Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 22

Clever Me

I am clever, I am so clever, everyone knows it and I know it, too. So, why do I get slam stuck on the very simple things required to keep my life running smoothly? I know what needs to be done, yet have no clue as to how to accomplish these threads of minutia. I stall; panic, plod, pout. When I do force myself to do it I end up creating either a new pile of impossible incidentals or some anticlimactic end, but secret solutions are as of yet undiscovered. The whip, the lash and the club avail nothing though sweet enticements do no better. I pray, “Dear G-d please help me!” but this has no point, I don’t want the help, I am afraid of the help, I am afraid of the change and of course who wouldn’t be? Beyond here lay someone I don’t know, someone I only fear, beyond here lay the fearless me and I am clever enough to be afraid of her.



Fill the potholes in your thinking



*

THE PROCESS

The mountains don't wash away like sandcastles
The amount of persistence required is far greater.
Acorns don't work like sunflowers
Not everything is instant gratification.

Marathons aren't run in seconds
If you don't love the whole adventure, pick a smaller goal
There is no shame in sunflowers or sandcastles or microwave popcorn
As long as you want it and hold it in esteem

Time-consuming, life-consuming journeys
Have a high price in boredom
And are not worth the consumption
If that is not where your heart leads you

You don't have to love washing the pans
To be a good baker
But it helps
Peace is in the process.

[nanners]

Hi, I'm new to this thread, and pretty new to this site, although I registered quite some time back, I only came back every couple months, so I really don't know many people except those I knew from BF Dance.

Long story short, I am now in recovery, for 2 addictions. OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and DA (Debtor's Anonymous) and attend weekly meetings and have a sponsor for each program. I'm glad to see this thread, and will probably post in it a bit.

Right now, my biggest struggle is going off sugar again (I was off sugar for almost 6 months, then had a relapse last month when a friend died that I had been taking care of, he was a using alcoholic and died from liver disease and AIDS). I am ready to dive deep into my program, starting at Step One again.

Thank you all for being here!

Hey nanners, welcome to the thread

[Sweetfeme]

I am in 2 twelve step programs and so grateful I have found this thread!!
Like one of the posters above I too am right infront of a big shift in my life, a huge release is about to come and I am scared to death of where it leaves me.
I am though also REALLY looking forward to it because I KNOW there is a GIFT on the otherside!!

Have a blessed day!!

Welcome to the thread Sweetfeme

I identify; I'm another who is facing up to mega change in my physical, mental and emotional landscape. Like you, despite being skeered silly, I'm pretty excited about what's to come.

Step 3 update:
What an amazing evening we had sharing of ourselves. We shall finish sharing the step next week. I'm so grateful that each time we do this stuff I learn more about Ms.Sponsorliscious and feel more able to trust her as we go along in the process.

Thanks again to Sherrie and all you who share your experience, strength and hope when asked to do so.

[DMW]

I was pondering regarding difficulties with step 3.
I remind myself the concept of " progress and not perfection"
I am not perfect...ego and self will run riot will try and convince
Me that I can be and that i am in total control of everything.
I am not really in control. Higher Power knows that I am not perfect.
Letting go of the idea and self will and control...is freedom from
The bondage of self.

Thanks for sharing All,
Gotta go to work.

[ManOMan]

Originally Posted by Sweetfeme

I am in 2 twelve step programs and so grateful I have found this thread!!
Like one of the posters above I too am right infront of a big shift in my life, a huge release is about to come and I am scared to death of where it leaves me.
I am though also REALLY looking forward to it because I KNOW there is a GIFT on the otherside!!

Have a blessed day!!

Ain't growth grand - LOL!

I've been able to get through a lot of very hairy stuff and still not pick up.
Have I done it all gracefully? Not! But that has gotten easier with time.

I'm grateful for my spiritual practice. Without my prayer and meditation,
my life would be very, very different.

[nanners]

I did it! I was abstinent from sugar all day yesterday, even through a sad time of my friend having to put her two dogs down...previously I would have stopped at a store on my way home and gotten something with loads of sugar in it and started eating it in the car before I even got home.

But, I did it...with ease....who know why some days are easier than others, but all I can do is thank my HP for that.

Have to get ready for my OA meeting now...

Have a blessed day!

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 23

Suddenly


Creeping realization has never been my experience with G-d’s handy work in my kitchen. I start out making a mess and I find in short order that G-d has made a meal; fit food for apt hunger. I could throw myself into the kneading and shaping, but without the yeast which is so freely given I have no bread; only a lump that will choke me in the end. Even my very own abilities are gifts I was incapable of offering to myself and are only found here in my possession through sheer grace. I have woken up with my face saliva glued to the table top far too often only to discover my Higher Power doing and I am grateful; for without that action I would be un-done.



