Too much honesty?

[blush]

Originally Posted by Girl_On_Fire

got this thread topic idea from another thread I'm participating in.

You often hear, "Honesty is the best policy" but is it really? Is there a such thing as too much honesty in a relationship?

Here's where I'm coming from:

I'm a person with Asperger's syndrome. Since childhood, I've always been incredibly blunt and I never quite understood the concept of "time and place". If something is wrong, I point it out and try to "fix" it right away before it festers like an open sore. That's the core of who I am. Now, having said that, I've learned recently about this thing called "gesturing". That, in order to be in a successful relationship there has to be a lot of what I consider a "special type of lying" in order to maintain that relationship.

For example:

• Arguments - Do you aplogize when you know you're not wrong?
• Attraction - Do you deny that someone or something else caught your eye for a just moment when asked?
• Sexual Satisfaction - Do you fake it or are you honest?
• Breath/Body Odor - Do you say something or live with it?
• Friends - Would you tell your partner if you didn't like one their friends or just grin and bear it?

Are you completely blunt and honest with each other all of the time? Is there a time when being too honest might seriously damage the relationship? Or do you think letting too many things "go" in a relationship will end up in a serious blow-up or break-up?

After an argument, we both apologize. Usually, one of us apologizes "more," but arguments never start in a vacuum. We both take responsibility for our part.

As to fleeting attractions, I don't really care enough to ask. I'm pretty sure he'd be honest, as I would to him, but its insignificant.

I don't fake. I'm too selfish.

I wouldn't live with chronic breath or body odor. I'd say something if it was constant.

I'd be honest about my feeling about his friends (we haven't had this issue), but try to be understanding.

As far as total and complete honesty at all times, in all situations, no matter what is a bit tiresome. I don't need to be told every morning I have morning breath. Its assumed I'll brush my teeth. If my favorite dress is a bit tight this month, I'd rather he didn't point it out. However, if my new dress makes me look like a Victorian lampshade, I'd want to know that.

In general, I think the key word is blunt vs. honest. Some couples can handle a lot of blunt, some couples can handle a little blunt. I think honesty is always good, but honest and tack is better. But I have a dear friend who thrives in her relationship because he tells it to her straight, no sugar. The objective is to find that right balance.