Corny jokes - Page 4

ahk · 08-15-2013, 10:14 AM

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

they kept saying "bach, bach, bach"!

Mopsie · 08-17-2013, 01:26 PM

I worked at my part time job last night and saw my client who loves corny jokes. I read her jokes from this thread - most of the ones on page 1 and some from page 2 because we were on a roll... we were both laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes!

Here's the one she told me that started out our fun fest...

Q: Why did the prisoner take a shower?

A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!

Hollylane · 08-17-2013, 01:56 PM

'What's wrong with Murphy?' asked Father Green. 'I don't know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn't stirred since,' said Mrs Murphy.

Hollylane · 08-17-2013, 02:11 PM

An Irish lass, a customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?'
Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.'

Janstevie · 08-19-2013, 06:18 AM

I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'

puddin' · 08-19-2013, 02:23 PM

what do you call a fake noodle?

an impasta!

ahk · 08-19-2013, 04:57 PM

What kind of rooms have no walls? Mushrooms.

Janstevie · 08-21-2013, 08:59 AM

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.

ahk · 08-22-2013, 04:05 PM

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Mopsie · 08-24-2013, 06:53 AM

I worked at my part time job again last night. My favorite resident and I read pages three and four of this thread. We had quite the giggle fest!

Thanks gang for all the funny contributions!

Here's the one the resident told me last night:

Q: Is chicken soup good for your health?

A: Not if you are the chicken!

Janstevie · 08-26-2013, 08:55 AM

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

Bells · 08-26-2013, 09:04 AM

ok so I made paper puppets one time and my corny joke was

Daughter: did you get a hair cut
Me: no I got them all cut

(hey she cracked up laughing , that's all that counts)

PoeticSilence · 08-27-2013, 02:53 PM

Q: So why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
A: To get a long little doggie.

ahk · 08-30-2013, 09:04 AM

Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.

Janstevie · 08-31-2013, 07:15 AM

I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar'. I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.

PoeticSilence · 08-31-2013, 04:58 PM

Q: What did the big bucket say to the little bucket?
A: You look a little pail.

ahk · 09-04-2013, 03:54 PM

What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
Decalfinated.

Janstevie · 09-05-2013, 04:12 AM

I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!

Janstevie · 09-21-2013, 12:32 PM

I went up into the attic and found a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt.
Unfortunately Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Rembrandt made lousy violins.

Janstevie · 09-26-2013, 09:44 AM

My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

"Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!"

Being the kind hearted man that I am, I thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her."

So we walked past it again.

08-27-2013, 02:53 PM	#73
PoeticSilence Member How Do You Identify?: dodges labels Relationship Status: Estranged Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Midwest Posts: 454 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3 Thanked 918 Times in 277 Posts Rep Power: 10661584	Q: So why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund? A: To get a long little doggie. __________________ Love is all you need.

08-31-2013, 04:58 PM	#76
PoeticSilence Member How Do You Identify?: dodges labels Relationship Status: Estranged Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Midwest Posts: 454 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3 Thanked 918 Times in 277 Posts Rep Power: 10661584	Q: What did the big bucket say to the little bucket? A: You look a little pail. __________________ Love is all you need.

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08-15-2013, 10:14 AM	#61
ahk Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: NM Posts: 5,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,688 Thanked 8,538 Times in 2,630 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? they kept saying "bach, bach, bach"!

08-17-2013, 01:26 PM	#62
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,551 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I worked at my part time job last night and saw my client who loves corny jokes. I read her jokes from this thread - most of the ones on page 1 and some from page 2 because we were on a roll... we were both laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes! Here's the one she told me that started out our fun fest... Q: Why did the prisoner take a shower? A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!

08-17-2013, 01:56 PM	#63
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,359 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	'What's wrong with Murphy?' asked Father Green. 'I don't know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn't stirred since,' said Mrs Murphy.

08-17-2013, 02:11 PM	#64
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,359 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	An Irish lass, a customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?' Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.'

08-19-2013, 06:18 AM	#65
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'

08-19-2013, 02:23 PM	#66
puddin' Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: a genderqueer nuisance Preferred Pronoun?: bitchboi Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: new zealand Posts: 7,120 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,467 Thanked 7,962 Times in 2,340 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	what do you call a fake noodle? an impasta!

08-19-2013, 04:57 PM	#67
ahk Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: NM Posts: 5,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,688 Thanked 8,538 Times in 2,630 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	What kind of rooms have no walls? Mushrooms.

08-21-2013, 08:59 AM	#68
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.

08-22-2013, 04:05 PM	#69
ahk Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: NM Posts: 5,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,688 Thanked 8,538 Times in 2,630 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

08-24-2013, 06:53 AM	#70
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,551 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I worked at my part time job again last night. My favorite resident and I read pages three and four of this thread. We had quite the giggle fest! Thanks gang for all the funny contributions! Here's the one the resident told me last night: Q: Is chicken soup good for your health? A: Not if you are the chicken!

08-26-2013, 08:55 AM	#71
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

08-26-2013, 09:04 AM	#72
Bells Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, Relationship Status: yep , i got one Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: anywhere south of I-40 Posts: 106 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 48 Thanked 298 Times in 80 Posts Rep Power: 1510617	ok so I made paper puppets one time and my corny joke was Daughter: did you get a hair cut Me: no I got them all cut (hey she cracked up laughing , that's all that counts)

08-30-2013, 09:04 AM	#74
ahk Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: NM Posts: 5,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,688 Thanked 8,538 Times in 2,630 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint.

08-31-2013, 07:15 AM	#75
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar'. I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.

09-04-2013, 03:54 PM	#77
ahk Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: NM Posts: 5,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,688 Thanked 8,538 Times in 2,630 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	What do you call a cow that just had a baby? Decalfinated.

09-05-2013, 04:12 AM	#78
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!

09-21-2013, 12:32 PM	#79
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I went up into the attic and found a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt. Unfortunately Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Rembrandt made lousy violins.

09-26-2013, 09:44 AM	#80
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!" Being the kind hearted man that I am, I thought, "What the heck, I'll treat her." So we walked past it again.