Misogyny and Sexism in the News

Soon · 05-15-2013, 01:31 PM

I had a disheartening conversation with a fifteen year old (bright) boy today.

As a class, we were discussing sexual assault/rape/slut-shaming and victim blaming. I brought up a recent story where a young woman in Nova Scotia--Rehtaeh Parsons--killed herself after being raped and bullied and harassed in its aftermath.

So, at the end of the class, student comes up to me and wouldn't stop with the argument...."If she was under age I could maybe understand (?) but

....she shouldn't have been there at the party
...she shouldn't have been drinking
...if she hadn't done any of those things, this wouldn't have happened to her..."

Of course, I try to to tell him the onus shouldn't be on women to have to monitor their behaviour in order to avoid/prevent women, and that her behaviour does not negate the rape. That the onus needs to be on men not raping and assaulting. However, he kept INSISTING, but but but if she hadn't done this and that. He was not able or could not (?) see that the discussion shouldn't be on what the victim did or didn't do, but that these men are committing a crime. I told him about consent and lack thereof with intoxication or being passed out, but he kept reverting to the "but if she hadn't done A then B wouldn't have happened to her."

Anyway, it was very frustrating. I am asking if anyone has an article or resource that is simple enough to maybe make him (and others?) in the class understand that the conversation shouldn't be about what these young women did or didn't do prior to being raped. The conversation needs to be about the rapists and raising men to not rape at all. Ever.

So, if you have something--a turn of phrase, an article, anything--that might help these adolescents understand that rape is not about a woman's behaviour, I'd appreciate it.

Sigh. I am still rankled by the conversation.

Thank you.

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05-15-2013, 01:31 PM	#15
Soon Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: attached Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 6,896 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,046 Thanked 13,094 Times in 3,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I had a disheartening conversation with a fifteen year old (bright) boy today. As a class, we were discussing sexual assault/rape/slut-shaming and victim blaming. I brought up a recent story where a young woman in Nova Scotia--Rehtaeh Parsons--killed herself after being raped and bullied and harassed in its aftermath. So, at the end of the class, student comes up to me and wouldn't stop with the argument...."If she was under age I could maybe understand (?) but ....she shouldn't have been there at the party ...she shouldn't have been drinking ...if she hadn't done any of those things, this wouldn't have happened to her..." Of course, I try to to tell him the onus shouldn't be on women to have to monitor their behaviour in order to avoid/prevent women, and that her behaviour does not negate the rape. That the onus needs to be on men not raping and assaulting. However, he kept INSISTING, but but but if she hadn't done this and that. He was not able or could not (?) see that the discussion shouldn't be on what the victim did or didn't do, but that these men are committing a crime. I told him about consent and lack thereof with intoxication or being passed out, but he kept reverting to the "but if she hadn't done A then B wouldn't have happened to her." Anyway, it was very frustrating. I am asking if anyone has an article or resource that is simple enough to maybe make him (and others?) in the class understand that the conversation shouldn't be about what these young women did or didn't do prior to being raped. The conversation needs to be about the rapists and raising men to not rape at all. Ever. So, if you have something--a turn of phrase, an article, anything--that might help these adolescents understand that rape is not about a woman's behaviour, I'd appreciate it. Sigh. I am still rankled by the conversation. Thank you.