Able-Bodied Privilege

AtLast · 04-09-2010, 01:15 PM

If anyone has any insights into dating and dealing with having a disability.. please post!

I re-entered dating not only as an older butch, but with my arthritis now resulting in different limitations concerning chronic pain. I am finding this too really be a factor in my selection of who I ask out. The major shift is about once being a very physically active woman and enjoying sharing this with a partner/person I am seeing and now just not being able to. And my disabilities are not always visible. Its like I present as this athletic-bodied person and know I have to be honest about how and what I really can do. Often, the person I am wanting to date (or am dating) can't deal with this discrepancy... or, just can't belive it.

It can be very telling when I initially meet someone in a fairly pain-free state without a lot of stiffness or the fevers, fatigue, puffiness, flu-like symptoms of RA and when the osterarthritis is being nice to me- then see them while not moving so well! It is obvious that the possible attraction lights are in fade mode.

I know there is still some self-denial going on, yet listening to my pain/body is essential for my well-being. But, I find myself struggling with this along with all the other dating stuff that comes up. JeepSakes, as if it isn't difficult as it is!

Andrew, Jr. · 04-09-2010, 04:17 PM

AtLastHome,

Be honest, and open with your date. Tell her that you are stiff, and hurting, and not up for a game of tennis or golf. How about going to a movie instead? Communication is key. Be positive. Take your meds. Maintain a healthy diet. Stress and worries add years onto your life and how you feel. Don't make mountains out of ant hills. You know what I mean?

I just struggle with oral communication. Words tangle me up. Sometimes it is best to just hold hands and snuggle or to go out on a picnic overlooking water or a stream.

I wish you luck!

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04-09-2010, 01:15 PM	#1
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	If anyone has any insights into dating and dealing with having a disability.. please post! I re-entered dating not only as an older butch, but with my arthritis now resulting in different limitations concerning chronic pain. I am finding this too really be a factor in my selection of who I ask out. The major shift is about once being a very physically active woman and enjoying sharing this with a partner/person I am seeing and now just not being able to. And my disabilities are not always visible. Its like I present as this athletic-bodied person and know I have to be honest about how and what I really can do. Often, the person I am wanting to date (or am dating) can't deal with this discrepancy... or, just can't belive it. It can be very telling when I initially meet someone in a fairly pain-free state without a lot of stiffness or the fevers, fatigue, puffiness, flu-like symptoms of RA and when the osterarthritis is being nice to me- then see them while not moving so well! It is obvious that the possible attraction lights are in fade mode. I know there is still some self-denial going on, yet listening to my pain/body is essential for my well-being. But, I find myself struggling with this along with all the other dating stuff that comes up. JeepSakes, as if it isn't difficult as it is!

04-09-2010, 04:17 PM	#2
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	AtLastHome, Be honest, and open with your date. Tell her that you are stiff, and hurting, and not up for a game of tennis or golf. How about going to a movie instead? Communication is key. Be positive. Take your meds. Maintain a healthy diet. Stress and worries add years onto your life and how you feel. Don't make mountains out of ant hills. You know what I mean? I just struggle with oral communication. Words tangle me up. Sometimes it is best to just hold hands and snuggle or to go out on a picnic overlooking water or a stream. I wish you luck!