a lot of time talking about our hopes, dreams, fears, etc. It made for a much deeper connection than we were able to get being physically close (not referring to sex) during the previous 3 years. Like I said above, I need that intellectual and spiritual connection. If I do not fall in love with your mind and personality I will not fall in love with you. Physical proximity and closeness are needed, yes. But I can love someone whom I have not yet had the pleasure of physically meeting.

I do agree that physically meeting someone has a lot of value and merit and I know what you mean about looking into someone's eyes. But I still maintain that being in love does not rely on being physically present with the person. But again, let me reiterate that I am speaking for myself only and I know not everyone feels the same.

I do thank you for your views and I look forward to hearing others' views as well. And I welcome any dissenting opinions to my own. Disagreeing and discussing it is how we learn and grow.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

No - it's not possible end of story. A relationship can, within certain parameters, be continued via those channels but it's not possible to fall in love over internet / Skype etc. There's a benefit in being grounded.

Can develop great online friendships and, in due course, that could help to build the foundations for "falling in love". Also, very possible to feel a strong connection with someone from online interaction.

However, actually falling in love with someone you haven't met in real life and you haven't looked into their eyes (Skype doesn't count)? No - it sounds like a longing to be in love and wholly unrealistic to me.

i wholeheartedly agree with this. i did the long distance thing before Katrina but there was no way i could have made any sort of commitment until we met. We dated for a long while before the storm and i was displaced. No amount of long distance dating could have prepared me for who she really was. Too much can be hidden over the limited access that is LDR.

i believe it's way too easy for people to just omit the hard stuff while online and all you are left with is honeymoon visits and limited access, which is not real life, IMO

[grenade]

Originally Posted by GraffitiBoi

For those of you who are/have been in LDR, before you met the person in person, did you fall in love? I guess I'm curious if it's possible to fall in love with someone you met online, have emailed, texted, instant messaged, talked on the phone and skyped with?

Just as possible as my grandparents courting by hand written letter during WWII. They were married till they died. I'm not sure what looking into someone's eyes has to do with falling in love.... magic? What if said person is blind? No magic? No love?

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by grenade

Just as possible as my grandparents courting by hand written letter during WWII. They were married till they died. I'm not sure what looking into someone's eyes has to do with falling in love.... magic? What if said person is blind? No magic? No love?

Another case of semantics here. By looking in the eyes, I mean sharing close physical proximity and, certainly for those not of limited sight, I do believe that eye contact is important.

Certainly for me, I yet to fall in love with someone I haven't looked in the eyes and, subject to retaining my sight (I understand other senses probably come in to play more if my sight deteriorates), I'd be very surprised if this changes.

As for your grandparents? The discussion here is about falling in love with someone you haven't met. I don't know your grandparents' history but not sure if that applies to your grandparents or not.