Vulnerability, Shame and Courage

[femmeInterrupted]

Originally Posted by Hollylane

I have been told many times, that my ability to cry, and my openness in expressing my emotions clearly, are signs of weakness. That it is my softer, more sensitive feminine side that makes me unable to contain my feelings or tears. I've even had people say that because I was sobbing, and asked for a few moments, before continuing a conversation while I was emotional, that I was being hysterical. This brings back memories of the days when slapping a woman to stop her from crying was acceptable.


It pains me, when I witness someone that I love, or sometimes even strangers, who bottle their emotions, and are unable to express themselves other than through anger, defense, or denial, and feel shame if they are not able to maintain their defensive wall. They tell themselves that their ability to disconnect, hold back, and disassociate from their emotions, means that they are emotionally stronger.

Thanks so much for this great post. What you say about gender/femininity and being able to 'contain' your emotions ( like, who came up with that goal? the same people who advised women to 'lay back and think of England???) and the slapping of women's face for/and 'being hysterical'
( Even that word gets on my *last* gay nerve...)
Hyster : Greek for womb-- therefore Hysteria is 'a dis/ease of the womb" = Female behaviours. Again, relating emotions/reactions/trauma responses/grief as deeply gendered.

And yes, I also agree whole heartedly (but not with my uterus) that the ability to show and share emotion rather than stuffing it down, numbing it out, require a strength and grace that, for me, dwells in the realm of true character.
I often think how much time we need to spend "unlearning" so much of the damaging things we've learnt in our lives.

One of the best things I've done as a mother has been to encourage my son to embrace his emotionality, and share it, and absolutely NOT see tears as anything other than what they are: a natural response to pain ( or joy for that matter). Any kind of pain, mental, physical, emotional, etc) We cry because it's what we are supposed to do, it's that ongoing process of healing and recovery.