Long Distance Relationships

[SleepyButch]

Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself

From my experience, here are some common mistakes I see:

Sorry to pick on Sleepy here, but people who "fall" for someone before they meet have a high rate of failure in LDR's (IMHO). People don't represent themselves honestly all the time, and if you don't meet quickly, there's probably a reason for that. I definitely knew what I thought I felt before I met U, but I was afraid to say it, because it is hard to know what's real until someone is standing right in front of you.

People move too damn quickly. My friend Mel has a theory: people can hide their "crazy" for 18 months. JAGG has a similar theory. So, if you're thinking about moving in before that mark, well good luck to you, but I won't ever make that mistake again (did that with 2 local relationships - I'm a slow learner).

Make no mistake, LDR's are expensive. If you're not financially stable, I would not advise being in an LDR. I know that if something really awful happens, I can be here in about 48 hours. There's a lot of comfort in that, and there's a lot of uncertainty if that's not the case.


Anyway, if you like someone, go for it. Not all of us are lucky to live in an area with a vibrant B/F community, so LDR's become the best option. You just have to go in with your eyes open, know that like any relationship, you're taking a risk. Be smart and be safe, and above all, ENJOY YOURSELF. Just don't bring a u-haul on the second date.

It's okay if you pick on me.. I can take it. I have a different opinion of why those LDRs where people fall before they meet don't work. I don't think it's because someone fell for someone but that it is because "we" tend to jump too quickly into wanting to live together, get married, be together forever, whatever. While I believe you can fall for someone ahead of time.. I think what makes it work is continuing to get to know each other, communication, and honesty.

At this point in my life, I have a job where I can work anywhere in the country so I could move to be with someone and while that may happen some day, I am in no rush to do it. If the right person comes along, will I wait two years to move in together? I doubt it unless we are already living within a certain distance where we can see each other regularly. It may or may not work but I'm willing to take a chance if I think it's the right thing for me and the other person involved.

To each their own. I certainly am not going to doom someone because they've known each other for only two months and are moving across country to be with each other. I've seen those types of relationships fail and those types of relationship thrive.

My last LDR turned into a six year live together relationship after about three months of commuting back and forth by plane. I think if we would have communicated better over the years, that may have lasted but hind sight....

It would be interesting to hear from those of you who were in an LDR and are now living together happily. What made it work? Were there things that did not work and if so, how did you get around those things to remain happy?