Friends of Bill W.

Congrats on your achievement and on reaching another day clean

[KCBUTCH]

I was in class today its about 4 weeks into the semester and we all pretty much sit in the same place so its not as if we aren't getting to know each other a bit, yet today it just so happened that my classmate notice my AA Medallion on my key chain hanging from my belt loop and asks how much time I had-I said 8yrs 10 months
turns out she has 5 years
looks like we are really everywhere

[KCBUTCH]

I just was told by my sponsor that my a FTM brother and friend was found dead in his apt on monday-
I recall I had relapsed 9 yrs ago and when I came back this friend Luc gave me a bracelete that said surrender on it- I hug it from my rearview mirror for all this time- it just broke about 2 weeks ago
I just saw him take a cake last week - so sad

[KCBUTCH]

I am saddened by the news of my FTM brother and friend of Bills died and the body wasn't found for days
But really breaks my heart was this was someone I admired and I just saw take a cake unfortunately I found out tonight it was a dirty cake and he died from what appears to be a heart attack from abusing his pain meds which apparently he had been doing fro some time- he took the cake last week.
It breaks my heart to think after all those years he he didn't die honorably or clean

[Bootsandheels]

Hi everyone, because of God and the amazing program of AA I just celebrated 12 years of sobriety on March 5th. I'm so grateful! I'm sorry KC for your loss! I had an ex 3 years ago who had 9 yrs sober and she abused her pain meds and went back out and is still out there as far as I know. Seeing her drunk for the very first time and go back out and stay out was excruciating. I'm so grateful I didn't drink and worked my program HARD when that happened. When I read your story earlier, I started praying and I will continue. Big sober hugs and love to all, Boots

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 16


Bad Acting

Because there never seems to be enough love in the world to fill the wound, my wounded self riots. At times the debauchery seems good natured enough, flamboyant yet without harm, at other times the disturbance is apparently violent and the issuing tumult a crime. All for want of wholeness and sanity I pursue shattered fractured activity just to keep from dwelling where I cannot live, where there is no air. I want land beneath my feet and full, full lungs; on my own I find neither of these and little else of use. Isolation even in a crowd is the tell tale sign that I am in the, me, myself and I mode of drowning in a teacup and require rescue. Little more than raising my hand above the surface and asking for help is needed though this is a Herculean effort as we all know. Rowing up stream is a bigger battle then it ever looks and I know the river runs through me.



Turn, turn, turn then rest


*

UNNECESSARY WORDS

I've spent years trying to put names on the streets in my 12 th step map post.
Clear signs with monikers easy to remember, themed and progressive
But I have been wasting my time, the map is there, no doubt.

I have seen people follow it to varying degrees.
The names are unnecessary, like ants, we trail each others scent.
We track so closely as not to loose visual contact, we don't play with our survival.

Or we are bees standing in front of the meeting
Doing the dance, which describes the path to sobriety
With meaningful jokes, and well earned tears.

As I stand at the foot of a few twenty-fours
And see the evolution of my recovery
I realize the names in the placards are ever-changing.

Meaning and value pour through the kaleidoscope of time
And come out as indescribable gifts, Which I can only give through action.
I will no longer fritter away my time looking for tags and titles

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 17

Suit up, Show up



I stand naked, paralyzed, unable to reach my intended destination or any destination at all. Goose flesh is no real motivation and I am reluctant to use the prod having only produced resistance and reversals with past applications of this weapon. Entreatment might work if only I could find the right one; then again anything might work if it were a fit. Covering my all-together is an action; taken judiciously it sometimes is all the arrival I can manage, taken disingenuously it precludes the chance for any further forward motion and may create set back or retreat. I should not attempt to hide fear with wardrobe though I can try to warm it. Façade building is best done with a bottle in tow
reality is best faced with a sponsor by my side.




Acknowledge pain, acknowledge joy


*

OLD BEARS

Cold and Despondent
Nothing comforts me like the bear of early sobriety

Bought on a day I thought I would shake apart
This fuzzy old guy has been a display item,
For many years now,
Tucked to the corner with the lace edged pillows and folded shawls.

Jittery and Sleepless
It's easy to panic.

I turn and see the amber eyes waiting for my embrace
His body clothed in a hand knit child's sweater made by a friend
The warmth of this snuggle is more than comfort
It is also the acceptance of loss.

Quelling the dramatic highs and lows of the beginning cost many things
And the depth of this is not lost in the moment.

Alone in my bed the passageways to the future appear to me
I must rest and then walk on
I cannot stall or simper, plain work is before me
And simple old bears a consolation.