Able-Bodied Privilege

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

Yes, I get the differently-abled idea.

OK, on the infidelity thread, there was a post that bugged me in that it made a reference to illness and disability as a reason for someone to seek sex outside of the relationship. Obviously, the person was talking about a partner not having these issues at the start of their relationship.

What bothered me was 1) viewing someone with a disability or chronic illness as sexually defective.... Hello, there are many ways to have sex and I felt this was predicated on the able-bodied place of privilege that sexual activity can only be one way, the able-bodied person's way. 2) an inability to explore adjustments and adaptations for a partner. 3) Using a disability issue as an excuse to seek sex outside of the relationship. People are different about fidelity, so please do not think I am speaking about poly folks in a negative manner, I'm not. This is just one example.

I also have a close femme friend that has run into the other side of this- having people believe they are doing her some kind of favor as an able-bodied person having sex with her. She can see this sort a mile away and smacks their privilege right down, but this is not true for many other differently-abled women. She has also had more than one incident of drivers of Para-transit buses hitting on her, mostly with this pity-fuck attitude. All old farty men.. she's in her 20's and this is during the course of their work hours. Yes, she reported this. She is very attractive and quite severely disabled and has been since birth. She is also an extremely bright and articulate woman.. and enjoys sex. She has been sexually active in the same age ranges and frequencies as the rest of us. LOL.. I admit, I have to be careful and not try to intervene for her if it is not invited. She can take care of herself and does.

And oh yes, she deals with what One is talking about…. The complete denial of disabled people having a normal and healthy libido!

Does this help?

Maybe it is two different reading on one thing. I read and then re-read the post in question. I didn't read it the same way you did. I read it as an unfortunate fact that chronic/severe illness can cause so much stress in a relationship that intimacy goes by the wayside. It happens, and I am not sure that is able bodied privilege as it takes TWO to work on intimacy. Perhaps in some cases. I have more than a fair share of differentabilities. I have traumatic brain injury and have seizures. I've done a few years of chemo. It hasn't affected me too much. I have a great relationship with the hubby and we use humor to get through. (like i am a life sized vibrator).

I went to a Winter Ball recently and wow did they go out of the way to accommodate my wheelchair. I even had my own personal valet push me up the wheel chair ramp, and Toughy danced with me a did a strip-tease. My hubby sat on my lap and we slow wheeled rather than slow dance.

I have NEVER had the impression that a person was doing me a favor, but I have thought to myself that some people LOVE to pat themselves on the back for being so accepting. It makes me smile inside because they have no clue how transparent or asshatish that is.

We're all sexual creatures, no matter the ism we carry. Woof!

eta: i don't so much believe that able bodied *privilege* is a systemic problem. I think for the most part people don't know what they don't know. I try to educate whomever journeys into my path, and usually when I do we have a wonderful series of A-Ha moments OR they bury their head in sand deeper because it scares them in a *but for the grace of god go I* kind of way.