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04-15-2013, 05:57 PM
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#1 | |
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I know labels suck, but since I'm working on trying to figure out who I am, I love them as descriptions. So my question comes from this scenario as written above "the way her arm encircles my waist when we are walking through a crowd." Now if my butch girlfriend did that to me, that would be hot! I'm having a hard time getting at what I'm trying to get at lol Being in a butch-butch relationship has turned up some threats to masculinity, like in pictures, she doesn't like it when I have my arm over her shoulder, because it makes her feel less butch. Well then I feel less butch. I'm sure this is why someone would question a butch-butch relationship, but its so worth it lol! I don't want to say I have a submissive side. I might, but it can't be considered feminine. I wanna know how other butches feel about these tight areas (if I have described it enough)...hopefully this is all still on topic take care[/QUOTE] are you saying that your girlfriend is the dominate one in the relationship? you can say that you are submissive, or have submissive tendencies, it's ok lol. own them! Last edited by macele; 04-15-2013 at 05:58 PM. Reason: because i can! |
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04-15-2013, 06:04 PM
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#2 |
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ok... i haven't been able to read but i have thought about it alot today... and this is just my opinion...
a Butch is a Butch when that is how they feel.... not ID... Male or Female ID butches feel the way they do.. it is apart of them... its the core values of what they believe... and its an aura... NO femme can miss... the confidence.. the way they hold themselves and the way that they treat their partner... this is just my thoughts..,.
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04-15-2013, 09:15 PM
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#3 |
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Timed Out - Identity Issues
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04-15-2013, 09:36 PM
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#4 |
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A Butch is whoever they want to be. Individuality is amazing and conformity sucks!
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04-16-2013, 05:17 AM
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#5 |
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are you saying that your girlfriend is the dominate one in the relationship? you can say that you are submissive, or have submissive tendencies, it's ok lol. own them![/QUOTE]
Funny we just got into it yesterday over this and my girlfriend said I make her feel like more of a femme, which is upsetting to her as a butch. I'm thinking it's due to my insecurities, because the second you try to 'pin' submissiveness on me lol, my mind goes "hey now wait a minute". Who knows maybe I just don't know how to be a dom. Or maybe I am submissive, or both...its going to be a freakin enigma to me for awhile it looks like. |
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04-16-2013, 05:26 AM
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#6 | |
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Roadster Guy
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Is it possible you both are consciously or unconsciously looking to have the "butch-femme dance", in your relationship, even though you are two butches? It seems like you both struggle with not feeling like "the butch" in the relationship. Can't you both be butch and just have your "own dance"? What about the butch-butch dance? My point is...get what you expect out of your head and just go with the flow...don't label it. Good luck.
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04-16-2013, 07:16 AM
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#7 |
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Is it possible you both are consciously or unconsciously looking to have the "butch-femme dance", in your relationship, even though you are two butches? It seems like you both struggle with not feeling like "the butch" in the relationship. Can't you both be butch and just have your "own dance"? What about the butch-butch dance?
My point is...get what you expect out of your head and just go with the flow...don't label it. Good luck.[/QUOTE] That is a good point-I think maybe unconsciously we do both get into these moments of the butch-femme dance. She does not struggle with her identity at all..."I'm Dee" she says. I still really struggle with how others see me, and how they will construct me in their minds. Just the other day I had some customer say I would look better with long hair. That to me is on the list of some of the worst things a person could say to me. I haven't learned how to roll it off my shoulder yet  I think my rationality is that if I fit a stereotype first, and be accepted, then I can relax into myself later but that is likely flawed I'm thinkin lol |
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04-16-2013, 08:51 AM
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#8 |
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Timed Out
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This is an interesting thread. I am not all that great with words I am better one on one talking.(not txting email or phone) But for me being butch I never tried to analyze myself. Being a mother & grandmother my main character trait is my protective nature. But when you meet me you know I have more masculine traits than femme. Yeah I have been mistaken for a guy plenty of times. It used to bug me but now I just chuckle or in a harmless way embarrass them. But I know they are already embarrassed but at least maybe now they will take the time with other people and pay attention to them. I love who I am and being butch is right up there with my native pride.
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04-16-2013, 08:56 AM
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#9 |
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birth makes a butch a butch ~ just my personal opinion ~
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04-16-2013, 09:00 AM
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#10 |
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My Pete is a butch because she says she's a butch.
She's my boy because I say she's my boy. |
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04-16-2013, 09:07 AM
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#11 |
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Just throwing this in there.....
For me and only speaking for myself.The circumstance that makes me feel most like a Butch is being in the presents of Pretty Femmes.Being around the ladies really brings it out for me.
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04-17-2013, 06:48 PM
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#12 | |
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time helps with learning about ourselves. most need to go through the labels in order to work it all out in our minds and hearts. we all are unique. you are your own butch. there's not another you in this whole wide world. keep what works, ... throw the rest back. |
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04-20-2013, 11:29 AM
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#13 | |
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i'm curious as to why it's about YOUR insecurities?
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04-20-2013, 03:03 PM
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#14 |
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Member
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hey puddin'. i meant to bold my text so that it wouldn't all blend. psykbutch is discussing insecurities. i do have them though lol.
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04-20-2013, 03:32 PM
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#15 |
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Scratch everything I previously said. Clearly what makes me butch is the fact that my bowling ball looks like an 8-ball.
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08-24-2013, 07:01 PM
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#16 | |
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Quote:
I've seen some posts in this thread that have suggested you and your girlfriend have some subconscious interest in the "butch-femme" dance. I don't really understand that, it seems to imply that some type of power dynamic equates a butch-femme relationship :: shrug :: In any case, I think you can also drop the assumption that one of you must be "submissive." There *is* such a thing as just being a bottom, or a receiver, all times, sometimes, or once in a blue moon. It doesn't have to "mean" anything except that you like sex the way you like it. You don't need to put a label on it. Lastly, you've mentioned a couple of times that you and your girlfriend may be incompatible when it comes to BDSM - I hope you find a way to work it out, to both your satisfaction.
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Stephanie "There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." Christopher Morley |
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