Learn to live with the shadow of the moon


*


HOW RED IS RED

I check my color and contrast
I paint the setting sun
Add a bit of yellow
And fill to the edge burgeoning poppies

Add more blue and paint the blood
Which pools around my mind
The equalizer of all my mental conversations

Too much is never enough, as the story goes
I pursue my shades and signatures
Too much for the fingers and not enough for the toes
I disregard fraudulent crimson

I scale the mountains of intention looking for perfection
The leach of my addiction drains the other colors from my rainbow
My sponsor asks only one question
"How red is red?"

Originally Posted by nanners

I did it! I was abstinent from sugar all day yesterday, even through a sad time of my friend having to put her two dogs down...previously I would have stopped at a store on my way home and gotten something with loads of sugar in it and started eating it in the car before I even got home.

But, I did it...with ease....who know why some days are easier than others, but all I can do is thank my HP for that.

Have to get ready for my OA meeting now...

Have a blessed day!

There in lies the secret, you didn't do it alone, your HP gave you the tools to deal with...

No matter what, where I cannot we can!

Good going on 24hrs without sugar.

[Gráinne]

Way to go; I think sugar is really hard to stay abstinent from. It's almost culturally acceptable, even expected, to splurge on sweets.

Again, not to get off the subject, but sugars are very closely related on a molecular level to alcohols, and break down in the body to similar substances.

[Sweetfeme]

Originally Posted by Gráinne

Way to go; I think sugar is really hard to stay abstinent from. It's almost culturally acceptable, even expected, to splurge on sweets.

Again, not to get off the subject, but sugars are very closely related on a molecular level to alcohols, and break down in the body to similar substances.

You are correct! As well an addict is an addict. It is the compulsion, the cycle of addiction we can all identify with.

[ManOMan]

Originally Posted by nanners

I did it! I was abstinent from sugar all day yesterday, even through a sad time of my friend having to put her two dogs down...previously I would have stopped at a store on my way home and gotten something with loads of sugar in it and started eating it in the car before I even got home.

But, I did it...with ease....who know why some days are easier than others, but all I can do is thank my HP for that.

Have to get ready for my OA meeting now...

Have a blessed day!

One day can turn into two and then three. Stay close, stay prayed up.

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 24

Water Buddha


The longer on the river I am the less I fear the river. I still don’t know what lay ahead, anything may wait for me just around the next bend, but I fear this less and less. Experience is a great foundation no matter what you are building or in which direction. I’ve gotten my sea-legs, a sure sign of the mind cooperating with the realities the body is experiencing. I have learned to avoid some forms of trouble and anticipate fortune more often. Further on could be waterfall, ocean, dam; I will contend with any or all, come what may, for when it comes to riding the river I have learned the most important thing: I don’t need to push.



Be left, be right, be yourself



*

THE ORDER

I can't expect delivery if I haven't placed the order
I never seem to know what I want
Until after I have accepted something else.

I can remember thinking order meant procedure not procurement
Set the table, not end my hunger
I focused on rational intent and turned my face from desire

Assailing outcomes leads to disappointments
Asking for a hole to be filled may cause dumping
Not management or conservation

It's good to have a plan before signing the requisition
Please help me know who I am
So I know what I want

I can make a request and stop accepting orders of attack
Don't let me order the end
While I am still at the beginning

[LeftWriteFemme]

March 25

Two X’s


I play sport at the three X folks and their still sometimes skewed thinking. Yet, I attack myself for feeling like a babe in the woods. Old and wise should be my stock and trade by now though I find vastness at my door regularly and confidence struggles to peek in the window. What in the world will I do if I can’t perfect this stuff soon? Hopefully nothing as foolish as fretting or anything as mean spirited as accusation, possibly I could try reception. Truly this only comes in gift wrap and after twenty years I would hope I had learned to live in the present.



Think kindly of chickens if not of cowards



*

THE ORPHANAGE OF MY HEART

The orphanage of my heart hold many children of the past
They gaze at me
Fixed in an attempt to draw me near their needs

I scurry, often my head down, eyes averted
Not knowing how to offer comfort or consideration
To these hapless souls.

Fearing the largess of poverty
I decline to open my small purse
What could I tender
Other than a tease?

Nearly barren, in my heartbroken, disconsolate, inconsolable state,
I rarely even obligate myself to extending my hand
This is the pit of my idiocy

These wee ones have the world of hope and strength to give
I am their offertory
I am the place where their gold resides
They live inside me to fill me and bind me to life and light

I flee them in the height of misunderstanding
Disconnected from these inner spirits I am impoverished
And far too weak to grasp their help

I too fogged to see the world within
Starve in the world without