PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Andrew, Jr.]

Tony,

I am so very sorry about having to go to court. Crap. PTSD is a rollercoaster.

I was wondering if you can go talk to someone before going to court. I think it would do you a world of good. Plus it would be of help afterwards. Do you know of any places where you can inquire about this?


Jen,

I am hoping you find your inner peace and strength right now. I think we all need it sooner than later.

Everyone here is in my thoughts and prayers.

Andrew

[Canela]

Hi Everyone;

I finally have some time to post again...I have been so busy and truly I have been blessed...so why do the depression symptoms try to rear their ugly head in my life these days?

I've been going thru some bad flashbacks lately, because my ex is trying to convince me that I should be with her/go back to her, all the while I am in love and happy with my hunny...it makes me feel weird and dirty but some tiny lil piece of me is happy that she wants me still. Why do I think that its happy? I think it's just an old and familiar. This relationship was extrememly dysfunctional, it was a TPE relationship without us even being a BDSM couple. I never knew I had given up total power to her. It was the worst 16 years of my life, being treated like a slave with no rights, no say...I don't tell this much because I don't like to revisit it. (It has taken the better part of 6 years to "deprogram" me from this control of hers.) I know its wrong, I know its not an option, going back to her is like taking 1000 steps backwards...and so, I am caught in this sort of auto pilot mode...I keep going thru my days, not always emotionally present and trying not to let this touch me...but it makes for a very difficult moment, then my days are delayed or not as filled because the depression, until I can overcome it and move, takes precedent. I am doing everything I can to push it off me, praying and trusting in God, calling on the holy spirit to inspire and motivate me, energize me and get me out of that place in my head and heart I am at in those moments.

I don't know if this makes sense, I just needed to vent, I needed to share and I needed my friends. I hope you are all overcoming, because we all deserve better. My head and heart and life knows this. But some days, nostalgia gets me and I allow it...damn those bridges of madison county! I need to remember that it's only once a year I'm allowed to do that.

My aunt is doing better, she is in a rehab facility now, my family is wonderful, and my home is all organized and clean and very comfortable. Work is taking a beating with everything I am going thru--have been doing in my personal life--but I am hoping I can get back into my stride and be productive, once again.

Love and blessings to all.

Shug

[Apocalipstic]

I am so sorry this is happening Shug! Is there a way to distance yourself from your ex? I get being glad she still wants you, but it seems to be dragging you down? I am thinking about you and sending you happy vibes!!!!

Or maybe it's the pollen....or who knows what can set off depression. Logically things can seem so wonderful, but underneath the pain and anger simmers.

Sometimes It is hard to know what will set me off. I am considering another psychiatric visit if I don't feel better.

I love you guys and am so thankful we have this place to vent and share.

Hugs all around!

Jen

[TenderKnight]

(((((((((((Shug)))))))))))) sending you some positive thoughts and hugs.. I can relate with what you are going through, as I'm sure a lot of us on this thread can. I agree with Jen.. Is there anyway to set some bounderies or distance with the ex? I was in a simular situation a few years back.. I had an on again off again thing with this woman and it complicated my r/t relationships to no end. I loved giving my power over to this woman, even though she didn't really want it in the way I was giving it.. *shakes my head* Haven't been in contact with her for over three years and I still think about her sometimes. The head and the heart are weird things sometimes..

Wishing you the very best in this process.

Andrew, yes, I am going to ask my sponcer to come with me.. He has been part of my life for over a year and I trust him with everything.. I'm very grateful to have him. I will also be looking into some therapy soon.. I know that I need it, but part of me keeps putting it off. I think that may be some depression stuff coming up.

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) To everyone on this thread.. Hope today brings you a little light and warmth.

-Tony

[Apocalipstic]

It is natural to think abusers can change. In the years I avoided my father, there were so many times I wondered if possibly I went back things could be different this time. But they never were.

Tony, so glad to hear you will have someone with at court. Just the noise and people can be stressful ion themselves.

[TenderKnight]

Yeah.. I have real issues with crowds anyway.. I get tense and start to stress out. As long as my back is to the wall and I'm near an exit, I'm fine, but if I'm stuck there.. OMG.. crazy time in my head.. Talking myself down the whole time, lol.

I want to thank you again, Jen, for creating this thread.. it has helped me and it gives me something to look forward to in the mornings.. That may sound silly, it may not.. But it's true. Thank you.

[Apocalipstic]

I am so glad to come in here and see what you all are up to too. It is kind of a grounding point. So thank you too!

I do not like crowds at all or loud noises or fussy people.....and it gets worse the older I am.