If You Won the Lottery What Would You Do With the $$$$$

[Nat]

I dreamed last night I won the lottery. Sadly not the jackpot, but $5k. By the time I woke up, I had already paid off my Dell account with its sad 25.99% interest rate, paid off a third of one of my two credit cards and taken the two kittens in for their (late) first visit and a spay/neuter. It was a feeling of relief. Maybe it was just a relief to know that as little as $5k would solve the immediate problem of needing to get the kittens fixed, plus add about $80 back into my monthly budget. Even though I woke up to discover I didn't win, the feeling of relief stuck with me. Maybe there's a way to make $5k on the side somehow. God knows how, since my job exhausts me (though I love it.)

But today I let myself fantasize about winning the jackpot. I think that's the main fun in playing the lotto - to buy the fantasy for a few days time. And the powerball is up high enough now, that I can fantasize without the restrictions of a smaller jackpot.

It would be so very satisfying to pay off my debt. My total official debt load right now is $278k - though thankfully more than half of that includes two homes my ex-husband got in the divorce and for which I do not pay, $45k is student loans (and if I continue working for a non-profit or the government for the next 10 years, the rest will be erased under the public service loan forgiveness program) and the majority of the rest is my home mortgage. Only about $13000 are credit accounts - which still sucks but it could be so much worse. Oh, and my medical bills from my gallbladder surgery last year.

Anyway, to get out from under all that debt - including my ex-husband's mortgages - the sheer relief would be amazing.

Then to pay off M's debt would feel just as awesome.

Then to pay off my mom's and dad's debt - would make the world feel very clean and clear. And to set up a regular account for both my parents with weekly deposits for life.

And to pay off the rest of my family's debts/mortgages. And to get good, well-running vehicles for my sort-of niece, for M, for my parents, for my brother. To pay off my friend Shay's medical expenses from an early and unexpected and ongoing bout with congestive heart failure.

And to find my homeless high school ex-boyfriend (if he's still alive) and at least buy him a new set of eye-teeth.

Those are the things that would make me feel more like life was okay - the things money could buy.

And for the more selfish part - I would probably quit my job, spend a few weeks being pampered at some sort of spa, begin a regular diet of mani/pedis, laser off all annoying hair, get a new (old) house with some acreage and a lovely home gym, hire a professional organizer, an ADHD coach, a tailor and a maid. Buy organic happy food from ethical people, get some awesome therapy and further investigate the medical possibilities for restoring my sense of smell. And maybe go to dr. Amen's (rather controversial) ADHD clinic to get brain imaging done.

And I suspect I would spend a lot of time online, would donate to Bfp and go to all the reunions. And once all the mania of winning settled down, I'd probably go to grad school. For the pleasure of it. And get a useless degree. And maybe write. Heh.

And donate towards things that I'd like to donate to now: planned parenthood, hrc, that offshoot of the occupy movement that's buying up old debts and canceling them.

It woud be a grand old time.

I think the only hitch would be that (especially that much) money can amplify one's problems too - and alienate a person from friends and loved ones. I remember realizing one day that if I won the lotto, I would probably lose the friendship of my best friend no matter if I set her up well enough not to worry too much about work. But I lost that friendship anyway, so now I guess I could enjoy winning with less guilt. Heh.

So though not complete, that's my lotto fantasy of the week.