Pride in a Small Town: A Musing on Visibility

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Nothing to fear

Jack and I moved to a very small town after living in Los Angeles. We have been in our small town in Arkansas for 6 months and I can honestly say that we have experienced no direct homophobia. Sure, I have seen exactly 2 bumper stickers since being here with the little "man plus woman equals marriage" symbols, but in all honesty, I saw those all over Los Angeles as well.

I would love it if my husband would come into this thread and talk about her experiences of living as a Butch here. She has a pretty unique perspective and has mentioned several times that she feels more comfortable in Arkansas as a visible Butch than she ever did in Los Angeles. Our friend, Niceguy, has said much the same thing and has lived here his entire life.
We have speculated that maybe country folks are used to seeing "tomboyish" women because of all of the women who do farm labor here or all of the "country girls" who wear camo and hunt. Or maybe its just that country folks do they whole "bless their heart" thing and move on.

Don't get me wrong, we have some damn ingorant fools here but my experience is that we have no more ignorant fools here than I have encountered in Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Baltimore, San Francisco (!), and even Seattle. You will find them everywhere, of course.

We had some long discussions in our house around the time of planning the Reunion for this reason. The idea for some that Arkansas is a bunch of "white racist homophobes" and that some folks might not feel safe. My honest experience, after having traveled all over the world is that for the most part, Arkansas (especially the Little Rock metro area and college towns) feels a lot like Portland, Atlanta, and even Austin on a lot of levels. It feels gay-friendly to me as a Femme, and Jack will tell you the same when she comes in here.

I can certainly tell a difference in the last 5 years after moving back here from Los Angeles. It seems like there has been an explosion of Gayness here! TONS of Pride events, clubs, churches, and organizations doing anti-oppression work and such. It's a noticeable difference in Conway as well. Just as an example, when Jack and I went and filed for the business license together for The Planet, the clerk didnt even blink when Jack asked her when they were going to allow Gay Marriage in Arkansas. I think her response was something like, "Well, we haven't gotten that far but we're working on it."
We have met tons of friendly folks who are inquisitive in respectful ways about our relationship, who offer stories of the other Gay folks that they know, and who are supportive of us as partnered Queers. Even the ladies who work at the convenience store where Jack buys her chew fawn and coo over us when we come in. It's like we're their Queerpets or something.

Not saying it's perfect. It's not. But it isnt the banjo-playing homophobia-Mecca that a lot of folks think it is. Every small town has its own flavor of course.

Thank you, Dusa! Actually, I think small-town folk get a bad rap about this overall. Enlightened, loving, open people live in every kind of place all over the world. And I wonder if we were to just go where we want to live and join communities, maybe things would change. Face our fears and liv e our lives! I know that I long for more quiet and simplicity. I miss the country life a lot. Frankly, sometimes the in-your-face activism here in the SF Bay Area is far too hostile and turns me off. So, what does it do to people that just have no experience with us? I want all civil rights for all queers, but, diplomacy goes a long way in getting things accomplished and forming coalitions of understanding.

It would be great to hear what jack experiences as a butch in your small town. I think there can be differences. I keep thinking about moving to a smaller, more rural area. I know i would want some kind of community around me, but I really don't care if its B-F focused, gay men, whatever. And hell, when I want to be with the numbers, I can visit SF! I don't know, I think aging has something to do with this with me. I just don't seem to have the same level of need for a huge queerdom around me anymore. Never been a large group person and prefer really knowing a few people as real friends instead of faux friendships-a-plenty.