Trust and Technology

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

I still have never Googled anyone that I personally know- maybe a movie or singer star here or there.

With online dating, I always always always google people. I don't google my friends or anything, but I always google someone before meeting in person, just as a precaution. The one time I didn't, I got my car stolen, and a lot worse could have happened if one of my friends hadn't taken the time to check someone out I was dating and run them off. Turns out this person had physically hurt one person and stolen tons of money from another. I was lucky to have a diligent, nosey friend, and now I never skip the googling step. I don't care if it's weird to someone, you have to take care of yourself when you don't know somebody!

[Angeltoes]

Lol this is ridiculous...why are people not allowed to set the parameters of their own relationships without being called names? Think about this, there may be people who read this thread but decided to say nothing because they agree with password sharing but did not feel like dealing with personal attacks. Of course, everyone is entitled to voice their opinion, it just seems highly ironic that on THIS website some people are so eager to put others in a good or bad box simply because they think differently. What is it to me if someone else wants to share passwords or wear mismatched socks or eat cheerios for dinner? It means nothing to me. I may giggle at the things you do but I'm not going to try to tear you down for them. That's such BS. IMO it's mostly about showcasing and trying to tell the world something about how much cooler we are than other people.

My question is this: is everyone in this thread here to have an honest dialogue or is this the thread where we're supposed to bag on people who think differently? Because that in itself is a really 'creepy' form of control that I try to stay away from.

[Ascot]

My feelings about this piggyback something I addressed in another thread and that is that I think we ought not only have a rich inner, privately held life, but should be encouraged to do so. Just in the way I feel each partner should have their own set of friends with whom they do things from time to time without the other. Call me nutty, but I like the idea of retaining a bit of mystery. If I'm feeling insecure, I'll address it. If you don't trust me I expect you tell me. I'm not concerned with your missives, and likely you won't care that occasionally I might visit Martha Stewart's site. No password exchange necessary; it's not going to happen and it's got not one iota to do with the idea that I might have anything to hide.

[Sun]

If I get a sense that someone is being dishonest with me, I am out. So there is never going to be a need for me to want a password or any such thing (to me that would be a violation of her privacy). It is awesome to have friends and I think it is great if the person that I am with has a healthy circle of friends. I have to have trust in a relationship or I have nothing.

If I am getting to know someone and she is jealous of my friends, I am out. For me, friends are a rich part of my life and there is no need for jealousy, if I am really into someone, she is all that I see.

Honesty is a wonderful thing. It would be amazing if everyone were honest in relationships. Especially if they are starting a new relationship and still have lets say a live in partner, husband or wife that they decide to not disclose to the person that they are getting to know. If a person feels the need to read their partners emails, text, or whatever, that for me signals a train wreck waiting to happen.

[Sun]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Of course, everyone is entitled to voice their opinion, it just seems highly ironic that on THIS website some people are so eager to put others in a good or bad box simply because they think differently.

This seems to imply a higher moral or ethical code is assumed for people on "THIS" website.

As for "highly ironic" I am not seeing an opposition to any literal meaning.

Ironic.

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Lol this is ridiculous...why are people not allowed to set the parameters of their own relationships without being called names? Think about this, there may be people who read this thread but decided to say nothing because they agree with password sharing but did not feel like dealing with personal attacks. Of course, everyone is entitled to voice their opinion, it just seems highly ironic that on THIS website some people are so eager to put others in a good or bad box simply because they think differently. What is it to me if someone else wants to share passwords or wear mismatched socks or eat cheerios for dinner? It means nothing to me. I may giggle at the things you do but I'm not going to try to tear you down for them. That's such BS. IMO it's mostly about showcasing and trying to tell the world something about how much cooler we are than other people.

My question is this: is everyone in this thread here to have an honest dialogue or is this the thread where we're supposed to bag on people who think differently? Because that in itself is a really 'creepy' form of control that I try to stay away from.

I don't see much in the way of personal attacks on this thread. It does seem that the general consensus on the thread is that most people wouldn't want a personal relationship that included sharing of personal passwords and, by definition, sharing of a partner's personal communication with others.


I, for one, wouldn't be involved in that type of relationship. That said, my own parameters for relationships tend to be very different to most on this site - it's just the way it goes. My "right" isn't necessarily "right" for others - but, equally, their "right" is usually very wrong for me. We'll all adults and, if people want relationships with this type of dynamic of sharing passwords and the like, so be it.


It's not about "conservatives" or such like. It's simply the expression of personal opinions. Unless I'm very much mistaken, that tends to be a valuable component of this site.

[Library_girl]

Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself

With online dating, I always always always google people. I don't google my friends or anything, but I always google someone before meeting in person, just as a precaution. The one time I didn't, I got my car stolen, and a lot worse could have happened if one of my friends hadn't taken the time to check someone out I was dating and run them off. Turns out this person had physically hurt one person and stolen tons of money from another. I was lucky to have a diligent, nosey friend, and now I never skip the googling step. I don't care if it's weird to someone, you have to take care of yourself when you don't know somebody!

Absolutely! I have Googled people before a date, I have even Googled myself to see what pops up! What the hell, right? (Someone once told me that she checked the Facebook pages of job applicants before she interviews them! I won't do that.) And I will even admit that before getting very serious with someone, I did a half-assed background check. It came back sparkling clean, and I told her about it later. She thought it was great. This is not a trust issue--this is a safety issue. Unfortunately, the world we live in, combined with our own past experiences, have created these fears. I don't care if anyone thinks I'm extreme for checking or Googling someone. If I need to feel safe and comfortable about a situation, and there are too many unknown factors, then I do what's necessary. I don't do it every time. And I'm not judgmental or exclusive. If there is something that's a concern or a "red flag", then I'm cautious, thats all. If there is someone who is an escaped serial killer, then, well......probably not going on that date.

[DapperButch]

Sharing each other's passwords and such has never been a consideration in any of my relationships. We are separate, independent people, not an enmeshed unit. For me, asking for my password(s), would be a red flag with someone new.

[ValentineTomboy]

If you don't have trust in a relationship, why even be in it? I don't need your passwords, I don't need to share a facebook or email account with you. Are we a couple? Yes we are but we are also individuals with separate identitys.

[Nat]

Missy has my Netflix password. shhhh.

[Scuba]

Originally Posted by Nat

Missy has my Netflix password. shhhh.

I do share that Date night wouldn't be the same if I didn't.

[torchiegirl]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nat
Missy has my Netflix password. shhhh.
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Originally Posted by Scuba

I do share that Date night wouldn't be the same if I didn't.

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I'm ok with sitting on the tub for that one!

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[Gráinne]

I just saw an article today about this very issue. The consensus seemed to be: Don't, especially if you are in a new relationship or dating casually. Married couples, maybe and it depends on what it is. It speaks of a "hierarchy", such as Netflix on the very bottom, then Facebook, email, all the way up to financial accounts.

As for me, I can see doing this if coupled and using a joint bank account for household expenses. But that's about it. If asked, I would not give, and I wouldn't want my partner to give me hers.